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  • old subconscious beliefs and preferences

    Hi everyone!

    I stumbled upon a very important question and thought, perhaps, I could get some clarity from you guys.

    1. Someone said that our subconscious beliefs concerning different matters, do NOT want to leave, because they've been there a long time and think they serve us. This post actually ties in with one of my former posts; actually the one before the last. Larry Crane says that every feeling wants to leave, which would suggest that even the subconscious beliefs would like to leave, being that they are feelings too. I think that the reason the beliefs hang on is NOT because THEY want to, but rather because our minds WANT IT. Now, this would serve people incredibly well to be aware of. We always blame our subconsc beliefs for this and that, but truth to be told, it's not the beliefs in and of themselves that wish to linger - it's our resistance/attachment to them and so our subconsc will to hold on to them that causes them to persist. What do you think?


    This one is important to me:
    2 If every feeling wants to leave, does that mean that our personal preferences wish to leave as well? By personal preferences, I mean, in this instance, our personal taste when it comes to romantic partners. People seem to get increasingly picky when it comes to choosing a partner; physical attributes, etc seem to play a large role these days in peoples value-and-criteria-system. For instance, let's say someone desire his women to be in a certain way or ways, physically, does that then mean that that particular "preference" wishes to leave also? If that person really has a hangup concerning that "preference" in his women, and discards those who do not entirely meet it, then why would he want to change it?

    I mean if he really holds on to that preference, and thinks it gives him some sort of happiness or satisfaction (although he knows within himself that it is an unhealthy habit), would it serve him to release on that "preference"?? It's like if someone loves lasagne, then why would they want to change that? OK, granted, they know perhaps that the "lasagne" is not that good for them, and that it may hamper them in future dealings and relationships with women, but... how would they go about a situation like this?? The Lasagne, in this case, being a metaphor of course.


    Love, Robert

  • #2
    Hi Robert!

    Great question!

    But first! notice any wanting to figure things out...could you let that go? Would you? When?

    Subconscious beliefs, even ones that have been put in place "as an unhelpful way" to help that undermine our progress are reflected in our problems and issues etc. If you insert your problems, issues, patterns, obstacles into the adv/disadv, like/dislike, attract/avers processes you will unearth these beliefs directly and release on them directly.

    Yes, everything that you feel, think etc "wants" to be released. It is coming up to be released. If you can think of thoughts and feelings as energy then you can conceive of the energy being dynamic and moving on through the bodymind. Your unlimited self is underneath all of your preferences. A preference is a limitation. Plain and simple. Many of us choose to hold onto preferences. Some preferences really get in the way of accomplishing goals and some folks choose to release on them because they "prefer" to accomplish the goal to holding on to the preference.

    Best,
    Delilah
    www.theaccordcenter.net

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you Delilah!

      So what you are saying that every feeling wants to be released? Even preferences? Let's say that someone is in a relationship with someone that he loves, but there is a nagging thought, and he can't seem to get rid of it. Let's say it is a perhaps physical preference that perhaps his partner doesn't match up with completely (and never will), and yet, he loves her and dares not break up with her solely because of the preference. Still, he feels trapped, and truly wants to release the preference, but still there is a desire SO STRONG FOR THAT PREFERENCE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT, IT BURNS IN HIS SOUL, IT BURNS BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT THAT WOMAN CAN NEVER EVER MEET WITH THAT PREFERENCE... HIS WISH FOR HER TO SATISFY THAT PREFERENCE IS SO STRONG IT COULD REALLY SPLIT MOUNTAINS, IT IS AS STRONG AS ANYTHING COULD POSSIBLY BE... I'M NOT KIDDING HERE.... and yet he knows and truly wants to release on that preference as long as he's in a relationship with her, so he can live in peace.

      This is the hardest imaginable conundrum for me... I can't seem to wrap my head around it... I mean, it's one thing if you wish to release on a negative feeling or attitude that you no longer wish to entertain in your life, but how on earth can you release on a personal preference????? Granted, the preference is not good for me in this case since she doesn't correspond with it, I know it, and I want to get rid of it to get peace, but it is so hard.
      It's not hard deciding wether or not to release on it - the problem is the release itself, because the preference won't hardly budge!!!!! It just stays and won't get released!!!

      HOW do I overcome this???, Delilah? Please, help with an answer... and please devise a sedona formula, too....

      Oh, btw, what if this hangup has to do with some sort of OCD?? You know, obsessive thoughts, feelings... feel worried... I mentioned in an earlier post that I suffered from some variation of OCD...

      Love, R

      - - - Updated - - -

      Thank you Delilah!

      So what you are saying that every feeling wants to be released? Even preferences? Let's say that someone is in a relationship with someone that he loves, but there is a nagging thought, and he can't seem to get rid of it. Let's say it is a perhaps physical preference that perhaps his partner doesn't match up with completely (and never will), and yet, he loves her and dares not break up with her solely because of the preference. Still, he feels trapped, and truly wants to release the preference, but still there is a desire SO STRONG FOR THAT PREFERENCE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT, IT BURNS IN HIS SOUL, IT BURNS BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT THAT WOMAN CAN NEVER EVER MEET WITH THAT PREFERENCE... HIS WISH FOR HER TO SATISFY THAT PREFERENCE IS SO STRONG IT COULD REALLY SPLIT MOUNTAINS, IT IS AS STRONG AS ANYTHING COULD POSSIBLY BE... I'M NOT KIDDING HERE.... and yet he knows and truly wants to release on that preference as long as he's in a relationship with her, so he can live in peace.

      This is the hardest imaginable conundrum for me... I can't seem to wrap my head around it... I mean, it's one thing if you wish to release on a negative feeling or attitude that you no longer wish to entertain in your life, but how on earth can you release on a personal preference????? Granted, the preference is not good for me in this case since she doesn't correspond with it, I know it, and I want to get rid of it to get peace, but it is so hard.
      It's not hard deciding to release on it - it's a reeaaal pain in the butt releasing on it, because it won't hardly budge!!!!! It just stays and won't get released!!!

      HOW do I overcome this???, Delilah? Please, help with an answer... and please devise a sedona formula, too....

      Love, R
      Last edited by robbiezen; 04-11-2014, 12:37 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi robbiezen!

        You're actually speaking to two things here. One is a preference. And the other is a relationship.

        I have no idea what preference you are referring to but in a relationship we sometimes put a preference aside because the value of the relationship is so high. If the relationship is of higher value than the preference then you have a direction to go in. You can release around the preference so that it has less charge. If the preference is of higher value than the relationship then you can release on the relationship so that it has less charge. Both the relationship and the preference can be inserted into releasing processes (separately) and that can help to put things in perspective with regard to how to move forward. Check and see what wants the preference and also the relationship are stirring up and release on them.

        Also, when a relationship is of very high value we can give ourselves over to a preference in a way that doesn't hurt the relationship. Example: You like the mountains and your significant other prefers the sea. Both of you can trade off where you go for vacation so that both preferences are met constructively. Or you vacation by the sea with your S.O. half the time and on your own or with friends in the mountains the other half of the time. This is a relatively benign example. But there are instances where the preference is not so benign. Example: You want to go into the military or law enforcement and you S.O. can not tolerate living with the risks involved in that kind of vocation. Then you have to release more fervently so that you can either find a way to negotiate with your S.O. more productively so that they can accept that this is a deep heart's desire and that you feel it is your calling. Or you have to release more fervently on having a relationship with someone that can not accept and find a way to live with your deepest heart's desire.

        Since I have no idea what you are preferring I am shooting in the dark here. I can say with total confidence that releasing is an extremely powerful and thoroughly effective internal process. It affords you the opportunity to free yourself even from OCD tendencies and to have more totally fulfilling relationships. The more you release, the freer you can be on every level.

        Best,
        Delilah
        Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 04-12-2014, 08:15 AM.
        www.theaccordcenter.net

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by robbiezen View Post
          Thank you Delilah!

          So what you are saying that every feeling wants to be released? Even preferences? Let's say that someone is in a relationship with someone that he loves, but there is a nagging thought, and he can't seem to get rid of it. Let's say it is a perhaps physical preference that perhaps his partner doesn't match up with completely (and never will), and yet, he loves her and dares not break up with her solely because of the preference. Still, he feels trapped, and truly wants to release the preference, but still there is a desire SO STRONG FOR THAT PREFERENCE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT, IT BURNS IN HIS SOUL, IT BURNS BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT THAT WOMAN CAN NEVER EVER MEET WITH THAT PREFERENCE... HIS WISH FOR HER TO SATISFY THAT PREFERENCE IS SO STRONG IT COULD REALLY SPLIT MOUNTAINS, IT IS AS STRONG AS ANYTHING COULD POSSIBLY BE... I'M NOT KIDDING HERE.... and yet he knows and truly wants to release on that preference as long as he's in a relationship with her, so he can live in peace.

          This is the hardest imaginable conundrum for me... I can't seem to wrap my head around it... I mean, it's one thing if you wish to release on a negative feeling or attitude that you no longer wish to entertain in your life, but how on earth can you release on a personal preference????? Granted, the preference is not good for me in this case since she doesn't correspond with it, I know it, and I want to get rid of it to get peace, but it is so hard.
          It's not hard deciding wether or not to release on it - the problem is the release itself, because the preference won't hardly budge!!!!! It just stays and won't get released!!!

          HOW do I overcome this???, Delilah? Please, help with an answer... and please devise a sedona formula, too....

          Oh, btw, what if this hangup has to do with some sort of OCD?? You know, obsessive thoughts, feelings... feel worried... I mentioned in an earlier post that I suffered from some variation of OCD...

          Love, R

          - - - Updated - - -

          Thank you Delilah!

          So what you are saying that every feeling wants to be released? Even preferences? Let's say that someone is in a relationship with someone that he loves, but there is a nagging thought, and he can't seem to get rid of it. Let's say it is a perhaps physical preference that perhaps his partner doesn't match up with completely (and never will), and yet, he loves her and dares not break up with her solely because of the preference. Still, he feels trapped, and truly wants to release the preference, but still there is a desire SO STRONG FOR THAT PREFERENCE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT, IT BURNS IN HIS SOUL, IT BURNS BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT THAT WOMAN CAN NEVER EVER MEET WITH THAT PREFERENCE... HIS WISH FOR HER TO SATISFY THAT PREFERENCE IS SO STRONG IT COULD REALLY SPLIT MOUNTAINS, IT IS AS STRONG AS ANYTHING COULD POSSIBLY BE... I'M NOT KIDDING HERE.... and yet he knows and truly wants to release on that preference as long as he's in a relationship with her, so he can live in peace.

          This is the hardest imaginable conundrum for me... I can't seem to wrap my head around it... I mean, it's one thing if you wish to release on a negative feeling or attitude that you no longer wish to entertain in your life, but how on earth can you release on a personal preference????? Granted, the preference is not good for me in this case since she doesn't correspond with it, I know it, and I want to get rid of it to get peace, but it is so hard.
          It's not hard deciding to release on it - it's a reeaaal pain in the butt releasing on it, because it won't hardly budge!!!!! It just stays and won't get released!!!

          HOW do I overcome this???, Delilah? Please, help with an answer... and please devise a sedona formula, too....

          Love, R

          releasing is actually synonymous to total acceptance. it might not be so apparent, but the freedom that you are is unconditional acceptance.

          when you release on a want, it can be said that you are actually accepting that want. in the total acceptance of that want it is seen that you are whole, and perfect and complete as you are and a "feeling" of being released comes up. in the space of what you are everything is accepted, even the non-acceptance of the illusory separate self.

          it is clear that you dont want this preference. when you release on it, what you are actually trying to do is accept that preference. when it has been fully accepted, the separate self dissolves and along with it the resistance to the preference. ONLY the separate self can have resistance. your True Nature does not know resistance. the paradox here is that when the resistance to the preference dissolves you are no longer a prisoner of the preference, and you may either follow that preference or you will discard it. either way you will be at peace.

          as for the releasing itself, there is absolutely no difference between releasing a very small irritation and something as big as this.

          see, its not about magically vanishing your aversions. it is, and has always been about total acceptance of the infinite manifestations of your true nature.
          Last edited by Wayners; 04-12-2014, 01:44 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you, Delilah

            No, I did not mention the nature of the preference. It's kind of personal, and I am truly ashamed of my behavior, that's why I wish to keep it under wraps. But it is a kind of physical preference, but not in the way that you would imagine. It's really kind of silly... I'm sitting on the fence here, as to whether or not to disclose it. No, the preference is not of higher value than the value of the relationship... I don't think so.

            The preference is stirring up wants like: completion, happiness, contentment, fulfillment of desire, fulfillment of romance. I love being in love and i feel that romance is satisfying all my needs. I feel that if the woman is perfect in every sense, then it MAKES ME PERFECT AND WHOLE!! That's the best way i can describe it.

            .
            And I get reminded of this problem several times a day... and sometimes it really stings in my heart. It can happen in the supermarket line, everywhere.

            The preference is something in a woman that I have never really experienced before with someone else, and a part of me WANTS IT!! I want to experience it with a woman, so I can feel whole and happy!! And it just kills me that she does not meet with it... it really nags my soul. Other than that, the relationship is perfect, aside from the occasional tiff and fuss.

            And do you wish to hear the really sad part, Delilah? I suspect that I sometimes intentionally start fights just so I can have an excuse for leaving her, because of the inability to reconcile with her lack of correspondence with the preference.. How messed up is that?? I fear that I am sabotaging this relationship, just so I can have someone else who meets with that preference. But here's the kicker in that; I don't want anybody else, even if they do meet with the preference... I want her... only, I want her to meet with the preference!!

            It's driving me mad Delilah,... I've used sedona on it for a couple of days, and it's helped a little.. but I am losing faith.... please help me formulate a couple of Sedona-phrases which I can use here...

            Also: there are things that I do, and that I make her do, in order to soothe and take the edge of this problem. Let me just state that is NOT anything harmful or disrespectful that I do to her or make her do. NOTHING happens against her will. It's just kind of healthy and beneficial stuff. Only, she does not know the true reason behind it - and I have not told her about my problem. My fear is that if I release on this problem, it will somehow stop me from doing these things for her that my mind thinks will help take the edge of the problem. I truly believe that these "things" will help slow down the problem, and I don't want to stop doing them for her... its like I don't trust God enough to hand this thing over to him to solve for me....

            - - - Updated - - -

            Thank you, Delilah

            No, I did not mention the nature of the preference. It's kind of personal, and I am truly ashamed of my behavior, that's why I wish to keep it under wraps. But it is a kind of physical preference, but not in the way that you would imagine. It's really kind of silly... I'm sitting on the fence here, as to whether or not to disclose it. No, the preference is not of higher value than the value of the relationship... I don't think so.

            The preference is stirring up wants like: completion, happiness, contentment, fulfillment of desire, fulfillment of romance. I love being in love and i feel that romance is satisfying all my needs. I feel that if the woman is perfect in every sense, then it MAKES ME PERFECT AND WHOLE!! That's the best way i can describe it.

            .
            And I get reminded of this problem several times a day... and sometimes it really stings in my heart. It can happen in the supermarket line, everywhere.

            The preference is something in a woman that I have never really experienced before with someone else, and a part of me WANTS IT!! I want to experience it with a woman, so I can feel whole and happy!! And it just kills me that she does not meet with it... it really nags my soul. Other than that, the relationship is perfect, aside from the occasional tiff and fuss.

            And do you wish to hear the really sad part, Delilah? I suspect that I sometimes intentionally start fights just so I can have an excuse for leaving her, because of the inability to reconcile with her lack of correspondence with the preference.. How messed up is that?? I fear that I am sabotaging this relationship, just so I can have someone else who meets with that preference. But here's the kicker in that; I don't want anybody else, even if they do meet with the preference... I want her... only, I want her to meet with the preference!!

            It's driving me mad Delilah,... I've used sedona on it for a couple of days, and it's helped a little.. but I am losing faith.... please help me formulate a couple of Sedona-phrases which I can use here...
            Last edited by robbiezen; 04-12-2014, 12:21 PM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you Wayners

              It calms me to hear you say that there is no difference between releasing small things and big things... Do you know what I feel? i feel that this is impossible...
              Because at the same time that I don't want the preference, a part of me still wants it...

              you said : the paradox here is that when the resistance to the preference dissolves you are no longer a prisoner of the preference, and you may either follow that preference or you will discard it. either way you will be at peace.


              what do you mean by this??

              - - - Updated - - -

              Thank you Wayners

              It calms me to hear you say that there is no difference between releasing small things and big things... Do you know what I feel? i feel that this is impossible...
              Because at the same time that I don't want the preference, a part of me still wants it...

              you said : the paradox here is that when the resistance to the preference dissolves you are no longer a prisoner of the preference, and you may either follow that preference or you will discard it. either way you will be at peace.


              what do you mean by this??

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by robbiezen View Post
                Thank you Wayners

                It calms me to hear you say that there is no difference between releasing small things and big things... Do you know what I feel? i feel that this is impossible...
                Because at the same time that I don't want the preference, a part of me still wants it...

                you said : the paradox here is that when the resistance to the preference dissolves you are no longer a prisoner of the preference, and you may either follow that preference or you will discard it. either way you will be at peace.


                what do you mean by this??

                - - - Updated - - -
                yes, it happens a lot of times, you are not alone there . you want the preference to happen, of course. but you care about the relationship a lot.

                for most times we have an idea of how things SHOULD be. how people should behave, how circumstances should be, how the world should be.

                but look deeply, what is wrong with your relationship now? if the preference is not complied with, what is wrong with it? it becomes wrong ONLY when compared to the "way things should be" standard that you have invented. there is no SHOULD be, my friend. the relationship with the preference is perfect as it is. the relationship without the preference is perfect as it is. ALL are expressions of life and they are beautiful and perfect as they are. EVERY expression of life is beautiful and perfect and divine. it is perfect even in its apparent imperfection.

                now to the mind we look.

                thought #1 says: i want this preference.

                thought #2 says: no difference between releasing small and big things? you gotta be kidding me.

                thought #3 says: i dont want and want the preference.

                that which says it is impossible to release on it is only a thought. the same goes with the preference. and everything else. yes, a feeling may go with it.

                all of which are just thoughts and feelings and they can be released. there is no difference whatsoever with the thought "i am irritated" and the thought "this is too big, impossible to release". both are thoughts. both can be released the same way.

                finally to your direct question to me:
                the paradox is that when you totally accept (fully released) the preference, you are actually freed from the "hold" the preference has on you. i meant that when you release on it, you are freed from it. it does not necessarily mean the preference will disappear, it means that even if the preference were still there, or disappear, either way you will not be bothered by it. you will be joyful and at peace, whatever happens.

                hope this helps,


                - - - Updated - - -

                Originally posted by robbiezen View Post
                Thank you Wayners

                It calms me to hear you say that there is no difference between releasing small things and big things... Do you know what I feel? i feel that this is impossible...
                Because at the same time that I don't want the preference, a part of me still wants it...

                you said : the paradox here is that when the resistance to the preference dissolves you are no longer a prisoner of the preference, and you may either follow that preference or you will discard it. either way you will be at peace.


                what do you mean by this??

                - - - Updated - - -
                yes, it happens a lot of times, you are not alone there . you want the preference to happen, of course. but you care about the relationship a lot.

                for most times we have an idea of how things SHOULD be. how people should behave, how circumstances should be, how the world should be.

                but look deeply, what is wrong with your relationship now? if the preference is not complied with, what is wrong with it? it becomes wrong ONLY when compared to the "way things should be" standard that you have invented. there is no SHOULD be, my friend. the relationship with the preference is perfect as it is. the relationship without the preference is perfect as it is. ALL are expressions of life and they are beautiful and perfect as they are. EVERY expression of life is beautiful and perfect and divine. it is perfect even in its apparent imperfection.

                now to the mind we look.

                thought #1 says: i want this preference.

                thought #2 says: no difference between releasing small and big things? you gotta be kidding me.

                thought #3 says: i dont want and want the preference.

                that which says it is impossible to release on it is only a thought. the same goes with the preference. and everything else. yes, a feeling may go with it.

                all of which are just thoughts and feelings and they can be released. there is no difference whatsoever with the thought "i am irritated" and the thought "this is too big, impossible to release". both are thoughts. both can be released the same way.

                finally to your direct question to me:
                the paradox is that when you totally accept (fully released) the preference, you are actually freed from the "hold" the preference has on you. i meant that when you release on it, you are freed from it. it does not necessarily mean the preference will disappear, it means that even if the preference were still there, or disappear, either way you will not be bothered by it. you will be joyful and at peace, whatever happens.

                hope this helps,

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thank you Wayners for you reply. There's a lot to take in, that's why I try to read it a couple of times.





                  I just hope Delilah notices and replies to my last reply to her....

                  - - - Updated - - -

                  Thank you Wayners for you reply. There's a lot to take in, that's why I try to read it a couple of times.





                  I just hope Delilah notices and replies to my last reply to her....

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi robbiezen!

                    I can't offer you a specific script because I have no idea what you are actually wanting or doing. And frankly it doesn't really matter what the details or the specifics are.

                    You wrote:

                    "The preference is stirring up wants like: completion, happiness, contentment, fulfillment of desire, fulfillment of romance. I love being in love and i feel that romance is satisfying all my needs. I feel that if the woman is perfect in every sense, then it MAKES ME PERFECT AND WHOLE!! That's the best way i can describe it."


                    I can see from your post that you have a series of wants that would be best inserted into the wants that are in the basic TSM program. These wants are: wanting approval, control, security, separation or oneness. Have a look at the book or the basic program recordings and see how your wants fit in to the specific wants I just mentioned. The above mentioned wants, the wants that are part of TSM are extremely useful and enlightening because they are ubiquitous core human wants and when you actually work with those words you discover so much about what is at the core of your unhappiness/issues and what are the real obstacles to your living your life optimally in every way. TSM is actually quite simple process and if you actually use TSM as it set up you won't have to work so hard and you will find freedom and joy much more quickly.

                    Best,
                    Delilah
                    www.theaccordcenter.net

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hi Delilah

                      Thank you for your reply. It's so sweet of you to take the time and effort to help me.

                      No, I haven't mentioned the preference. I do wish to get rid of it, because it is hurting my relationship and my view of her. It is kind of a physical preference, but not in the way you would imagine... I am ashamed of mentioning it. It is kind of personal....

                      The preference, if met, would make me whole, complete, and super happy. I want to be in love with the perfect woman, and she would certainly be that if she met the preference, but she doesn't quite... and therefore I have difficulty loving her 100 percent. I would imagine that I do lover her 100 percent under the surface of this preference, but it has kind of gotten eclipsed... You could say that I seek the perfect love... that is the ultimate want.... but not ordinary, platonic, love. I want to be with someone who matches my romantic preference 100 percent, so that I may feel complete... And I feel only romantic amorous love can do that.... :-( [B] I WANT HER TO LOOK HER BEST...

                      You see, Delilah... I've never really experienced a relationship before where my partner possessed that "preference"... so that's why I am extra nuts about it,,

                      But I love this girl... and I want to be with her... I wish to get rid of this preference...



                      I just checked out the book. The wants i just described above; do they fall under security and control??

                      1. Do you suggest I use: Could I allow myself wanting.....blank
                      could I welcome wanting...blank
                      could i let go of .... blank

                      2. Is this correct? Or would you suggest something better? What do I fill in the blanks with?

                      3. frequently throughout the day I get reminded of this "preference", and it really stings like hell in me... a really nagging burning poisonous sensation... what do I do when these feelings strike me??



                      love,
                      R

                      - - - Updated - - -

                      Hi Delilah

                      Thank you for your reply. It's so sweet of you to take the time and effort to help me.

                      No, I haven't mentioned the preference. I do wish to get rid of it, because it is hurting my relationship and my view of her. It is kind of a physical preference, but not in the way you would imagine... I am ashamed of mentioning it. It is kind of personal....

                      The preference, if met, would make me whole, complete, and super happy. I want to be in love with the perfect woman, and she would certainly be that if she met the preference, but she doesn't quite... and therefore I have difficulty loving her 100 percent. I would imagine that I do lover her 100 percent under the surface of this preference, but it has kind of gotten eclipsed... You could say that I seek the perfect love... that is the ultimate want.... but not ordinary, platonic, love. I want to be with someone who matches my romantic preference 100 percent, so that I may feel complete... and I feel only romantic amorous love can do that.... :-( [B] I WANT HER TO LOOK HER BEST...

                      You see, Delilah... I've never really experienced a relationship before where my partner possessed that "preference"... so that's why I am extra nuts about it,,

                      But I love this girl... and I want to be with her... I wish to get rid of this preference...



                      I just checked out the book. The wants i just described above; do they fall under security and control??

                      1. Do you suggest I use: Could I allow myself wanting.....blank
                      could I welcome wanting...blank
                      could i let go of .... blank

                      2. Is this correct? Or would you suggest something better? What do I fill in the blanks with?

                      3. frequently throughout the day I get reminded of this "preference", and it really stings like hell in me... a really nagging burning poisonous sensation... what do I do when these feelings strike me??



                      love,
                      R

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi robbiezen!

                        You fill in each blank with whatever want resonates for you until there is no wanting left around this issue. There is no right or one want. When you are OK with whatever happens you know you've released any attachment to the preference.

                        You wrote:

                        "The preference, if met, would make me whole, complete, and super happy. I want to be in love with the perfect woman, and she would certainly be that if she met the preference, but she doesn't quite... and therefore I have difficulty loving her 100 percent. I would imagine that I do lover her 100 percent under the surface of this preference, but it has kind of gotten eclipsed... You could say that I seek the perfect love... that is the ultimate want.... but not ordinary, platonic, love. I want to be with someone who matches my romantic preference 100 percent, so that I may feel complete... and I feel only romantic amorous love can do that.... :-( [B] I WANT HER TO LOOK HER BEST..."

                        Can you welcome all of that?

                        Can you welcome wanting to do anything with any of that like hold it close, figure it out, defend it, justify it, etc"

                        Can you welcome any feeling that this is personal, about you, about who and what you are and about her and who or what she is?

                        See also what happens when you explore adv/disadv process around this. What are the adv/disadv for having this preference/issue? You might discover that there is a lot going on underneath all this that has nothing to do with her and nothing to do with love. Also, check and see if there is any resistance to love?

                        Lastly, welcome all the sensations that are coming up around this, the stinging, burning and nagging etc. And check , are you those sensations? If those sensations disappeared would you disappear?



                        Best,
                        Delilah
                        www.theaccordcenter.net

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                        • #13
                          Oh, my dear Delilah... you are the greatest...


                          Thank you so much... I will try this out... (Yoda says, do or do not - there is no try...)

                          I will get back in a couple of days to let you know how it's going.

                          Thanks a million for your patience...

                          So please Delilah... stay alert for my next post.



                          love
                          Robert

                          - - - Updated - - -

                          Oh, my dear Delilah... you are the greatest...


                          Thank you so much... I will try this out... (Yoda says, do or do not - there is no try...)

                          I will get back in a couple of days to let you know how it's going....

                          Thanks a million for your patience...



                          love
                          Robert
                          Last edited by robbiezen; 04-15-2014, 03:47 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            It looks to me like you're using the word preference to cloak a wanting to control.[bold text] If it's a preference then you don't mind having something else instead, you're open to the possibility that the something else might even be better.

                            So as I see it, you're wanting to control both something the other person cannot change and wanting to control your "preferences" Afraid to let go of that preference in case you don't get what you want or discover that something better is there, if it's just a preference.

                            Alex

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