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Is this wanting to "control others"?

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  • Is this wanting to "control others"?

    Sometimes when I'm confident and feeling good, the people I interact with aren't feeling good themselves and I can say things from my confident state that can cause others to feel bad. In no way am I being mean, but my confidence I can feel sometimes intimidate others, and I feel bad for them and my state drops. E.g. when I'm being honest in a calm way, people can take this as being rude.

    Is this me simply wanting to control other people? Where then does compassion into this? Should I drop down to their level or stay confident and calm and collected?

  • #2
    Originally posted by mangos View Post
    Sometimes when I'm confident and feeling good, the people I interact with aren't feeling good themselves and I can say things from my confident state that can cause others to feel bad. In no way am I being mean, but my confidence I can feel sometimes intimidate others, and I feel bad for them and my state drops. E.g. when I'm being honest in a calm way, people can take this as being rude.

    Is this me simply wanting to control other people? Where then does compassion into this? Should I drop down to their level or stay confident and calm and collected?
    I recommend doing the end of the day clearing. Clear on the wanting to control others
    http://www.sedona.com/programs/beginning-release.asp

    If they feel bad because of your point of view, let go of needing them to share your point of view.

    Alex

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    • #3
      Hi mangos!

      Check and see how this works for you:

      Is there any wanting to be controlled by how the other person feels?
      Could you let go of wanting to be controlled by how the other person feels?

      It sometimes takes time for people to adjust to our becoming more confident.

      If you feel comfortable enough you might ask how they are feeling because sometimes we assume things about others' feelings. And you can also ask for feedback so that you can be really clear if they are truly feeling bad about your confidence. Also, check and see if you feel guilty for feeling more confident. Sometimes we have unspoken contracts with others about ow we should be feeling together or how we should be relating to others. As Alex mentioned, using the clean up process is very useful fro this.

      Feeling compassion for someone can be expressed in a simple question. Just ask the other person how or what they are feeling and usually they will tell you.

      Best,
      Delilah
      Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 01-30-2017, 07:20 AM.
      www.theaccordcenter.net

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      • #4
        Originally posted by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach View Post
        Hi mangos!

        Check and see how this works for you:

        Is there any wanting to be controlled by how the other person feels?
        Could you let go of wanting to be controlled by how the other person feels?

        It sometimes takes time for people to adjust to our becoming more confident.

        If you feel comfortable enough you might ask how they are feeling because sometimes we assume things about others' feelings. And you can also ask for feedback so that you can be really clear if they are truly feeling bad about your confidence. Also, check and see if you feel guilty for feeling more confident. Sometimes we have unspoken contracts with others about ow we should be feeling together or how we should be relating to others. As Alex mentioned, using the clean up process is very useful fro this.

        Feeling compassion for someone can be expressed in a simple question. Just ask the other person how or what they are feeling and usually they will tell you.

        Best,
        Delilah
        Thanks Alex and delilah!

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