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How to Argue Effectively and Constructively (versus Having an Ego Battle)

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  • How to Argue Effectively and Constructively (versus Having an Ego Battle)

    Every argument -- when two people are trying to come to a rational resolution about a conflict -- has the potential to strengthen or weaken the relationship. Ideally, the disagreement should focus on the objective -- reaching a solution -- and not be centered on 'being right.' Often what happens, however, is that arguing plays to the egoist in all of us. And when the ego gets involved, you are no longer simply having a conversation, you are strangling it.

    “An argument is when a discussion about opposing points of view becomes heated and we dig in and try to defend, justify or protect our point of view,” says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates.

    It is next to impossible to get anywhere during this type of ego battle because both parties are in a state of “one-upmanship” -- and feel that they must get the other person to see things their way.

    “When you are defending any point of view you have become identified with it and therefore believe you are actually defending yourself, not your point of view,” Dwoskin says.

    Getting Over Your Ego: Fighting to Reach a Resolution

    The key to arguing in a constructive manner is to simply get over your ego. Ideally, your partner will also get over theirs. But how?

    “The simplest way to break free of any particular argument and to break the tendency to argue is to let go of wanting to defend, justify, explain or prove your point of view -- and to be as open as you can to the other person’s point of view,” Dwoskin says.

    You see, when you let go of fighting for your point of view, there is no longer a need to prove anything. The anger or urgent need to be right that you once felt so keenly will actually disappear, and your mind will become free to focus on finding solutions.

    Further, as you practice empathizing with your partner’s point of view, you will break down the wall that you’ve both built up between you. Ultimately, you will see that it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong, only that you can communicate openly together.

    All of these things are easily attainable when you use The Sedona Method. This tool has helped hundreds of thousands of people to improve their lives, including strengthening, and repairing, their relationships.

    Said one Sedona Method graduate, Judith Halderman from St. Louis, MO, “My relationship with my husband is deeper, freer, and more joyful and playful. In general, life is so much easier!”

    This is because letting go of arguing for your point of view will take a weight off of your shoulders, and off of your relationship.

    “Letting go is very liberating, life-affirming and relationship-saving if you allow yourself to do it,” Dwoskin says. “It will help you to be a lot happier with yourself and with others.”
    Purchase Letting Go Movie on DVD
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    Purchase The Sedona Method Course
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