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  • lack of purpose in life

    Hi Delilah and all,

    Thank you for all the help you have given me here.
    I really appreciate it. Special thanks to Delilah.

    I know I have been repeating similar questions, and I have tried to let go of wanting to figure things out, but this one persists and I need a little more help. Sorry, it is a long post.

    I have been releasing a few years now, and I must say I am doing much better, especially emotionally. The big difference is I don't get bothered by the situations that made me upset or even angry before. I feel more peaceful. There are still times when I get emotionally upset, but I recover very quickly. On the other hand, it seems like I lost a lot of motivation and enthusiasm in life. I had been a "goal-getter" and I got many things I had wanted once I put my mind to it. But after starting to learn spirituality and do releasing, I realized much of my goals had come from the three wants (W/A W/C W/S), and the more I release, the less I became motivated by common goals - such as money, romantic love, self-improvement etc. etc. I did not force myself to lose interest in them or anything, but I naturally lost interest.

    Another thing is, when I try to set "goals" again, I cannot put my mind to it because I know achieving them would not really brings me happiness. It is not just what I have learned from reading spiritual books (they teach you that you should not seek happiness outside of you, in objects), but from my own experience (I got many things I had wanted before). I tried to become interested in many things again - try to socialize, try to learn something new etc. but nothing really stuck. I released on that and I then naturally stopped even doing that.

    I don't "feel unhappy" per se. Although I have family related problems/concerns, I am having a relatively comfortable life. Days just go by without much joy but without misery either. I do engage in social activities occasionally, but I cannot really relate to people's "dramas" when I'm with other people so to speak. I actually feel "alone" (though not really "lonely") because of this. I spend a lot of my free time just to kill time alone, if not doing spiritual practices (meditation, releasing etc.). I wondered if it was a form of apathy, and my feeling "peaceful" was apathy in disguise. I don't think it is so and the strong indicator for me is I don't have the sense that "I am suffering" as I did before. So I think I am heading in the right direction. I'm not discouraged, depressed, "hopeless" or anything like that. I go traveling, play the piano and play baseball. I even go to the gym. When I do these things, I enjoy them.

    With that said, I cannot find "purpose" in life. Or a goal that excites me. Life is now OK and even "comfortable," but it's kind of "meh". Before, I thought getting this or becoming that would be important in life because it's cool and I would be "somebody" and they would make me happy. It brought me a lot of "dramas" and as a result I suffered a lot. But I got "kicks" too. I got out from that drama, and I don't know how to fill the void so to speak. Every day just goes by and it feels like it is just repeating itself, or I feel like I'm in a loop. Now I am spending more time in spiritual practice, thinking if I become "free" this would not even matter. At the same time I believe this expectation is something that is keeping me from becoming free (but can't really help it).

    I have done what I could think of doing, like welcoming wanting to be free, wanting to have purpose or goals in life or wanting to change this situation or "break the loop." However it has been months and I just cannot see any change happening and I don't know what to do. And of course, I realize very fact I'm asking this means I'm still wanting to change the situation, and I will welcome it more and release more, but other than that, I wonder what else I can do, or if there is anything I am missing.

    Thank you.

  • #2
    Aside from the release on wanting to change that you are already doing you could do the "What is my hearts deepest desire" exercise
    1)What is my heart’s deepest desire? Be honest. The less you censor your responses the better
    2)Which want is this coming from?
    3)Could you welcome it and let it go?
    4)Could you/I let go of wanting ______ (your desire) as best you can?

    Then start again from the beginning. It's ok if the same desire arises more than once.

    Additionally if you feel that you need to have a life purpose or goals then release on that need in the same format like before.

    Best Regards,


    • #3

      Everyone has the same ultimate goal - to be happy.

      And once you're happy you'll see the world differently. From the loving sense that is happiness you'll
      want to be of service to others and you'll find ways to help. The details of how to live your purpose
      will reveal itself when you're happy with no blocks to expressing your true nature.

      I suggest you release on the goal - I allow myself to be happy.

      Release on having the goal, release on not having the goal, clear up every single aspect of wanting
      approval, control and security.

      Let go of all resistance and fear. This is work. Keep going until there are no self imposed limitations.


      • #4
        Thank you both for your great replies and advice.

        Originally posted by Releasetastic View Post
        And once you're happy you'll see the world differently. From the loving sense that is happiness you'll
        want to be of service to others and you'll find ways to help. The details of how to live your purpose
        will reveal itself when you're happy with no blocks to expressing your true nature.
        Thanks for this Releastastic, I can actually elaborate on my question(s) with this quote.
        I know many spiritual teachers say this - once you are happy/free, the world looks very different and you will be loving.
        Even some business coaches say the importance of being of service to others.

        But it seems like I have difficulty being/becoming "loving."(Yes I will release on this)

        In the past I wanted to change the world. Wanted to change the people's attitudes. I disapproved the society, people, etc. and I wanted to I was right etc.I also wanted "love" and "approval" and I felt very lonely if my friends/girlfriend were not around me. These were my motivations.

        Both life experience and releasing helped me to let them go.
        Now I don't feel I want to control everything. I'm OK with things as they are.
        I became OK to be alone, and I no longer crave for love.

        However, if I am "loving" toward people and things, I am not.
        I could say I feel "neutral" - but it could be said a bit nihilistic, maybe.

        I actually don't feel I "want" love, but being able to "give" love or being loving seems like another story.
        In the past I asked somewhere (might not be on this forum) if I should try to change my feelings into ones of love as Lester did, but I was told letting go of wanting love is enough, because when you don't want love/approval anymore, you are already loving. Also because trying to "change" my feelings into love can be forceful and it's not good.This is where I stop because I really don't feel/think I want love/approval, but I don't feel loving. Maybe if I am not feeling loving, there is still some wanting love/approval left in me(?). Maybe so, but it's really difficult to spot it.

        Regarding "What is my heart’s deepest desire?," I honestly don't know it myself except I want to be free/happy, or I feel like "getting out from this world alive" (there is a book titled this and I kind of like it). I am not, by the way, suicidal or want to die. Also as I said, when I engage in an activity, I can enjoy it. I actually have some kind of goals - say, I go to the gym and do weight training, and I have some goals regarding it. I practice piano in order to get better at it. But when thinking of "life goals" or "life purpose" I just don't have any. And these things I enjoy are just the things I enjoy doing and it's not like "I was born to do this!". So what I really want now is for "the details of how to live your purpose to reveal itself when you're happy with no blocks to expressing your true nature" and I want to be happy for that. I just don't know how other than what I have been doing (releasing, meditation). As I said, I have already been (at least trying) letting go of wanting to have life purpose, wanting to be loving, etc., but I will try again and do what you guys have suggested.

        Thank you.


        • #5
          Hi terrym!

          When we have lost interest in life we are in apathy and that apathy is the next thing coming up to be released.

          We are happiness itself already! We needn't do anything be happy. If we are doing anything in the pursuit of happiness then we are not doing a thing for the thing itself but we are doing it for another purpose. I don't do the work I do in order to feel happy. I do the work I do because I am fascinated with it, I am curious about it. It intrigues me. I want to learn how to do it more effectively. I want to learn how to keep it alive for myself and for the folks that I work with. And the more I think I know the more I realize I don't know. Sometimes happiness is part of the work experience. Other times it's deeper or higher understanding or insight that is the pay off. Sometimes it's about feeling the freedom of seeing through the illusion and experiencing the freedom that we all are. It challenges and stimulates me and excites me. I do this work because I love this work. And because I love this work it isn't work at all. ...Ask yourself what you think happiness is, keep asking yourself what that is and every time you think you know, let that idea go.

          Never landing on anything and giving ourselves over to a particular thing, including the struggle within the particular thing to be focused is a way of never really finding out what we're truly made of in the material sense. It is through my struggles that I have learned and keep on learning what I am made of. Yes, releasing makes things easier, much easier, and releasing addresses all the emotional energy that needs to come up and be released, but showing up everyday, doing things when I feeling doing them and more importantly when i don't feel like doing them, releasing on the resistance that comes up and all the fear of failure and success that comes up and all the wanting approval and control, and wanting safety that comes up is extremely valuable because it allows me to enter into the infinite power that I have within me to keep living this life fully. Never landing on anything is way to protect ourselves from life itself. The only real assignment we have in this life is to live life to the fullest. It doesn't really matter what we do as long as we do it fully and to the best of our ability. Ask yourself if you are living life fully and if not, why not?

          The way we live is our choice. We can live a safe life, never challenging ourselves to go deeply and full throttle into anything and that's OK but is it really living? How much we live life is completely up to us. And there are always reasons not to live life fully. Because we weren't happy before. Because things didn't work out the way we thought they would before. Because the daily routine is so boring ( which is apathy and is coming up to be released). Because we want to be comfortable, we want to avoid being embarrassed, we don't want to feel pain when things are difficult, we don't feel we can conquer our limited thoughts about ourselves, we have perfectionist tendencies that make it impossible to make mistakes without entering into terrible self loathing, etc, etc, etc.

          If we are not interested in what life has to offer then we are in apathy.

          Again, being cool or getting things or even happiness are not reasons to do anything. You know that there are things that interest you but for some reason or reasons you are not going full throttle into those things. And if you're response to this last sentence it, "But I know that those things won't make me happy, cool etc" then you're still missing the point. Pick one of the few things you are interested in and ask yourself why you aren't diving in relentlessly to one of them so that you can go beyond what you think about happiness, coolness or the acquisition of things. If you are looking to the past for your answer then you aren't getting to the root of what's in your way right now.

          The question isn't "Could I let go of HAVING change?" The question we ask is "Could I let go of WANTING change?" Let go of wanting and allow yourself to have change. How? Besides releasing, action steps are the way into change. Only releasing without taking action steps keeps us going round and round in the traffic circle of our minds. The same script repeats itself over and over and over again. Do something different and you'll feel different. I also recommend that you release on any resistance to change and taking action steps.


          Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 05-25-2019, 07:21 PM.


          • #6
            Maybe you'll also like the release on uncertainty that Hale is presenting in the video in the lower part of the page


            • #7
              Thank you for taking time for this and your comments/advice means a lot to me.
              Some further comments.

              Now I know I am in apathy, and somehow knowing it is relieving or some "releasing" happened. That said, I am a bit confused because of the emotional chart of TSM. Actually, I had been in grief for a long time. A lot of words and phrases in the chart for grief applied to me, and after releasing, I can say I am now (at least almost) out of it. Also, after having been doing meditation for a few years, "the voice" in my head is much quieter than before. That has made me enjoy things more. And these things I enjoy, I could not even fully enjoy them 2-3 years ago. So I feel I am definitely "progressing." However I understand I am in apathy in the way what you described (no interest in life). Apathy being at the bottom of the energy chart even below grief, I am not sure if I am not really moving up or actually somehow moved down....

              Anyway, you wrote "If we are doing anything in the pursuit of happiness then we are not doing a thing for the thing itself but we are doing it for another purpose." "Again, being cool or getting things or even happiness are not reasons to do anything" and I asked this question exactly because I learned this the hard way. What you described is how I thought and did things before.A lot of people who are living their lives fully or many successful people seem to be "happy" first, and then it seems that because they are happy they do things to express their happiness (or "just because"). It seems like there is no blockage and because there is no blockage they become more successful, or at least enjoy what they do.

              Also, I (intellectually) know we are happiness itself already. My trouble is that I can't feel that way. And I want to feel that way. And I know having purpose or goals would not solve it. I cannot put my mind to having purpose or goals not because I want them to make me happy but they wouldn't, but because I want to solve my "not being happy" thing first. It feels like it's my priority, and that's why I asked about the six steps before. It feels like not solving this before doing anything else is like building a house without a foundation so to speak. (Note: I googled and apparently you can build a house without a foundation - lol - but you know what I mean!)

              I will however try to do action steps again and see what happens.
              (Actually I did action steps before, but not much because I could not put my mind to it but I will try again with your advice in mind)

              Thank you again.

              Thank you for the link.
              I have not watched the video at this point but I definitely will.
              Last edited by terrym; 05-27-2019, 07:14 AM.


              • #8
                Hi terrym!

                The list of emotions would seem to indicate that one's process is a straight line from one end to the other. However, no one's experience is a straight line. When we make progress it doesn't mean we don't feel feelings like the ones we've felt before. The chart is there to help us to understand the various expressions of feelings and the different frequencies of the energies that pertain to those feelings. It is a mistake to use the chart as an indicator for how we are doing. People who are in CAP are fully capable of feeling AGFLAP in any given moment. That doesn't mean they've gone backwards. It just means they are alive and they are experiencing the next wave that is coming up to be released.

                How does focusing on other people serve you? What do they have to do with your process? I recommend that you keep the focus on yourself and your process. One of the ways folks avoid living life fully is waiting to feel happy before they do anything. We ARE happiness. Let go of everything that is covering over the happiness that you are. Let go of wanting to be what you already are. We are happiness, joy, energy, flow, love, peace, awareness, beingness, infinite etc. You actually didn't describe what you think happiness is. If anyone who is successful tells you that they didn't encounter blockage they are lying to you. Everyone encounters blockages. The difference is those who are stopped by a block and those who address the block. There are both internal and external blockages. Releasing can help with both. The lack of blockages is not the definition of happiness. Happiness isn't garnered by lack of blockages. Either mastering the blockage, dissolving it, resolving it, evolving it, or all three, is what brings a sense of accomplishment in the material world.

                So if you can't access the happiness that you are, here is a process that might reveal something to you:

                I can't be happy because _________________(fill in the blank).

                What want does that stir up?

                Welcome that want.

                Could you let go of wanting that want?

                Could you let go of wanting to believe that again?



                • #9
                  Hi Delilah,
                  Thank you again for your reply.
                  First of all, thank you for clearing up about the emotional chart for me. To be honest, it seems like I was in denial of admitting I was in apathy because I wanted to believe that I am not "at the bottom." Because of this conversation, I was able to welcome my apathetic feelings. Thanks again.

                  As for "focusing on other people," I actually rarely think of other people and their success. I just wanted to write that people who (seem to) enjoy their lives seem to have the opposite attitudes of my old attitudes. It's just my observation and also something I believe what other teachers say in their books/videos. For example, Rupert Spira often say something like "happiness expresses itself" or "You start doing things to express your happiness and joy after you see your true nature" etc. Many other teachers say these kind of things too and it is what Releasetastic said in his/her post too if I did not interpret it wrongly. It does seem like that way about other seemingly happy people.

                  But, the thing is, as much as I understand intellectually what you or other teachers say "you are already happiness," I don't feel that way and I don't feel that way and I don't really get motivated by any purpose or goals I set (esp. after I release). It's not that I am trying to stubbornly not have goals or trying to dig my heels in and say "No, I'm not going to have purpose of goals in life until I feel happy." I know it might have sounded like that way in my last post(s) and it is actually difficult for me to put this into words. I will try again. it's more like backwards. I had tried to have goals, I had tried action steps, but after I release on them, my motivation actually seemed to disappear. Then, something inside me kept telling me "there is something else you should be doing/focusing now." - it kind of felt like an urge. I started to do more spiritual work after that because I tried the goal setting and action steps etc. and they did not really work. I felt, OK, if I feel this way/urge after I released on having goals, then it (just doing spiritual works) must be something I should be doing.

                  And in a way, it is working. I actually do more things with more ease now and feel more "flow" when I do things. For example, I visited NYC (my favorite city) recently with my friend and almost everything went great (got a great place to stay with a very reasonable price, somehow another friend I had met once before in NYC decided to help us guide the city and took me to the places only locals really know, etc.) and I fully enjoyed it. I am now "suffering-free." Considering the fact that I really felt heavy and had to drag myself out from the bed every morning even a year ago or so, it is a big difference. Recently I experience more things that can be described as "gains."

                  So, it seems like everyday life is nicer and more comfortable. Things go more smoothly. However, I still feel "something is missing" and everyday just goes by. It's like I can answer the question "how are you?" with "Not bad" or "can't complain." honestly. But if someone asks if I am feeling really happy and living the life to the fullest, I am not. I feel something is missing in life. That is "a sense of purpose." Hence my question.

                  I can't be happy because _________________(fill in the blank).

                  OK, so, it's like "because I don't feel I have purpose in life"
                  What want.... I think it is control first, because I want my life to be purposeful. Also approval, and I realize now it is approval from myself actually. You wrote "We can live a safe life, never challenging ourselves to go deeply and full throttle into anything and that's OK but is it really living?" and it IS actually the question I keep asking myself, not approving my current state (comfortable, but not purposeful).

                  As I wrote, I have released a lot before about wanting to have purpose or goals in life, but I will do this again from this angle.

                  Thank you.
                  Last edited by terrym; 05-27-2019, 05:53 PM.


                  • #10
                    Hi terrym!

                    You wrote, "OK, so, it's like "because I don't feel I have purpose in life" That's literally only one thought. And it is attached to the belief that if you were happy, which STILL has not been described by you, you would find your purpose. But, according to you, if you were happy you would know what your purpose is. And round and round and round again. We don't have to have a purpose to be happy. So what else is the source of your unhappiness? Only you know the answer to this question.



                    • #11
                      Hi Delilah,
                      Thank you again.

                      As for how I think what happiness is, I have asked that question many times, and I have (at least tried) released whatever came up.
                      To be honest, I don't really know the answer, or I can't find MY answer either.

                      I actually thought about posting something regarding this before (in the conversation section or somewhere in this forum - it's kind of half question and half statement).
                      What I wanted to write about is this. When I had goals in the past, I used a "law of attraction" technique without even knowing that. That was to visualize the desired state.
                      For example, when I was studying for the entrance exam for an university, I visualized myself enjoying the university life and I "pre-felt" the joy of it.
                      It often worked for me. But when it comes to "being happy," I cannot do this because I don't know what desired state is. So I cannot use this technique.
                      (I know intellectually "we are already happiness" so it is actually impossible to visualize the "happiness state.")

                      Anyway, after reading your last post, I realized something.
                      It's not that I think "I am not happy because I don't have purpose in life" although I wrote so. It's backwards again.
                      It is more like, many teachers say when you are happy your life purpose will be revealed to you. It has not to me, therefore, I must not be happy.
                      (It is not really "according to me" more like coming from what teachers say. And, they are teachers...and also I believe I would not care about what teachers say if I am just happy too.)

                      "We don't have to have a purpose to be happy. So what else is the source of your unhappiness?"

                      I will dig deep with this. Thank you.
                      What I can write about this now is that even though all in all I feel I am feeling much better than before, there is this void in me, that could be only described as a lack of sense of purpose or enthusiasm in life.