Hey guys,
A lot of my holdbacks are suppressed and I don't always know of their existence. Some of the exercises bring them to the surface. The area I want to work on is relationships with women. I'm not sexual, forward, assertive, physical etc. I suppress myself due to not wanting to upset people.
I know what I want. I want to be that naturally attractive guy, the guy who stuff happens to. He has girls approach or flirt with him. Because of who he is rather than what he does.
I'm afraid of intimacy, sex, doing the wrong thing, being seen as wrong or doing something inappropriate, my voice (it lacks strength and it feels like there is a small lisp to it which means I'm self conscious of it).
How do I uncover what is stopping me? And how can I give my mind different alternatives to consider? For example I will never touch a girl in intimate areas such as side, lower back, leg unless she has initiated? Which is pretty weak to make her make a move I'm afraid of. Naturals tend to assume the best or rather they care little for the result so long as they are acting/being from their core and in alignment with their goal. Another example is a thing called the triangle gaze where you look at the girls lips and eyes if you want tokiss her. I see it as doing something to get something because for me it's conscious. Yet really I'm just acting in a wa that women find desirable. My fear around this is so strong that I demonstrate on female friends to see if it actually works.
When I approach a girl it's from a place of fear and doubt. I doubt my attractiveness (mental) and I fear I will do the wrong thing. So I stick to being boring and platonic in the hopes she will like me. Sure I don't get rejected but I don't succeed either. So by trying to control mydself explicity I in turn shut down the doors that I am trying so hard to keep open.
And I think because I am so repressed women feel repressed rather than free or open. I used to look for ways or instructions on how to be a natural with women. I now realise the reason they never have any is because they aren't restricitng themselves. Doing something at the conscious level most people do is to negate a barrier like when guys don't know what to say is most likely from trying to filter every possible option to find the best one.
Then there's my issues around casual sex. I feel against it yet I'm not sure if for the right reasons or that theyamre my reasons even. I like the idea of casual sex on the proviso that both parties are respected. That's mine. but others like girls don't like it, they will be offended if I try, my previusly mentioned hangups around sex (supposedly its a skill I lack therefore if I start with a relationship she'll be more accepting), feels like I'm using the girl, etc.
So ladies and gentd, where do I start to unravel the ropes I've bound myself with?
Thanks!
A lot of my holdbacks are suppressed and I don't always know of their existence. Some of the exercises bring them to the surface. The area I want to work on is relationships with women. I'm not sexual, forward, assertive, physical etc. I suppress myself due to not wanting to upset people.
I know what I want. I want to be that naturally attractive guy, the guy who stuff happens to. He has girls approach or flirt with him. Because of who he is rather than what he does.
I'm afraid of intimacy, sex, doing the wrong thing, being seen as wrong or doing something inappropriate, my voice (it lacks strength and it feels like there is a small lisp to it which means I'm self conscious of it).
How do I uncover what is stopping me? And how can I give my mind different alternatives to consider? For example I will never touch a girl in intimate areas such as side, lower back, leg unless she has initiated? Which is pretty weak to make her make a move I'm afraid of. Naturals tend to assume the best or rather they care little for the result so long as they are acting/being from their core and in alignment with their goal. Another example is a thing called the triangle gaze where you look at the girls lips and eyes if you want tokiss her. I see it as doing something to get something because for me it's conscious. Yet really I'm just acting in a wa that women find desirable. My fear around this is so strong that I demonstrate on female friends to see if it actually works.
When I approach a girl it's from a place of fear and doubt. I doubt my attractiveness (mental) and I fear I will do the wrong thing. So I stick to being boring and platonic in the hopes she will like me. Sure I don't get rejected but I don't succeed either. So by trying to control mydself explicity I in turn shut down the doors that I am trying so hard to keep open.
And I think because I am so repressed women feel repressed rather than free or open. I used to look for ways or instructions on how to be a natural with women. I now realise the reason they never have any is because they aren't restricitng themselves. Doing something at the conscious level most people do is to negate a barrier like when guys don't know what to say is most likely from trying to filter every possible option to find the best one.
Then there's my issues around casual sex. I feel against it yet I'm not sure if for the right reasons or that theyamre my reasons even. I like the idea of casual sex on the proviso that both parties are respected. That's mine. but others like girls don't like it, they will be offended if I try, my previusly mentioned hangups around sex (supposedly its a skill I lack therefore if I start with a relationship she'll be more accepting), feels like I'm using the girl, etc.
So ladies and gentd, where do I start to unravel the ropes I've bound myself with?
Thanks!
Comment