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Marriage rates in the United States are decreasing while cohabitation (living together) and out-of-wedlock birth rates are rising, according to Rutgers University's National Marriage Project. The trend toward less commitment, or commitment with an easy out (and no binding legal agreements), may be being fueled by the age-old game of love and marriage - and many men's resistance to it.
In fact, the National Marriage Project found that many men are very apprehensive about getting married. Man's fear of commitment is also being evidenced by their reluctance to jump into the housing market (buying a house is another commitment that's, for many men, akin to marriage).
As a result, single women now account for 21 percent of homebuyers, while single men make up just 9 percent, a study by the National Association of Realtors found. (This is despite the fact that women still earn about 75 percent of what men earn).
From a relationship standpoint, however, many women find themselves caught in a relationship that has plateaued. Perhaps you've been dating for some time, and maybe you already live together, yet you are waiting for that next step to take place, wondering why he won't commit.
Some experts blame evolution for this conundrum. Women have historically craved security, which they only truly achieved when they secured a man to protect them. Men, on the other hand, have traditionally been the conquerors, seeking out as many women as they could to spread their genes.
While these stereotypes certainly no longer apply today (a UK study actually found that one in three women think marriage is no longer necessary in today's modern society), it doesn't make it any easier for a woman who is eager to move to the next relationship step while her partner is not.
Why Won't Some Men Commit?
"Often men and woman view commitment differently and have different timelines for when to make commitment-related decisions," says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates.
While women often view commitment as a way to show their love, men may:
There are other, practical reasons that keep men (and women) from wanting to commit, including:
If you feel ready to take the next step, and your partner does not, only you can make the decision of whether to stay or go. To help yourself make the right choice, it's important to release the negative feelings that may be clouding your judgment.
Feelings such as fear, self-doubt, anxiety and more can all be easily released using The Sedona Method. You should use the Method to let go of the feelings about your relationship that keep racing through your mind ("Why won't he commit? Is there something wrong with me? Is he just leading me on?").
This will allow you to experience your relationship from a neutral position, and easily see the right path to take.
"If you truly love your partner then I would "let go" until you know whether or not they are Mr. or Mrs. Right," Dwoskin says. "If they truly are then wait - if they are not, move on."
It can also be beneficial to discuss your concerns with your partner. Sometimes getting your frustrations out in the open is all that's needed to move forward, particularly if one partner has misguided beliefs about the other (that she will make him give up his weekly golf outings, for example, when in reality she's all for them).
"If your partner is open to discussing the reasons for his or her hesitancy, then communication is always helpful," Dwoskin says. "However, communication should not be forced because this can often push someone away."
In fact, the National Marriage Project found that many men are very apprehensive about getting married. Man's fear of commitment is also being evidenced by their reluctance to jump into the housing market (buying a house is another commitment that's, for many men, akin to marriage).
As a result, single women now account for 21 percent of homebuyers, while single men make up just 9 percent, a study by the National Association of Realtors found. (This is despite the fact that women still earn about 75 percent of what men earn).
From a relationship standpoint, however, many women find themselves caught in a relationship that has plateaued. Perhaps you've been dating for some time, and maybe you already live together, yet you are waiting for that next step to take place, wondering why he won't commit.
Some experts blame evolution for this conundrum. Women have historically craved security, which they only truly achieved when they secured a man to protect them. Men, on the other hand, have traditionally been the conquerors, seeking out as many women as they could to spread their genes.
While these stereotypes certainly no longer apply today (a UK study actually found that one in three women think marriage is no longer necessary in today's modern society), it doesn't make it any easier for a woman who is eager to move to the next relationship step while her partner is not.
Why Won't Some Men Commit?
"Often men and woman view commitment differently and have different timelines for when to make commitment-related decisions," says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates.
While women often view commitment as a way to show their love, men may:
- Fear that their freedom will disappear
- Become anxious that they'll lose their personal space
- Be reluctant to give up their sexual freedom
There are other, practical reasons that keep men (and women) from wanting to commit, including:
- Having been hurt in a past relationship
- Not wanting to give up your independence
- Having been divorced in the past
- Growing up in a household with divorced or unhappily married parents
- Not feeling ready for it
If you feel ready to take the next step, and your partner does not, only you can make the decision of whether to stay or go. To help yourself make the right choice, it's important to release the negative feelings that may be clouding your judgment.
Feelings such as fear, self-doubt, anxiety and more can all be easily released using The Sedona Method. You should use the Method to let go of the feelings about your relationship that keep racing through your mind ("Why won't he commit? Is there something wrong with me? Is he just leading me on?").
This will allow you to experience your relationship from a neutral position, and easily see the right path to take.
"If you truly love your partner then I would "let go" until you know whether or not they are Mr. or Mrs. Right," Dwoskin says. "If they truly are then wait - if they are not, move on."
It can also be beneficial to discuss your concerns with your partner. Sometimes getting your frustrations out in the open is all that's needed to move forward, particularly if one partner has misguided beliefs about the other (that she will make him give up his weekly golf outings, for example, when in reality she's all for them).
"If your partner is open to discussing the reasons for his or her hesitancy, then communication is always helpful," Dwoskin says. "However, communication should not be forced because this can often push someone away."