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How to Ask for Help (When Asking for it Feels Hard to Do)

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  • How to Ask for Help (When Asking for it Feels Hard to Do)

    For many people, the following four words are akin to a four-letter word, one that should never be uttered: “I need your help.”

    Just how many of us refrain from asking for help when we need it is a mystery, but it’s likely a pretty hefty majority.

    “Most of us believe that we must be self-sufficient and that asking for help is somehow a sign of weakness, or forces us to be vulnerable or dependent on others,” says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training for Sedona Training Associates. “This belief causes us to not reach out when we need to or when it is in our best interest.”

    And by not asking for help when you need it, you’re actually making your life a lot more difficult.

    In fact, according to a survey by OfficeTeam, a staffing service, not asking for help is the biggest mistake people make when it comes to networking.

    "People often avoid asking for help for two reasons -- either they are embarrassed at needing assistance or they feel they can go it alone and succeed without others' involvement," said Liz Hughes, Executive Director of OfficeTeam.

    However, everyone needs help sometimes. And knowing when, and how, to ask for it can save you time, headaches and a lot of emotional stress.

    “The reason that there are others on this planet,” Dwoskin says, “is so we can help each other.”

    Asking for Help When You Need It

    Whether it’s help to install your new refrigerator, start your new business or entertain the kids for a weekend, the premise stays the same. Here are the top tips to ask for help when you need it.

    1. Release Your Need to be in Control. Often, we resist asking for help because we don’t want to loosen our grasp on the idea that we are in charge. “But as you release your need to be in control you realize that you can reach out for help when it is required and know when you can simply support yourself,” Dwoskin says.

    2. Let go of Your Negative Feelings About Needing Help. “As you let go using The Sedona Method, you discover that it is OK to ask for help, and it is OK to not ask for help; you feel like you have a choice and this makes it easier to do what is best for you,” Dwoskin says.

    3. Talk About Your Problem Directly. You don’t need to make excuses or apologize. Simply explain the situation and the help you need. “Sometimes simply allowing others to listen to you or be there for you is exactly what you need in the moment to break through emotionally or to solve a problem that has been plaguing you for a long time,” Dwoskin says.
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