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  • Need some release help please

    Hey guys,

    A lot of my holdbacks are suppressed and I don't always know of their existence. Some of the exercises bring them to the surface. The area I want to work on is relationships with women. I'm not sexual, forward, assertive, physical etc. I suppress myself due to not wanting to upset people.

    I know what I want. I want to be that naturally attractive guy, the guy who stuff happens to. He has girls approach or flirt with him. Because of who he is rather than what he does.

    I'm afraid of intimacy, sex, doing the wrong thing, being seen as wrong or doing something inappropriate, my voice (it lacks strength and it feels like there is a small lisp to it which means I'm self conscious of it).

    How do I uncover what is stopping me? And how can I give my mind different alternatives to consider? For example I will never touch a girl in intimate areas such as side, lower back, leg unless she has initiated? Which is pretty weak to make her make a move I'm afraid of. Naturals tend to assume the best or rather they care little for the result so long as they are acting/being from their core and in alignment with their goal. Another example is a thing called the triangle gaze where you look at the girls lips and eyes if you want tokiss her. I see it as doing something to get something because for me it's conscious. Yet really I'm just acting in a wa that women find desirable. My fear around this is so strong that I demonstrate on female friends to see if it actually works.

    When I approach a girl it's from a place of fear and doubt. I doubt my attractiveness (mental) and I fear I will do the wrong thing. So I stick to being boring and platonic in the hopes she will like me. Sure I don't get rejected but I don't succeed either. So by trying to control mydself explicity I in turn shut down the doors that I am trying so hard to keep open.

    And I think because I am so repressed women feel repressed rather than free or open. I used to look for ways or instructions on how to be a natural with women. I now realise the reason they never have any is because they aren't restricitng themselves. Doing something at the conscious level most people do is to negate a barrier like when guys don't know what to say is most likely from trying to filter every possible option to find the best one.

    Then there's my issues around casual sex. I feel against it yet I'm not sure if for the right reasons or that theyamre my reasons even. I like the idea of casual sex on the proviso that both parties are respected. That's mine. but others like girls don't like it, they will be offended if I try, my previusly mentioned hangups around sex (supposedly its a skill I lack therefore if I start with a relationship she'll be more accepting), feels like I'm using the girl, etc.

    So ladies and gentd, where do I start to unravel the ropes I've bound myself with?

    Thanks!

  • #2
    Well for starters I would start releasing on your fear of doing the "wrong thing". You are holding that in mind. This seems very powerful for you. You are so occupied that you might commit an error that you are actually bringing them into your life. While I know it is easier said than done you should, as best you can, release on it.

    You may also simply welcome the fear of committing an error and just allow that feeling to be. I would also release on the idea of wanting to change that fear. This way you are approaching the block from all angles.

    Second I would release on wanting approval. From what you described much of your fear comes from wanting and seeking approval. Therefore, as best you can, start releasing on your desire/need for wanting approval.

    If at first things only seem like small steps or you don't feel any change that is okay. The key is just keep releasing as best you can and stick with it. If you do you will start feeling more at peace and ease.

    Also while performing these releases if other items bubble up to surface then release on them.

    That is my advice for whatever it is worth.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for that! What should I focus on to get to the root of the issues? Should I write down each negative thought and do a series of releases on it or is that just removing a branch rather than the root of the problem?

      Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!

      Comment


      • #4
        The bottom line is whatever seems natural to you. There is no "wrong" way of releasing. There may be more powerful ways but releasing in any form is good.

        Sedona teaches that all feelings come from wanting security, control, approval, oneness, or being separate. I personally have focused more on security, control, and approval. Whenever a feeling comes up for me I identify it as one of those three. I release on the feeling itself and then release on the underlying want. If the feeling/thought isn't an obviously fit for security or approval I stick it into control.

        However the bottom line is almost all feelings come from wanting security. If you think about it control and approval are really offshoots of security. In the Sedona book security is set as the tap root of all emotions. I agree with this idea.

        The good news by releasing on the underlying wants is you are releasing in chucks and not just the feeling at hand. This way you don't have to "dig" up every repressed thought or feeling in the subconsciousness mind. So at first just simply release in whatever way feels natural for you.

        If you are like most of us you'll start seeing different ways to release and alter your technique as you learn and experiment. The bottom line is just start releasing, see how it goes, and remember there is no wrong way to release!

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Magnatolia,

          The best way to approach anything is to check and see what is here right now.

          Notice what appears in awareness rihgt now when you thing about being with a girl.

          Can you welcome that?

          Is there any wanting to get rid of that feeling, thought, image, sensation?

          Could you welcome that too?

          And now could you let go of wanting to get rid of that?

          Also check and see if there is any wanting to hold on to the feeling, thought, image, sensation?

          Could you welcome that?

          And just for now could you let that go?


          Keep allowing what appears in awareness right now when you think about being with a girl to come up. This will help you access all the "stuff" that gets in the way of feeling your perfect beingness when you around girls and experiemtn with each TSM process to help you release all the "apparent" barriers to enjoying the company of girls.

          Keep us posted on how things are unfolding,
          Delilah

          Originally posted by Magnatolia View Post
          Hey guys,

          A lot of my holdbacks are suppressed and I don't always know of their existence. Some of the exercises bring them to the surface. The area I want to work on is relationships with women. I'm not sexual, forward, assertive, physical etc. I suppress myself due to not wanting to upset people.

          I know what I want. I want to be that naturally attractive guy, the guy who stuff happens to. He has girls approach or flirt with him. Because of who he is rather than what he does.

          I'm afraid of intimacy, sex, doing the wrong thing, being seen as wrong or doing something inappropriate, my voice (it lacks strength and it feels like there is a small lisp to it which means I'm self conscious of it).

          How do I uncover what is stopping me? And how can I give my mind different alternatives to consider? For example I will never touch a girl in intimate areas such as side, lower back, leg unless she has initiated? Which is pretty weak to make her make a move I'm afraid of. Naturals tend to assume the best or rather they care little for the result so long as they are acting/being from their core and in alignment with their goal. Another example is a thing called the triangle gaze where you look at the girls lips and eyes if you want tokiss her. I see it as doing something to get something because for me it's conscious. Yet really I'm just acting in a wa that women find desirable. My fear around this is so strong that I demonstrate on female friends to see if it actually works.

          When I approach a girl it's from a place of fear and doubt. I doubt my attractiveness (mental) and I fear I will do the wrong thing. So I stick to being boring and platonic in the hopes she will like me. Sure I don't get rejected but I don't succeed either. So by trying to control mydself explicity I in turn shut down the doors that I am trying so hard to keep open.

          And I think because I am so repressed women feel repressed rather than free or open. I used to look for ways or instructions on how to be a natural with women. I now realise the reason they never have any is because they aren't restricitng themselves. Doing something at the conscious level most people do is to negate a barrier like when guys don't know what to say is most likely from trying to filter every possible option to find the best one.

          Then there's my issues around casual sex. I feel against it yet I'm not sure if for the right reasons or that theyamre my reasons even. I like the idea of casual sex on the proviso that both parties are respected. That's mine. but others like girls don't like it, they will be offended if I try, my previusly mentioned hangups around sex (supposedly its a skill I lack therefore if I start with a relationship she'll be more accepting), feels like I'm using the girl, etc.

          So ladies and gentd, where do I start to unravel the ropes I've bound myself with?

          Thanks!
          www.theaccordcenter.net

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks Delilah, I take it that process can be used for absolutely anything? I used itlast night when I found myself wanting to simply smile at a girl at the bar. I followed the process for each belief/thought that came up. Interestingly I can't recall what they were, all that really comes up is a nebative image/video which I can release on.

            I thought releasing on thoughts was bad as we have so many of them? Or is the release you gave me focusing on more than just the thought? Beliefs are formed from past experiences, so what effect does releasing in the now have on these causes?

            Also is there a similar process for positive beliefs? Welcoming a label or way of being that I don't currently associate to myself or act in. Like welcoming that I am a sexually confident man?

            And finally should I also add into the oiginal release what want is this thought coming from, and then welcome and release it?

            Thanks!

            Comment


            • #7
              Actually maybe I just answered part of my own question...If I'm thinking about something I want to be/do then I could release on anything that comes up. For example if a girl appears to be flirting and I want to assume she is interested my question can be 'What comes up for me when I want to assume a girl is innterested?' then release on the blocks. For example the first one that comes to mind is I could be wrong. So by releasing on the layers allows my positive belief to be more possible?

              Comment


              • #8
                Of the thoughts, feelings, images, sensations which are themost powerful? I find that feelings are attached to the question, thoughts arise in relation to the quwstion, and when there are no obvious thoughts a negative image appears which I also release on.

                Comment


                • #9
                  The bottom line with releasing is do what feels natural at the moment. As stated there is no "wrong" way. In fact other books on the subject say there aren't even "right" or "wrong" beliefs. You simply should ask yourself does the belief benefit me or not? If so keep it. If not release on it.

                  I think the hardest thing of all this, other than quieting the mind, are the concepts of wanting and desire. The act of wanting or desire something suggests lack. You don't want or desire something you already have as you just have it. However by the same token that doesn't mean you don't set goals and prefer/choose an outcome.

                  It is about the emotion. You keep focusing on your goal(s) but don't get upset when they don't happen fast enough.

                  My suggestion, as stated above, is to work heavily on approval. You are so consumed with wanting approval you are actually push it away. So I would sit down in your own comfortable area and in you mind act out some encounters. Replay some if that help and/or simply create fictitious ones and pay attention to what comes up. Then release on what you feel and with each release add to the end something like, "I release the need for approval. I know I am self-confident."

                  So simply do what feels natural at the time. This process isn't a contest or trying to do x "right". In fact "right" is just another mind game.

                  Remember there is your higher Self and then there is your mind, which is what we are all trying to quiet. Thoughts can not exist without the real you but you can stop thinking at times and still exist. Thus thoughts are not us. The phrase, "I think therefore I am" is backwards. To be accurate it should read, "I am therefore I think" or more accurately "I am aware therefore I can think" would be more accurate.
                  Last edited by solaris; 06-09-2012, 08:33 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Magnatolia,

                    Along with Delilah's excellent direction to start each releasing session with the question "In this moment, what's actually here now?", you'll also find it helpful to welcome the sense of wanting to figure it out (what should I be welcoming?). This could be the NOW feeling!

                    We get so caught up with this mental questioning and spinning that we're looking away from what is actually being experienced in the moment. So whenever you catch yourself wanting to figure something out; wanting to know what to do; wanting to know what it means; wanting to get the answer (it could be about anything), simply ask yourself:

                    "Could I welcome the sense of wanting to figure it out?" Notice how it feels on a feeling level, i.e. frustrated, stuck, helpless....

                    Then, "Could I let go of this feeling of wanting to figure it out...could I allow it to unravel and dissolve?" "Would I?" "When?"

                    As you do this a couple of times you will find yourself leading more with your heart, as opposed to your head, and releasing more deeply and naturally.

                    This is one of the core practices of the Sedona Method and often the one most overlooked. It's amazing how insights and realizations reveal themselves when the mind is quiet and the body relaxed. It will also enhance all your relationships, allowing your intuitive knowingness to lead the way.

                    All the best,
                    Annrika
                    Annrika James Sedona Method Instructor
                    www.sedonareleasingworldwide.com
                    [email protected]

                    Comment

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