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Worried about releasing wantin to change/control.

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  • Worried about releasing wantin to change/control.

    One issue I'm releasing on is wanting control. I could let it go but choose not which is why I'm holding on.

    I know releasing wanting approval ironically helps you get approval because it makes you stop caring what people think so you be yourself anywhere, and I know letting go of wanting security gives you security because fearing something makes it more likely to appear. But I dont see how letting go of wanting to control will help me get control. One thing I'm worried about is the acceptance thing if I let go of wanting to control something and than accept it as it is I may lose the chance to have that thing.

    my main reason for holding on is I'm worried if I let go of wanting to change it I'll just decide 'things are ok as they are' and will lose the ability to change for the better.

    For example if I want to change a certain behaviour and than let go what if I just start not behaving that way and than feel 'it's ok not to change' so lose the ability to improve that behaviour.

    One that came up was excercisinf if I let go of wanting to change that I'm not excercising I feared I just wouldn't excercise because I don't want to change that I'm not doing it so would just accept not doing the action because it's easier to not do it.

    or what if I'm procrastinating doing something and let go of wanting to change that I'm not doing it than because I don't want to change it I feel ok being lazy and not taking action towards my goals?

    Can someone with experience letting go of this tell me what's happened to them as they let go of wanting to change, how did it impact your life? Did you have to sacrifice by giving up the potential to change certain outcomes?

  • #2
    What you resist will persist. If you're wanting control, you're implying you don't have control and by wanting it you're resisting not having control. (I don't like that I don't have control, go away not having control, I'm going to keep fighting that I don't have control,) Get the idea? So as long ask you keep wanting you're resisting (usually the opposite). And what you resist, persist. The question could be asked another way, could you let go of *not* having control?



    • #3
      Hi honestowl!

      All good questions. In the examples that you gave here notice how wanting to change the behavior is often also coupled with resistance to the actual change that you want to make. So see if you can welcome both wanting control AND welcome resistance to the actual behaviors you are wanting to engage in. You can welcome wanting control and resistance to the behaviors you want to engage in separately or together. They are often layered together but you can tease them out and focus on each separately or notice the two layers as they occur simultaneously.

      Releasing is an internal process. And it's not for the purpose of getting you to do or not do something. It's for the purpose of getting into flow so that you are free to do the things that you would like to do but also so you are free to not do something as well. This may not make sense to the logical mind so think about this. When we are contracted around wanting to take an action, is it easier or harder? When we are resisting an action then it's obvious that it makes it harder but resistance is a contraction too. Lester says, "Could you allow yourself to do what you are doing when you are doing it and could you let go of not doing something when you are not doing it?" When we allow all the internal controversies to release we find that we are often doing things that we either found were very hard to do or we never thought we could do.

      The idea that we need to be (should be) pushing and pulling ourselves into action just creates more resistance. Usually when we are in flow, feeling peaceful and energized, and joyful, we find ourselves behaving in all sorts of positive ways effortlessly.

      If it's hard to let go of a want or anything for that matter, then just welcome it. Let it be here as much as it is in the way that it is. Fully open to it and it will release. Welcoming is the second most fundamental way to release!