My GF had an affair

[gerbenvdr]

Hi all,

First of all, happy new year!

Mine isn't that happy at all.

Yesterday, my girlfriend (who I've been together with for 6,5yrs) told me she was or has been in love with someone else. And she has been sleeping with him for the past year. I knew we had our issues, and the passion was a bit gone, but I always believed we were going to work that out. I have to commit, I kissed some random girls while going out as well. So I guess we both made a mess of it. But sleeping with another guy, for a year! I just can't understand it!!!

And I just don't know what to do. I feel betrayed, sad, angry, numb and all of these things. Should we split or stay together? I just don't know. We own a house together as well, and I still love her. In many ways, we are perfect for eachother. I know many people are unfaithful, so what's the point in leaving her, when chances are big, the next one will do the same?

Please help

Many thanks

[radical]

I would suggest in all kindness making a list of all the ways that you have betrayed her and getting 100% clean on that. Then you might be able to have an honest conversation with this person.

[gerbenvdr]

Thanks Radical, highly appreciate your reply. What do you suggest I do with this 'list'? Release on it? Sorry for asking, I guess I'm not able to think clearly yet... You know the thing is, when I'm with her, I want us to stay together. But when I'm not with her, I get the feeling this is too much and I should leave her. That's so confusing!

[radical]

Yes release on it...you can also look at the 12 steps of AA and apply as applicable.
If you do the clean up process on her thoroughly you'll find that confusion will lift.

Manfred

[Vivek]

Hello Gerbenvdr, continuously releasing on this subject should help you make great headway towards healing. I would suggest to keep on releasing on whatever thought/emotion comes up on this issue and continue till CAP.

But sleeping with another guy, for a year! I just can't understand it!!!

Could you welcome the wanting to understand it/make sense of it?
Could you allow it to be here and now?
Could you welcome any wanting to do with it, including change it, or hold on to it?
Could you welcome an sense that this is about you, or who you are?
Now, could you let go of all that?

I feel betrayed, sad, angry, numb and all of these things.

Keep releasing those emotions and the want(s) behind them. Do the likes/dislikes process on her and on the relationship b/w you and her.

Do the Advantages/disadvantages process continuously before you make any decision. Once you have clarity, your own intuitive knowingness will guide you to what is the right direction for you. All the best.

[gerbenvdr]

Thanks a lot!

The last days I'm developing a feeling saying 'I want it to be good again'. Now for a holistic release, wat is the other side of that? Is it:

- Resisting it to be good again
- Wanting it to not be good again
- Having it to be good again

Or is t all of the above?

Many thanks again

[Sedona Training -- Alex]

Holistic releasing,
Could I let go of wanting it to be good again/ could I let go of wanting it to be bad again.
Could I let go of resisting that it could be good again / Could I let go of resisting that it could be bad again
Could I allow myself to have it good again / could I allow myself to have it bad again?

Excellent approach to releasing and getting into the now. You can replace the words good and bad with whatever you decide is positive and negative.

Alex