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Rekindle the Romance: Nine Steps to Turn Those Embers Back Into Flames

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  • Rekindle the Romance: Nine Steps to Turn Those Embers Back Into Flames

    Every relationship, whether new or old, reaches a point where the fire has burned out. Finishing each other s sentences is no longer cute; his snoring is becoming unbearable or her taking hour-long showers no longer acceptable. On the surface, says relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall, the most common things couples argue about are money, sex, work, children and housework roughly in that order.

    Delving even deeper, perhaps the romance has dwindled because of a lack of communication, a lack of affection, differences in opinion or not taking the time for one another as you once did, and these issues are now manifesting themselves in the practical, everyday routine.

    Rekindling the romance may seem futile, but rest assured it s to your benefit. Study after study has shown that married people, along with those in committed relationships, tend to be happier than those who are not, so devoting time to nurturing your relationship can only serve to boost your morale, well-being and peace of mind.
    Altruism is Great for Love

    At the most basic level if you re not sure where to begin rekindling the romance in your relationship -- start by putting your partner first. A study by Chicago researchers found that people were happiest when they loved in this way, or altruistically.

    "Altruistic love was associated with greater happiness in general and especially with more marital happiness," said Tom Smith of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.

    In the study, those who agreed with statements that define altruism (such as I d rather suffer myself than let the one I love suffer) also reported being happy with their spouses. Further:
    • *67 percent of the most altruistic people rated their marriage as very happy
    • Only 50 percent of the least altruistic people rate their marriage as very happy
    • While 40 percent of married people were very altruistic, only 20 percent of singles and 25 percent of divorced or separated people were

    How to Rekindle the Romance

    It s not easy, of course, to put your partner first, particularly when conflicts have snuffed out the magic. However, there is a way to let go of your differences, even when anger and resentment may have been bubbling under the surface for years, to achieve a more altruistic, more fulfilling and more romantic love, and it s called The Sedona Method.

    The Method is a simple process that allows you to tap your natural ability to let go of the feelings that cause you to get lost in negative thought or communication patterns (such as constant bickering, belittling, boredom or overall unrest in your relationship). This releasing is incredibly freeing, and is the key to sharing open and satisfying communication.

    As you release your non-love feelings, you ll rediscover the magic that brought you together in the first place. It s like falling in love all over again, only this time with solidity as well as delight.

    Along with using The Sedona Method to let go of underlying anger and resentment, you can focus on the following psychological tasks from the American Psychological Association, all of which are essential to creating -- and keeping -- a warm, sincere and romantic relationship.

    1. Build an identity with your partner that is your own (i.e., separate from the family you grew up in, siblings, etc.).

    2. Open yourself to sharing intimacies with your partner, and build a togetherness from them, while still setting boundaries to protect each person s desired autonomy.

    3. If you have children, embrace the roles of parenting together while still protecting the privacy of you and your partner as a couple.

    4. Establish a rich sexual relationship, and protect it from work and family obligations.

    5. View your relationship as a safe haven in which both partners can express their differences, anger, opinions, etc.

    6. Confront inevitable life crises, and overcome them, together.

    7. Laugh often and keep your sense of humor to stave off boredom and feelings of isolation.

    8. Nurture and comfort your partner, allowing him or her to depend on you, while offering encouragement and support.

    9. Embrace the changes that occur in your relationship over time, but don t forget the early, romantic feelings of falling in love.
    Purchase Letting Go Movie on DVD
    Purchase Beyond Letting Go
    Purchase The Sedona Method Course
    Learn The Sedona Method in 2 hours.