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What to Do -- And Not Do -- When a Family Member or Friend is Angry at You

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  • What to Do -- And Not Do -- When a Family Member or Friend is Angry at You

    About 32 percent of people say they have had an argument with their spouse or partner in the last month, according to the American Psychological Association's (APA) 'Stress in America' poll. Countless others have also had arguments with friends and other loved ones.

    During an argument, either person may be holding angry feelings toward the other. This may come in the form of yelling, name-calling, blaming or even silence.

    Anger, whether stemming from you or directed at you, is not a healthy state to be in. It raises your stress levels, for one, which will impact your health. A full 77 percent of Americans in the APA's survey said they had stress-related physical symptoms including fatigue, headache and upset stomach. And another 73 percent felt irritable, nervous or angry due to stress.

    Residing in an environment of anger is also bad for your mental state. You tend to manifest in your life whatever it is you focus on, so if you are focusing on anger, or on the fact that someone is mad at you, you will get more anger in return.

    For those times when you know that someone is mad at you (whether you feel you deserve it or not), what can you do to resolve the anger and get back to a positive frame of mind?

    'The obvious behaviors to avoid are taunting the person or trying to make them wrong and you right,' says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates. 'Also, avoid being patronizing or phony with them.'

    Studies have also shown that it's best not to get caught up in an all-out brawl. 'Letting it all out' when you're angry has been found to escalate the situation and do nothing to resolve things.

    The key to dealing with a situation when someone is mad at you is controlling your own reaction to the situation. You, of course, cannot control theirs, but you can use the scientifically proven The Sedona Method to release the negative feelings the argument brings up in you.

    'By releasing your own reaction to what the other person is feeling you take yourself out of the loop and can deal with the situation in a more level-headed and appropriate way,' Dwoskin says. 'You will also feel a lot better and more in control no matter what the other person does.'

    Often, the less you react to the person's anger in a defensive or combative way, the faster the situation will come to a resolution.

    'Be direct, open and honest while avoiding pushing them back,' says Dwoskin. 'It is also helpful to look for points that you can agree with without feeling like you need to back down or give in. The best thing you can do, of course, is release whatever reaction that brings up inside of you.'
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