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Letting go of defensiveness

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  • DelilahCertifiedSMCoach
    replied
    Originally posted by stace45 View Post
    My wife said I am defensive. She has brought it up quite a few times. I want to solve this. When ever some thing goes wrong she points it out to me and in the heat of the moment I defend myself. It's tough for me to be present and release on this in the moment because I have to talk to my wife and resolve the situation in the moment verses releasing on it in the moment.

    I need to figure out a way to get to the root of this problem. I have worked on wanting security. I am not sure how to solve this outside of when the emotion comes up.
    Hi stace45!

    First, could you let go of wanting to figure out the root of the problem?

    Defensiveness is a fairly common tendency. Could you welcome that there is this tendency? And see if you want to get rid of this tendency? Welcome that. And then see if you could let go of wanting to get rid of this tendency?

    Also notice any thoughts, feeling, sensations, images, memories, or fantasies around things going wrong. Could you welcome all of that?

    Welcome wanting to change any of that, figure it out, get rid of it, control it or any of the "wants" that might come up around things going wrong.

    And welcome any feeling that this is about you or who you are.

    Would it be OK if that feeling just dissolved?

    When?

    You might also take a moment when your wife points something out to you, before you say anything, and welcome whatever comes up IN THAT MOMENT. We all seem to feel so much pressure to react instantly to everything. If you take a moment to welcome what's coming up before you speak you might discover that just by welcoming it that you've released it. Folks actually don't even notice if we take a moment before reacting. So often the pressure to react instantly is really coming from inside of ourselves. And remember, welcoming is the second most fundamental way to release.

    Keep us posted on how this works for you,
    Delilah

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  • stace45
    started a topic Letting go of defensiveness

    Letting go of defensiveness

    My wife said I am defensive. She has brought it up quite a few times. I want to solve this. When ever some thing goes wrong she points it out to me and in the heat of the moment I defend myself. It's tough for me to be present and release on this in the moment because I have to talk to my wife and resolve the situation in the moment verses releasing on it in the moment.

    I need to figure out a way to get to the root of this problem. I have worked on wanting security. I am not sure how to solve this outside of when the emotion comes up.
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