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  • releasing attachment to someone

    Hi
    I suffered a set back in a relationship with a girl I love that happened during October, 2010. And since then I've been struggling to let go of attachment to her. The girl now is engaged and somehow I can't let go of attachment to her and that hurts me a lot. We still talk as friends but thats kinda very very hard for me but some reason we have to talk as we're neighbors and good friends.

    I found this method on the internet and tried it and found a bit helpful but I feel like I'm kinda stuck or not using the method correctly. She's all over my mind and when that happens I feel very low, down, in pain etc.

    I welcome all these feelings and as myself can I let it go? Am I willing to? the answer comes no. When I ask why can't I, my heart says it is fear of losing her and this is where I get stuck. I don't know how to move on from here. Fear of losing her bites me. What should I do or what should I as myself to get rid of this fear and release all attachment to this fear and finally release all attachment to that girl.


    Please guide me.

    And I'm trying to use LOA to attract her back into my life because I have this strong intuition that she is made for me. But right now I want to let go off any attachment for her and let Universe give her to me.


    Please help me, I need it.

  • #2
    Hello st49,
    I totally understand your situation and thank you for having the courage to share this with the communtiy and to open yourself for help.
    What I sense for your stiuation is this: First off all, the place you appear to be stuck is
    that you are trying to let go of all that is coming up. However, when we try to do something we are actually not doing it.
    Now, try to stand up. So what happened? You are still between sitting and standing. So with releasing "trying" is actually effort which is wanting control.
    There is a quote from Lester for this: "Effort is ego in action"
    So rather than trying to let go, just welcome all that is going on. Including wanting to let the bad fellings go or wanting her back.

    Therefore, in this situation here is a process you can do:

    Could you just welcome all the feelings, sensations, sounds, memories about that situation.
    Could you also welcome how you try to let it go, any wanting to be free of it, wanting to fix or change it. And also any attachments or aversions to her. Any wanting oneness or separation?
    Could you also welcome any sense that it is personal? That it is about you or who you are or about her or who she is?

    And I'm trying to use LOA to attract her back into my life because I have this strong intuition that she is made for me. But right now I want to let go off any attachment for her and let Universe give her to me.
    What I recommend you do is to release the attachment to her and than to be open to every possibility.
    But, when you again try to attract her back into your life, it is again wanting to control her experience. And that might create a stuckness on your part. She may or may not come back in your life. When you come to the point where you feel that "Everything that happens is for the highest good for everyone, you can feel neutral and again open to every possiblity."

    Here is a process you can do:

    Could you welcome how you want her back? Any feelings of love, attachments, sensations?
    Could you welcome any wanting to make that happen, any wanting to figure out what to do
    any wanting to control her experience?
    Could you also welcome any sense that it is personal, that it is about you or who you are and about her or who she is?
    And could you just let go?


    All the best
    Kağan Bayraktaroğlu
    Last edited by Kagan Bayraktaroglu; 02-06-2011, 07:07 AM.
    sigpic
    Kağan Bayraktaroğlu
    Sedona Method Certified Coach
    http://www.sedonayontemi.com

    Comment


    • #3
      @ Kagan Bayraktaroglu

      Thanks for the reply. I understood your suggestions in some parts but I'm not fully convinced. I'm sorry. What does it mean "That is this personal, or who your are or who she is?" Can you please clarify this. Every morning when I woke up "she" is the first thing on my mind and that makes my heart so heavy and I hate that feeling. Please suggest some more ways I need to get rid of this burden. Please!! i want to release all the attachments to her, not think about her anymore. I want to live peacefully, happily.

      Comment


      • #4
        It is the third part of the triple welcoming process. Since you are new to the method I am not sure if you have seen the "lettinggo movie" where Hale Dwoskin explains the triple welcoming technique.
        With triple welcoming when we have a problem or an issue, we welcome that by three steps:
        First step is welcoming the problem: The feelings, sensations, pictures, sounds about it.
        The second part is: We we welcome any wanting to do something with or about the problem. (Wanting to fix it, change it,
        control it, get rid off it.)
        And the third part is: We welcome the identification with the problem. For your question:
        What does it mean "That it is personal, or who your are or who she is?" Can you please clarify this.
        The problem feels like it is your problem right? And also it also feels like it is about her too. Therefore, when you welcome how that feels personal to you, when you welcome the identification that is the process you do.

        Here is the video where Hale Dwoskin explains that:
        http://www.sedonamethodcommunity.com...-personal.html

        Every morning when I woke up "she" is the first thing on my mind and that makes my heart so heavy and I hate that feeling. Please suggest some more ways I need to get rid of this burden. Please!! i want to release all the attachments to her, not think about her anymore. I want to live peacefully, happily.
        As I said, if you try to get rid of the issue, you are resisting it and that is the reason it feels stonger. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in this moment. You don't need to fight those feelings just open inside as that comes up. As you open yourself to whatever is happening you can feel lighter.

        İf you haven't seen the movie lettinggo, I highly recommend that. And also you can have a complimentary session from the certified coaches on this forun including me.


        All the best
        Last edited by Kagan Bayraktaroglu; 02-07-2011, 02:59 AM.
        sigpic
        Kağan Bayraktaroğlu
        Sedona Method Certified Coach
        http://www.sedonayontemi.com

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi st49,

          Thank you for sharing this with our community. I am glad you found us. Kagan has given you some very good ways to help you release.

          I would suggest that you read The Sedona Method book, investigate this community some more, and definitely check out the video Kagan suggested.

          Remaining completely open to your feelings and thoughts about this woman; about wanting get rid of these feelings and thoughts, or about trying to figure anything out; and the feeling that this is about you will be very helpful. Trying to get the end result of release makes it stronger as Kagan pointed out. Also, wanting to figure it out is just another form of wanting control. Do this until you feel lighter about the situation.

          I like to do the clean up procedure for this kind of situation. Basically, you do the triple welcoming on all of the wants; wanting control or wanting to be out of control, wanting approval or wanting disapproval or wanting to disapprove, wanting security (wanting to be safe) or wanting to be unsafe (wanting to threaten), and wanting to be one or wanting to be separate. Wanting to be separate is wanting it to be about "me" or "I". This may be a bit overwhelming as a beginner; so stick to the first way.

          It is comforting for me to know that we are all one. I don't need to do anything to make that happen. Releasing on the wants takes away the suffering for me.

          Best wishes.

          Comment


          • #6
            @Kagan Bayraktaroglu

            Thank you so much for such a detailed answer. It has cleared all my doubts. I've seen the letting go movie but I guess when I saw the movie I was not in correct state of mind so didn't fully understand it. I've also read about the Triple Welcoming Process but I was having doubt about it.

            I still have a question in Triple Welcoming Process

            After the third step where we ask that is this something personal to you, what to do next?

            Is it then we need to ask question like
            "Could I let go of this feeling"
            "Am I really willing to let go of this feeling"
            "When"

            Should I ask myself these questions after this?

            And is Triple Welcoming Process different from the above three question I mentioned (which are basics of Sedona's method")?

            Thanks

            Comment


            • #7
              @Persephone

              Thanks for you help. Yes I'm in the process of learning these tools and I'm sure it has helped me a lot of getting rid of unwanted feeling at times. But sometimes I feel like I'm stuck. One thing I've understood is the more I try hard to get rid of emotions the more they'll bow me over. It should be effortless I guess. But sometimes I fear welcoming all those feeling for that girl is going to make me weak, make me worse so I guess sometimes I resist those feelings coming to me.

              Sometimes I don't get answer from my heart, it's all blank, I guess I try too hard. I'm going to work on this procedure for sure.

              Thanks

              Comment


              • #8
                st49, You've suffered a loss. You've had your heart ripped out and you feel like you're in the darkest, deepest pit of despair imaginable. Right? Well, buck up buddy! There isn't a guy walking around that hasn't been where you are right now. And probably more than once. This is a good news/bad news situation you've found yourself in. You're already in the middle of the bad news; she's dumped you, and she's already moved on. Do I need to repeat that last sentence? She's du....yeah, I didn't think so. Now for a little of the good news. She dumped you and she's already moved on. Wanna know why? I know why, and it isn't for any of those bull shit reasons that keep popping up in your tortured, little, story-ridden mind. Nope! She dumped you before she ever met you...and I believe I can explain why I say that so you'll understand. I also believe when you understand you'll begin to heal and your pain will make some sense to you. I believe also that you'll discover that the help you've been so desperately asking for is already showing up. You should believe this as well.
                It's late. I have to be up at 5am, but I will talk more with you tomorrow if you'd like. It's always your choice. For now, at least two compassionate and concerned members of this community have offered you some suggestions and advice. As best you can...follow it. Don't struggle with it or try to reason it out. Keep it simple...simple is good for you right now. In addition to that, my advice would be that what ever you do, for the time "being", do not listen to any Country Western radio stations. Absolutely terrible for a "broken" heart.
                Get some rest. I am. You are not alone st49. Peace...
                Jack

                Comment


                • #9
                  @ jack

                  I appreciate you replying back but I really dont know how to react on your reply. I would surely like to talk to you again although what you wrote in the beginning has hurt me, but then again I know it's the truth but it's hard to accept it. Anyhow I felt bad but not that much that I've been feeling lately.

                  thanks

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hello st49,

                    After the third step where we ask that is this something personal to you, what to do next?

                    Is it then we need to ask question like
                    "Could I let go of this feeling"
                    "Am I really willing to let go of this feeling"
                    "When"
                    Should I ask myself these questions after this?
                    No. Triple welcoming is just welcoming everything. It has nothing to do with asking question and answering them.
                    So what you do is this: Just keep it simple. Just welcome, there is no need to let go here.

                    1. Just welcome the issue.
                    2. Welcome any wanting to do something with or about the issue.
                    3. Welcome any sense that the issue is personal or about you. (You don't have to ask that, Of course it feels personal. Just welcome that feeling)


                    All the best.
                    Kagan Bayraktaroglu
                    sigpic
                    Kağan Bayraktaroğlu
                    Sedona Method Certified Coach
                    http://www.sedonayontemi.com

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Just a cheer from me, st49! You really do well! Just your willingness to release it is something to throw confetti about!

                      Sophie
                      Why keep it?
                      http://www.sedona-coaching.de

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        st49, Hope you're doing a little better today. Believe it or not, things do get better. As earnestly as you seem to be to put this behind you is a credit to you for seeking a healthier and freer way of being. And a less fearful way as well. It may seem that I was a bit hard on you in my previous post. I doubt it. You appear to be a pretty ballsy guy that has found himself in a situation that has finally reduced your resistance to examining your life and discovering the true being that you are. You might even one day soon be thanking your lady friend for assisting you along on this path of self discovery and freedom.
                        As you've been learning, most people live their life out of a story made up in mind. As you've also been painfully aware, the mind is a dark and nasty place to be visiting or listening to on a regular basis. Probably, up until now, you weren't aware that there was a way that you could quiet the mind, and from awareness, "let go" of the stories and beliefs about yourself that have been held and believed for a long time. And I'll wager these are stories and beliefs you've been wanting to change for some time. Perhaps now you're miserable enough to give them up. We generally have to reach this point to wake up....And realize the dream (or more often the nightmare)our mind has furnished for us. So, good morning st49. Wakey, Wakey! It's time to rise and shine as they say. Time to choose...as always.

                        It is human to grieve a loss, and you are entitled if she meant as much to you as you say. It has been my experience that a lot of the suffering comes from the stories we begin to make up about a loss such this. The "not good enough", "not worthy of", "not enough" stories that begin to go through our minds. Over and over. These stories feed our "feelings" of despair and loss of control. Now, this might not be happening with you, but if it is, the Sedona Method may very well be your answer to "releasing" yourself from the stories and beliefs behind a great deal of your suffering. Old and New.
                        As best you can, persist with your practice of releasing. Be patient with yourself. Ask questions when needed. Follow the advice you've been given. Observe the thoughts that come up and release on the ones that especially cause feelings of despair. Welcome and allow the feelings of sadness but let them pass through. Avoid this girl as best you can till your heart and mind are more settled. Get out with friends and make new friends. Be kind to yourself in both thought and action. STAY OUT of the mind. Release as best you can. Learn more about the "Method". Eat well, exercise and rest. There is a great gift for you behind the veil of your suffering. A great purpose.

                        Peace....

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          @ SophieHack

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            @Jack

                            Thanks for taking your time out Jack and I really felt much much better after reading your post. I agree with you on that but controlling this "monkey mind" can sometimes become difficult. I'm trying my best and everything that can help me.

                            Why is it getting hard for me is that I just can't avoid contact with that girl as she's my neighbor. But I try my best to keep communication as minimum as possible. And yes I'm feeling a lot lot better today. Went out with my friends yesterday night had a great time. Shared my stories with my female friends and felt a lot better to know there are lot many ppl who care about me and love me. But I don't know why mind always think about from where we're not getting something. I practice Sedona method as soon as I feel a bit uneasy, low, anxiety comes up and it really makes me a bit lighter. I know it works and as I practice I know i'll get better and better and finally I'll release is permanently.

                            Sometimes I feel like even after having so much knowledge of how to get over something or something that is not worth crying over after it has happened and we cannot change it. I thank GOD that what ever has happened with me has happened for a good cause. I've gained so much knowledge how our mind works, who am I, what are emotions, how to release them more than that I came across so many new friends over here all across the world. Yes, I'm thankful for that to GOD.

                            Thanks Jack

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              st49, Good for you. Sometimes, it takes some time. Stay the course. As always, "as best you can", don't resist the mind/thoughts, observe and release. "Give peace a chance". Adios...

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