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Feel Like You’ve Been Dating Too Long? How to Handle Things When There’s No Next-L...

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    Feel Like You’ve Been Dating Too Long? How to Handle Things When There’s No Next-Level Commitment

    When it comes to how long you should date before getting married, there are as many suggestions as there are fish in the sea (and you've surely heard many of them from well-meaning friends and family). For some, a few months -- or even weeks -- is all it takes. Others need to date for many years before they're ready.

    Of course, you can never date someone too long -- as long as both partners are happy with the relationship in this capacity. If, however, one partner begins to want more of a commitment, then dating too long can signal that it's time to move on.

    Is There an Optimal Dating Time?

    According to the Processes of Adaptation in Intimate Relationships (PAIR) project by Ted Huston, a professor of human ecology at The University of Texas at Austin, yes.

    After following 168 couples for 14 years, Huston found that a “leisurely pace” is best when it comes to lasting marriages.

    “The courtships and marriages that are successful are the ‘best friend’ ones, the ones that are slow and steady and unfold over time,” said Huston. “Positive feelings like trust and respect emerge, and the whole thing mirrors the evolution of any other kind of good relationship in life.”

    This should make some of you long-time daters feel better. Still, the problems arise not because of a long courtship but because one person is ready to commit and the other is not.

    My Partner Isn't Ready But I am

    It’s a tough situation. You’re in love, but how long should you wait?

    “I would recommend that you check to see if this person is actually the one -- or are you holding on to the relationship from a fear of losing the person or of being alone?” says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates.

    To help yourself make the right choice, it's important to release the negative feelings that may be clouding your judgment.

    Feelings such as fear, self-doubt, anxiety, resentment and more can all be easily released using The Sedona Method. You should use the Method to let go of the feelings about your relationship that keep racing through your mind ("Why won't he commit? Is there something wrong with me? Is she leading me on?").

    This will allow you to experience your relationship from a neutral position, and easily see the right path to take.

    “If you are staying in a relationship out of fear,” Dwoskin says, “ask yourself, ‘If I knew for sure that I could be with the right person for me whether or not I stayed in this relationship, would I still stay in it?”

    “If the answer is yes,” he continues, “then release your impatience and give it more time. If the answer is no, then let the relationship go now.”

    Finally, you should feel free to discuss your thoughts with your partner (but be careful not to force the conversation). He or she may not know that you desire a deeper commitment, and may be happy to find out that you do. On the contrary, he or she may not be interested in moving forward, in which case you should think about moving on.
    Purchase Letting Go Movie on DVD
    Purchase Beyond Letting Go
    Purchase The Sedona Method Course
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