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Letting go of HOPE of re-uniting with a former partner?

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  • Letting go of HOPE of re-uniting with a former partner?

    Hi all,

    I invested in The Sedona Method, with the express purpose or mission in mind, of being ok with separation. In this case, the person is a life long friend, and former lover as well whom I am still very in love with, despite my choices or decisions.

    I find myself going about my day, not aiming to do anything with how I feel about the situation (She & I are not on speaking terms at the moment)
    I get home, and have much to do with a deadline looming, yet I find myself de-motivated with a sensation of hopelessness and despair regarding this which I can't seem to shake regardless of releasing on the matter in various styles. It's getting in the way of my enjoyment of life at home, as work focus takes my mind off things.
    When I try to welcome the emotions, there is a sensation of numbness, as though the emotions know what I'm about to do with them - Let them Go! So it's like they won't come up or something.
    When I say I will just "welcome" this or that emotion related to this, I hardly ever experience any joyful emotions (from happy memories), but the pain comes easily (from hurtful or loving memories), along with many tears - never ending. I ask "could I?" along with "any actions" or "identification with" and would I let it go? and when? I've been at this for weeks now, and at first there was great progress, though there is something remaining. (fear of future jelousy looms as well)
    Any help here is much much appreciated.
    Many Thanks...

  • #2
    I trust that in this moment all is well. You may want to consider re-uniting with yourself as a exploration. Just a few seconds picking out one of the qualities that you appreciate (I just picked breathing for myself). Then maybe a little later pick another out (I picked out seeing) and feel what you do for a few seconds. Then you may want to consider playing with forgiveness (mainly yourself) for a minute or two. You may also want to consider allowing this or that emotion to appear as it does, give it a little hug, and let it go. Thank you for the opportunity to respond.

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    • #3
      I thank you for your response.

      I was rehearsing a song when I recieved this message. I thought about the situation on my journey to rehearsal, and realised I probably have a fair amount of fear of letting go of how I feel about the situation, because that will mean I do not care anymore, and that seems cold. That is only one way to percieve the situation. Another is that I can bring warmth later, should it ever be welcomed by my former partner and... I can do it out of a sense of free will, rather than a sense that I have no choice as a slave to my emotions.

      I welcomed the idea of being re-united with her in multiple ways, completely, and any sense of wanting to control that reality and make it happen, along with any sense it was personal, I then immediately followed up with welcoming the idea of walking away from the situation, not caring or feeling anything at all, including separation. I included welcoming any sense of wanting to control that outcome or make it a reality as well as any sense of it being personal. I then also immediately welcomed any fear of not being able to re-unite with her... and accompanying sensations of control and identity, and then any fear of walking away from it, with all accompanyments again.
      I did go from a state of strong emotions, to a state of less and less feeling of being overwhelmed and more of being on-top of it.

      What I'm truly seeking I suppose, is a way of letting go, also... of missing the other person's company.

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      • #4
        When you go into the feeling, really go in past the point where you feel fear, numbness, don't even try to let them go. When you go in and through the releasing is done for you. If you tell yourself you need to release go deeper into the feeling. You may need to do this a few times. Have you ever watched a small child try to remove something sticky from their fingers? It can be a bit like that for some of our feelings and experiences.

        Like the fear that if you let go, that you "wouldn't care". Come back and let go of that fear. The cycle is that you are pushing her away from you and at the same time trying to pull her back. Letting go is getting your own balance back. Let go of the fear of letting go of love. It's not love that leaves it's the fear that is released. (You seem to be saying that you're afraid that if you let go you won't love her anymore and if she came back you wouldn't be in the same place for her and it would definitely be over.) That's a fear.

        Alex

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        • #5
          Try clean-up procedure.. IT WILL HELP

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          • #6
            Hi Tunethinker!

            The numbness, when it is here, is what is here now. See if can allow yourself to feel the numbness, welcome it as best you can. Numbness isn't a sign that things aren't going well. It's the next layer to be welcomed and then if possible released.

            Many of us release so that we will feel better. When we do that we are actually using releasing as means to resist what is here. Could you just allow the numbness to be here. It's just another type of energy trying to mover through the bodymind. Keep opening to it...Let go of wanting to figure out what the numbness is if you are...And let go of wanting to get rid of it or change it or understand it....And every now and again ask what want is the numbness arising from...and release on that...but keep letting the numbness be here...let go of wanting to change it or get rid of it if you can....And also let go of wanting to feel better, more motivated, etc...that's just more resistance to what is here now. Keep welcoming everything. And every now and again check to see if you can let go. But most importantly remember welcoming IS letting go!

            Best,
            Delilah
            Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 10-26-2012, 07:50 AM.
            www.theaccordcenter.net

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