# Wanting to be done with the world
## Initial post
Sorry, for again showing up with a challenge. I bet its good when I also write about gains and successes. There were many of them. I even found a releasing partner and I may bring up this topic on our next appointment.
I object the regulations regarding the public television fees in my country since quite a while. I see them as a way to take money from resource-poor people and to transfer that money to resource-rich people and to support a kind of public television that does not really fulfill its original purpose anymore and more and more offers the same stuff as privately held broadcasting stations. I do not have a television since more than 20 years anymore. And I do not even miss it.
After having succeeded in not paying those fees for years not surprisingly it appears that authorities are after getting that money from me. That triggers fear in me even though I know I am able to pay it. Once during the beginning of my civil disobedience protest I even donated some money to them to verify whether it would be just about holding back abundance and love from someone else for me. But I still was in conflict and interpreted that in a way that there is more to it than this. In the recent years I also sent much more money than the television fees to NGOs.
On releasing on it a much broader topic came up:
Wanting to be done with the world already. Wanting to stop having to deal with all the dysfunctional sickness in our so called modern societies. Wanting to stop to support more than a dozen NGOs with my money and feeling like having to deal with dozens over dozens of mails from them again and again. Wanting to stop feeling having to stand up for what appears to be such basic stuff like consequent action to prevent climate change after I did all I could to minimize my own impact on the climate. Wanting to let go of all the pressure behind the feeling of having to rescue the world, cause many powerful people currently do not seem to care.
I faced a hefty hate about our modern human societies, about all the abuse of those that seem unable to defend themselves by powerful companies and politicians. The abuse of apparently powerful people against apparently less powerful people brought up memories of abuse in my childhood. And all the hate of capitalism, religion and the sheer amount of destruction both brought to the fabric of life. I just wanted to kill all of that already.
I know "Letting go of want to change" and its a good release for that. I also know about the releases for the world. And I know about
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
But I feel unwilling to accept that I cannot change what seems important for me to change. I even feel unwilling to release on it.
Wait I am here for if not to change and fix up that mess?
Wait... can I hold on to it, just a bit longer?
Can I now let it go, even if just for a second? Yes.
Yes.
I know Lynne Twist's work and her approach to hospice the old dysfunctional structures as she claims the are dying already anyway. But I distrust them to go away all by themselves.
Such a burden. Wanting to change about everything. How things go in the company I work for. Wanting to change about almost all aspects of my personal live. And wanting to change about a lot of in my eyes dysfunctional stuff that goes on in our so called modern societies. And then feeling angry cause as I work on my personal goals this world dares to come in and demand attention as well. How can it even dare? How can the world dare to distract me from personal goals that I thought are so important for me?
Is there any group of releasing people who regularly release for the world and release the conflicts they feel with their relationship to it?
It more and more feels like the time for heroines and heroes. It feels to me that more and more civil disobedience is required to bring forth the changes that are required *quickly* in order to save this world we live in. However, from a releasing point of view, civil disobedience can be quite exhausting, at least for me, cause it triggers just about everything I piled up and held on to so far. However, just going back to the old "Yes-saying and obeying" principle does not work either.
Is there a different way?
Now releasing with tears and continuing to release about the original topic as best I can.
I really hope you will not judge me for just being honest about this topic.
I feel so done with the world currently and it feels to me as God made a big mistake with all of this mess.
## Initial post
Sorry, for again showing up with a challenge. I bet its good when I also write about gains and successes. There were many of them. I even found a releasing partner and I may bring up this topic on our next appointment.
I object the regulations regarding the public television fees in my country since quite a while. I see them as a way to take money from resource-poor people and to transfer that money to resource-rich people and to support a kind of public television that does not really fulfill its original purpose anymore and more and more offers the same stuff as privately held broadcasting stations. I do not have a television since more than 20 years anymore. And I do not even miss it.
After having succeeded in not paying those fees for years not surprisingly it appears that authorities are after getting that money from me. That triggers fear in me even though I know I am able to pay it. Once during the beginning of my civil disobedience protest I even donated some money to them to verify whether it would be just about holding back abundance and love from someone else for me. But I still was in conflict and interpreted that in a way that there is more to it than this. In the recent years I also sent much more money than the television fees to NGOs.
On releasing on it a much broader topic came up:
Wanting to be done with the world already. Wanting to stop having to deal with all the dysfunctional sickness in our so called modern societies. Wanting to stop to support more than a dozen NGOs with my money and feeling like having to deal with dozens over dozens of mails from them again and again. Wanting to stop feeling having to stand up for what appears to be such basic stuff like consequent action to prevent climate change after I did all I could to minimize my own impact on the climate. Wanting to let go of all the pressure behind the feeling of having to rescue the world, cause many powerful people currently do not seem to care.
I faced a hefty hate about our modern human societies, about all the abuse of those that seem unable to defend themselves by powerful companies and politicians. The abuse of apparently powerful people against apparently less powerful people brought up memories of abuse in my childhood. And all the hate of capitalism, religion and the sheer amount of destruction both brought to the fabric of life. I just wanted to kill all of that already.
I know "Letting go of want to change" and its a good release for that. I also know about the releases for the world. And I know about
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
But I feel unwilling to accept that I cannot change what seems important for me to change. I even feel unwilling to release on it.
Wait I am here for if not to change and fix up that mess?
Wait... can I hold on to it, just a bit longer?
Can I now let it go, even if just for a second? Yes.
Yes.
I know Lynne Twist's work and her approach to hospice the old dysfunctional structures as she claims the are dying already anyway. But I distrust them to go away all by themselves.
Such a burden. Wanting to change about everything. How things go in the company I work for. Wanting to change about almost all aspects of my personal live. And wanting to change about a lot of in my eyes dysfunctional stuff that goes on in our so called modern societies. And then feeling angry cause as I work on my personal goals this world dares to come in and demand attention as well. How can it even dare? How can the world dare to distract me from personal goals that I thought are so important for me?
Is there any group of releasing people who regularly release for the world and release the conflicts they feel with their relationship to it?
It more and more feels like the time for heroines and heroes. It feels to me that more and more civil disobedience is required to bring forth the changes that are required *quickly* in order to save this world we live in. However, from a releasing point of view, civil disobedience can be quite exhausting, at least for me, cause it triggers just about everything I piled up and held on to so far. However, just going back to the old "Yes-saying and obeying" principle does not work either.
Is there a different way?
Now releasing with tears and continuing to release about the original topic as best I can.
I really hope you will not judge me for just being honest about this topic.
I feel so done with the world currently and it feels to me as God made a big mistake with all of this mess.
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