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Inviting her

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  • Inviting her

    It is also a gain that I first write about gains, then about the next challenge. A challenge I know so well.

    It is about asking a woman out I have been in love with for years with some periods of not thinking about her very much in between as I let go as I did not see her for a while. It is about inviting her into my life.

    She works (again) in a local organic food store. I have been full of courage years ago as I told her "You are beautiful" in the store – how often a women who works at a store is actually being told that? I did this after a long time just smiling and beaming with her while she apparently sought to be near me whenever I went shopping and she was around.

    Then up to now I never dared to do the next step. Well I gave a woman I have been together for a while, more on a very intimate friendship base, a letter to that woman I met in the store. That was at a time I did not see her in the store anymore. However as she did not know her either it was going from friend to friend. Up to now I have no idea whether the letter eventually arrived. And I did not dare to ask.

    She hasn't been working in the store for a longer time but just after the Live Paraliminal Retreat she reappeared again. As I met her again I thought "What is even going on here?" There has been a lot of such apparent coincidences like this.

    I did a lot to improve this. Paraliminals – including the new Fearlessness one –, letting go – yes I did action step releases as well, but it seems still more is needed –, talking with friends, even the Live Paraliminal Retreat was in part related to her, but the goal was worded in a more general way.

    There have been times I thought I would be over this. But then she reappeared again. And I have the feeling that I am not even asked whether I like to feel attracted that much to her again. It does not feel like I have any say in this. And it again even seemed that she seeks to be close to me when I am at the store. It appears that there is a force stronger than both of us pulling us close together, while we do as much as we can to resist it.

    So I like to release to the point where I ask her out and she says "yes", ask her out and she says "no" or do not ask her out while being okay with whatever the outcome is.

    Right now there is the feeling: When I ask her out I need to make it absolutely perfect. There is a fear of death when she says "No" – even tough I apparently managed to live without her so far. There is a fear of death when she says "Yes" – cause where could I then hide anymore and what if she would leave or die later? My mother died of cancer when I was still a child. There is a strong longing to commit myself to a relationship with her and a strong fear of commitment. In fact she can just have me as much as she likes to, including my soul and whatever else of me. There is a fear of failure and a fear of success. There is the feeling that she is the only woman on the whole planet.

    Of course I intended to ask her out, to invite her – a ton of times. But in the shop, when meeting her, something in me just froze into apparent inability to do that. Friends have been telling me to ask her out over and over again, but this advice did not help.

    I felt so crazy about her while a stream of love seems to flow through me towards her. I felt so obsessed about her while setting her free. Of course there also has been all the thoughts like "I am not good enough for her", "She is too beautiful for me" and whatever other excuses you could imagine. In fact a lot of my work with Paraliminals, Sedona and other methods of self development has been motivated by wanting to be good enough for her. So in a way the encounters with her brought up the best and worst in me. Of course I also thought whether she would like me and at times when I believed she would, I doubted it again and was thinking I might probably just make it all up and her being near me when I shopped was just pure coincidence.

    I feel so helpless with that. I have no idea what to do anymore, except probably to pay a very high amount of money to go to a expert in the land of women like Zan Perrion. Someone who took that journey from being miserable with women to being successful with them.

    I certainly will bring this up with my release partner and ask her for support for releasing on that. She also told me to just ask her out, so it may be a bit difficult for me to bring it up again, but I will. Do you have any other recommendations and suggestions?

    Please don't judge me for any of this. This is so close to my heart that I barely dare to even post this. This has an intensity that I barely can handle. If this all sounds like a love story in a bad movie… I just can't help it.

    Can I have some compassion with myself? Yes. Would I? Yes. When? Now.

    Does beingness allow these two body-minds being together? Yes. Does beingness even welcome these two body-minds being together? Yes. And does beingness accept it? Yes. Does beingness need these two body-minds being together? No. Does beingness love this body-mind whether he dares to ask her out or not? Yes.

    Maybe it would be good to show up on a monthly support call with that. But if you have anything supportive about that, please share. I do not even know whether I'd dare to open my mouth about that on a monthly support call.

  • #2
    It just came to me to continue the release I started with today. Just keep it very simple and release on the action step to ask her out. Until I either do it or I am okay with not doing it.

    Without attaching any additional goal to it… just this simple release. No matter what will come up then.


    • #3
      Hi ananda99!

      What a wonderful post! You are so open to love and that's a wonderful thing. One gift of this woman is that she is a catalyst for you to release so much. It is a precious gift. And your willingness to keep releasing and listen to paraliminals is utterly commendable. Keep releasing on this until you know what to do and until you feel comfortable in doing it.

      I would also say, try not to be afraid to bring this up to release on with your partner. If you do, you are showing your partner that it's OK to release on something as many times as needed.



      • #4
        Hello ananda,

        Nice post, thanks for being so open about it. Have you tried doing Adv/Disdv on asking her out and not asking her out?

        Best Regards,


        • #5
          Hello Ananda

          After reading your post, I thought it might share my experiences in relation to releasing on romantic relationships. But first, I would also like to say thank you for honesty, your openness to release and investigate how to get closer to this lady is amazingly brave.

          Like yourself, I have encountered a number of challenges, but perhaps for a different angle as I did fulfill my wish and for a brief time we were together. I will explain myself…

          In my meditations and before I learned about Sedona Method , I started visualising and feeling the kind of partner I wanted in my life, over time I met a wonderful guy that has many of the qualities that I was looking for. For a few months, I felt so happy and everything was working very well, like you I felt a strong and amazing connection with him. He was however very hurt from a previous relationship, so he ended up walking away abruptly from my life. This caused me a lot of confusion and brought up a lot of feelings that I didn’t know existed in me. Since then (nearly a year and half ago) my feelings for the situation and for him have been my main source for releasing (of course he doesn’t know this..)

          He wanted to remain friends so on and off we have brief conversations, but overall he changed and became polite but distant from me. Overtime and during releases I realised that when he walked away and because we remained in touch I was always expecting him to come back to me life, so I was constantly trying to control conversations with him and getting frustrated when it wasn’t as fluid, fun and joyful, as once was. This was emotionally exhausting.

          I have released on a number of angles, I have done the cleaning process a number of times, anytime a thought is not serving me I decide to release it and don’t question why is happening or judge myself.
          • Wanting to figure out why he walked away, feelings of anger, disappointment and frustration
          • Wanting to know what I did wrong and feeling I was not good enough for him
          • Guilt, seeing him as the best man I have met or will ever meet, and I had missed our window of opportunity.
          • Missing him in my life and comparing any man I meet with him.
          • Eventually, I released on walking away from him / staying in his life and that has actually help me to feel much more at ease, as well as providing a broader view of the issue.
          I was always very understanding of his broken heart and in many occasions I gave him advice that he said he found useful. But, even after this time, he is still going over in his head why his previous girlfriend walked away from his life (very similarly like myself!). Last time I saw him we had an a small argument as he said that he is only meeting girls that are shallow and he needs to raise his standards to avoid that. I tried to make him understand that he was being unfair and defensive, but it didn’t go well.

          For a few days after this meeting, I was very upset and I was releasing as much as I could, one day after releasing I felt a sense of calm came over me and I clearly heard in my head that he was my assignment and he was making space in my life for healing to take place. Since then I feel, things are shifting and while I still have to release on my feelings for him at times. I have come to the conclusion that I am closer to be ok with were we are (whether he is in my life or not,or if we are friends or partners or strangers). Also that I want to (still working on this) accept him as he is with me.
          Perhaps in my case what I have learned is that a lot of my emotions bring me back to my childhood, when I was shy and I often felt uncomfortable in social settings, and this pattern maybe is also repeating in my adulthood. I have come to see that my insecurities don’t come from him or what he does but from my childhood. During releases I have often seen myself as a 10 year old. This new overview has helped me release the guilt game I had in my head, either blaming him or feeling guilty for not feeling good enough. I have also learnt that I can only help him if he lets me but I cannot be frustrated with him as he is also on a similar healing journey.
          Another important lesson for me, is to think that no release is ever a waste of time, so even if we might never be together again, releasing on our story has helped me to start healing on issues that I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. Therefore, my next relationship with him or somebody else would be better, more open and hopefully with a forever happy ending. Maybe I needed to do this assignment in order for us to be closer and support each other growth. Or maybe we both ready to move on and find a new relationship. Right now I am not resisting any of these options and it feels good to know it.

          I hope my long post serves others that like me are trying to work out challenges in a relationship. When I see the number of issues that can come up when I release on relationships, it makes me think that if we all were to close the hurt loop and heal our past or current wounds on relationships we would live and love in a much happier world.

          There is a story that Hale explains in the Sedona book ; Robert lost everything after his divorce , he was angry but then decided not to make a big deal of it and release on people who hurt him ,amazingly he managed not only to recover and improve his financial status but he was rewarded with a new happier life. I love hearing that we can all start again.

          I hope releasing gives you the courage to talk to this lady and even if you don’t ask her out straight away , you can find the strength to talk to her feeling confident and discover how wonderful is to live trusting that the universe supports you.

          Peace and love


          • #6
            Hi Coco13!

            Thank you so much for your wonderfully honest and supportive share!