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  • I don't like that there are only me.

    Hello...
    I don't know why I'm acting always like an actress.
    Even when I was the most deeply frustrated, it's acting,however,
    I don't remember who I really am and was.
    I felt everything is fake.
    When I feel anything, do it or think it, I feel it's fake.
    I am acting probably based on all knowing and all power.
    Then, I hate I am forever only one exsisting.
    Who I was before all this life happenings.
    Even about who I was, is it really true?
    I am not other than the existence.
    I am sure about that I exist but not about everything but this.
    If you answer me, you are the words, monitor screen and there is only one between you and I that I hate and I'm too scrared of.

    I found everything is my thinking.
    Everything consists of my thinking,images, it's movement,sound and all the other senses.
    People make sounds and movements and facial expressions but what I can only be is only me forever.
    Other than my existence, everything is just my thinking.
    "she is blah blah, he is blah blah, now he thinks blah and now world is blah it's only my thinking!"
    Then, it means I exist forever with this sounds, images and everything.
    I'm clouds,tsunami,rain,bullets,guns,murder,kids,flowe rs,schools,scores,Hale, and just everything that could exist anywhere.
    It makes me lonely and sad because I now think I have been doing this alone forever... I don't like that.
    I have a role. I'm this girl and what makes me terrified and sad is that I'm the only one.
    I don't understand differences between alone and one now.


    What I want is that there are people who are not me, there are their mind and their world so I'm not alone.
    I don't like I'm alone. It's terrified.
    Saying I'm everything including disasters which could happen to humankinds sounds magnificient, however, I'm not happy with it.
    I feel dissapointed and discouraged. If you answer this post, it means I answer me.
    Could anybody help me and say you are you, not me?



    When I tried to let go of everything,even all the basic belief of world, sedona method, languages..., it was terribly overwhelming.
    The terrible feelings came up to me suddenly, making me want as if I didn't exist.
    I wanted to let go of everything, believing I am going to free and forget of the past and creat new life but it was only terrible, giving me the biggest confusion and fear.
    Who I can be without these above? Without restrictions, belief, languages, knowledge and any memories which are made by me every seconds?

    If there is something I'm missing so I feel confusion, please help me.

  • #2
    Hi Suyoung!

    Releasing is an internal process. We release so that we feel peace and lighter and spacious and flowing and joyful and harmonious.

    Oneness refers to the fact that in ESSENCE we are all one. The same space that exists between the cells that make up your body is the same space that exists between the cells that make up my body. The same energy that flows through your body flows through my body.

    The physical world does require that we understand that we are separate bodies. There is a universal agreement about the physical world and that is because it helps to agree about this in order to function optimally in the physical plane. Releasing helps us to feel peace and lighter and spacious and flowing and joyful and harmonious internally AND also helps us to function optimally on the physical plane.

    Loneliness is a feeling that we can release. we can release and feel one with everything and everyone and there is much joy in that. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't explore finding people to have relationships with. Releasing can help with feeling more comfortable in our own skin and around others and being more successful in relationships.

    Hale talks about how there are three ways to deal with feelings. We can suppress them, express them and release them. Which way we deal with feelings often depends on the situation. When we are at work we can't always express everything we feel. We likely wouldn't tell our boss that we are bored or angry with her. Usually we suppress those feelings. In other words we pretend or "act like an actress". But we can also release feelings so that we aren't suppressing them. When we release the boredom lifts and the anger subsides. When we release our feelings we are able to communicate better with others without having to act or pretend anything, and without having to express our feelings in away that might not appropriate at work. If we do feel moved to express a feeling we are able to do that with ease and clearly in an effective way.

    Best,
    Delilah
    Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 05-04-2017, 05:56 PM.
    www.theaccordcenter.net

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    • #3
      Hi Delilah,
      I feel something similar to Suyoung though I'm not sure if it is the same feeling.
      What I feel or am scared of, is that if I am the "one," then I will be always (and have been always) the one. So I am alone. Some say this world is the play of God (Lila in Hindu). God pretending to be many many different things. I have heard/read some teachers say that "because God was lonely" answering the question why God is doing this "Lila" play. So even if I'm all powerful "God" am I not a lonely being?

      I have read many non-duality teachings/books and basically what I learned is we are all one (though it doesn't look that way in this world). It's like water. It does not matter if it is pond water or rain water or even water in the toilet. It's water. We are beingness just like that, no matter what you look like in this world. They say if you realize that (not just understand intellectually) you are "enlightened" so to speak and you see the world in the different way.

      But, if I am the "one" or God, then wouldn't I be lonely?
      I know I could release loneliness, but what I feel is kind of an opposite - I don't really feel lonely now because there are other people (or animals etc.) and somehow I feel safe in numbers. But I know it is a "dream world." So if that's the case and I am the "one", am I not a lonely being? This is a scary thought. Judging from what all the "enlightened" people have been saying (including Lester), I intellectually understand that being "oneness" is not lonely as I would imagine as a human being in this "dream" world (you would actually/probably feel loving and joyful when you are "enlightened"). Nevertheless I still feel a bit scared of "realizing" that I am the one.

      I'm not sure if it is the same as what Suyoung is feeling, but at least it is to me.
      Last edited by terrym; 05-05-2017, 10:46 AM.

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      • #4
        I think that is what my question meant. I think you expressed it more clearly. Thank you.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hello, Delilah? Thanks for support and attention! I asked the question here because there is nowhere to ask that. I think my mistake was to take sedona method as god or life solution. I think what you mean here is sedona method is technique not God. Sedona method exists for people to live with more ease.
          Well, What I mean by 'acting like an actress' is I'm not really serious when I'm seious, not really depressed when I'm depressed, not really worried when I'm worried, not confused when~.. not upset when~.. and etc. It's like you take a role in the stage and you play it and when you are upset like Hamlet or serious Hamlet who think of suicide, you aren't really upset or serious. You know you are not Hamlet. That's how I feel acting this me. I do feel negative feelings too much, yes I need doctors help but deep inside me, I know I'm doing this for purpose.
          When I say something is problem to people, it's not.
          I worry for fun, I feel mad for fun, I feel sad for fun and this realization reminded me of what Hale said: "You say you're confused but are you? Or are you aware of it?" Something like this. So I thought sedona method people could give me the answer of it.
          However, I think answer is in the person who asked the question!
          It's like a teacher make a midterm exam or final exams for students. He asks students questions on the paper and students write the answers but it doesn't make always correct answers. It's their answer. What we regard as the correct answer is the one from the person who made the question. I made my question so the correct answer will come from me. People will answer me but it's their answer.
          It isn't correct until I make it so.
          I asked those because I'm in a challenge this time; I'm killing the old me. I just want to know who I really am. My question is if I'm acting all the time, who is real me before this role. Who is the actress. I think it must be the one who all know all the lessons this life is supposed to give. That's why I feel everything like a replay.
          When I think marvelous things like this which people will say crazy because it's too marvelous to be truth, it's is the only time I don't feel like acting. However, It's not proved so to prove this, I ask people.

          Thank you.
          Suyoung.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you for taking the time to clarify Suyoung!

            Awesome insight!!!

            <3
            Delilah
            Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 05-05-2017, 01:13 PM.
            www.theaccordcenter.net

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi terrym!

              I thought I knew what Suyoung was posting and I didn't. I needed her to clarify what she was saying and she did and it was wonderful to read her follow up response. So, if I am not understanding you terrym I hope you will take the time to clear things for me too. <3

              Loneliness is a feeling of separation. When we are resting as the oneness that we are we discover that there is no separation. We feel very much one with everyone and everything. We feel like I am you and you are me and we are the sky and the laughter and the exhaust from the car and the orange and the computer and the toothpaste and the hum of the lawn mower and the gleam in an eye and the pesticide and the nail getting hammered and the bee pollinating the flowers and the...The assumption that oneness is feeling loving and joy is just an idea. Oneness is not just loving and joyful but it is hating and bleak...it is EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Oneness is feeling hate and bleak and not feeling or thinking it is a problem, BECAUSE any thought or feeling is just a moment, a present moment but a moment just the same. Oneness is not feeling/getting/being pushed or pulled by whatever appears in awareness. Someone asked if awareness is the same as beingness and presence and it is. It is also the same as isness and is-notness ... Lester used the word imperturbable. It'a great word because it speaks to being unflappable. Thoughts, feelings, everything and everyone comes and goes but we are that which contains everything and everyone so where does every thing come from or go to?

              Loneliness is essentially separation from the SELF. The SELF that contains everything and everyone. Can we ever be separate from the SELF? We ARE the SELF. Can we ever be separate from that which we are? We can be distracted from it but we can never be separate from it.

              One way to explore loneliness is to ask what want does it arise from?
              Welcome wanting that want...
              And check and see if you can let go of wanting that want.
              Remember that no is as good as yes!
              If you get a no, honor that answer and keep welcoming the want...
              If you keep welcoming it will turn into flow...
              Flow is dynamic oneness.

              Warmly,
              Delilah
              Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 05-05-2017, 01:20 PM.
              www.theaccordcenter.net

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Delilah,
                Thank you for taking time for answering my post (as always!).
                I much appreciate that!

                Thank you for clarifying what oneness would feel like. I actually didn't mean to say oneness was just loving and joyful and apparently oneness is more than that and oneness is "everything"...I wrote "loving and joyful" as opposed to "lonely" (Technically "everything" would include loneliness, but you know what I mean...).

                I don't really feel lonely now because as I wrote in my last post this apparent world contains a lot of people and ideas and things etc. and I have friends and so on and I feel "safe" in numbers. But what non-dual teaching teaches, at least from what I understand, is that we are not really truly connected and "oneness" is the real connection.

                However, since I haven't been able to experience what oneness feels like, I (or my ego) thinks it is "being one" = "being alone."
                Do you know what I mean here? So usually I don't feel lonely, but ironically, when I think of enlightenment (where I want to go) or even freedom, I somehow feel lonely. (I read "I am everything!" by someone enlightened, and my ego goes "but there is only you? must be lonely!")

                Hope I was able to clarify what I wrote.
                Would you recommend to bring up this feeling by thinking of "enlightenment" and let go?

                Thank you!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi terrym!

                  I might not have what you've written here right yet but maybe I do...

                  A lot of folks think/feel that enlightenment means being lonely. A lot of folks think enlightenment means a lot of things. First you are already enlightened. We all are. We just aren't that interested in the light as much as we are interested in the stuff. What Lester says is prove it or disprove it yourself. Take it for checking. It's hard to fathom that which is beyond mind using the mind. Have you ever in your life felt that everything was perfect? Even if it wasn't? Just for even on moment? I think we've all had that experience. But again we aren't as interested in that perfection as we are in problems.

                  It might be fun to explore a goal statement like " I now allow myself to experience oneness" and see what comes up when you release on this.

                  Also, check and see if any of this feels personal, that it's about you or who or what your are? Or what you are not? Or what you are or aren't able to experience? If yes, see if you can find where that feeling it's personal is in the body. And then check, would it be OK if that feeling just dissolved. Welcome whatever answer you get. When would it be OK?

                  Feel free to clarify if I have missed the mark again,
                  Delilah

                  - - - Updated - - -

                  Hi terrym!

                  I might not have what you've written here right yet but maybe I do...

                  A lot of folks think/feel that enlightenment means being lonely. A lot of folks think enlightenment means a lot of things. First you are already enlightened. We all are. We just aren't that interested in the light as much as we are interested in the stuff. What Lester says is prove it or disprove it yourself. Take it for checking. It's hard to fathom that which is beyond mind using the mind. Have you ever in your life felt that everything was perfect? Even if it wasn't? Just for even on moment? I think we've all had that experience. But again we aren't as interested in that perfection as we are in problems.

                  It might be fun to explore a goal statement like " I now allow myself to experience oneness" and see what comes up when you release on this.

                  Also, check and see if any of this feels personal, that it's about you or who or what your are? Or what you are not? Or what you are or aren't able to experience? If yes, see if you can find where that feeling it's personal is in the body. And then check, would it be OK if that feeling just dissolved. Welcome whatever answer you get. When would it be OK?

                  Feel free to clarify if I have missed the mark again,
                  Delilah
                  www.theaccordcenter.net

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Delilah,
                    Thank you again for your reply.

                    I think we both know what each other is saying actually but maybe I couldn't convey my exact point...
                    So let me clarify it (and thank you for reading it again).

                    Yes I know how great "being (with) oneness" can be.
                    But I never felt it before.
                    I intellectually understand I am "enlightened" at this moment too.
                    But I have not "realized it" yet.
                    Also I know anything that comes to mind that is associated with "oneness" is speculation.
                    I know my thinking of "oneness must be lonely" is a speculation too.

                    Now "realizing oneness/freedom/enlightenment" is my goal.
                    (Otherwise how would I on the spiritual path in the first place!)
                    However when that's final goal is associated with being lonely, it is scary.
                    (Even though I know intellectually it must not be).

                    I know that the mind (=the ego) can't fathom what oneness is, what Freedom feels like etc.
                    But my mind is scared of it because it is "unknown," and this "unknown" seems lonely and scary.

                    Yes I always try to feel or experience oneness because it is my goal (to stay there in the end) despite of my thought oneness can be lonely. But I haven't been able to and when I think of oneness, fear of being lonely comes up.

                    I may be wrong, but probably what you meant by your last post is "experience it by yourself how oneness feels like to you" and my answer to that is "Yes...I tried, but haven't been able to...and maybe it is because I'm afraid of it because it sounds lonely."

                    So I asked, is it a good idea to bring up this fear of loneliness by thinking of oneness and try to let go?
                    (It seems I only feel lonely when I think of "oneness")

                    Hope I was able to get my point across!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hi terrym!

                      I think perhaps part of the misunderstanding is that you think I am saying that beingness or oneness is a great feeling.

                      I never said it was great. The reason I never said it was great is because there are no words to express what it's like to let go of everything we think we know and everything we don't know. The idea that beingness feels like anything in particular is a distraction from what is right here right now. A lot of people assume that beingness is something they will eventually experience if the just do __________ or think_________ or feel______________ or have______________ or be____________ That is what gets in the way. If you are wanting to feel great, could you let that go? If you are wanting to feel differently than you do right now could you let that go? Perfection/oneness/beingness/isness can be and is often experienced even when we don't feel great. Allowing the not great feelings to be here, letting go of wanting to get rid of them, opening to them and welcoming them fully will help us to experience the oneness/beingness/isness. The truth of what we are can be experienced even when we don't feel great, even when we fill like crap, when we open to the feelings and allow them to be here fully and let go of the belief than any feeling is about who or what we are.

                      Eckhart Tolle talks about how he first experienced isness while he was sitting on a park bench feeling very depressed. A lot of folks talk about this. That's because we discover that when we let go of what we think beingness is AND isn't, we stop distracting ourselves from what is right here right now.

                      So perhaps just start with awareness. Are you aware? Are you afraid of awareness? Or are you afraid of what is appearing in awareness? Allow yourself to notice what is appearing in awareness in any given moment. So there are things that appear in awareness and there is that which is aware. You/me/we are that which is aware. Every now and again see if you notice that awareness is just slightly separate and part from whatever it is that you are aware of. Notice how no matter what is appearing in awareness, awareness never changes. Feelings, thoughts, sensations, memories, come and go but awareness is always here. When thoughts or feelings come or go do you come or go? Or are you always here even when thoughts and feelings come and go? We may not pay much attention to what is always here but nevertheless it is always here. Awareness notices that thoughts and feelings and sensations etc are always changing, but awareness itself never ever changes. Awareness notices preferences, but has no preferences itself. It is just always aware. Your mind changes, your body changes but that which is aware of those changes does not change itself. Play around with this and see what happens...

                      Best,
                      Delilah
                      Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 05-06-2017, 01:07 PM.
                      www.theaccordcenter.net

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi Delilah,
                        I happen to be in front of my PC and I just got your reply

                        Again, I think I totally intellectually understand what you have been saying.
                        Also I didn't really think you(*) meant to say oneness was a great thing. Actually my fear comes from the possibility oneness may not be a "great" thing as it's cracked up to be.

                        I have had many "letting go" sessions and I do meditation as well, and I think I know what you mean by "awareness." I try to be aware all the time, trying to be in the now as much as possible. But I never had any "realization" or "enlightenment" experience some people talk about. I know "expecting something" can get in the way, but sometimes I don't expect anything and there is a moment I'm not thinking anything and kind of "being in the moment." However this moment doesn't really give me anything...kind of like "so what?"

                        So my fear is if this is all there is to it, then so what? This thing I feel may or may not be what some people talk about, and if it is, it feels lonely. Kind of boredom, nothingness. Also, as I mentioned, when I think of oneness, it gives me a sense of loneliness as well.

                        But I hear many "enlightened" people talk about joy or love or happiness, I assume there is more to it than that and I probably haven't experienced what they are talking about. (*)Lester talks about how great his experience was in the NY apartment and he kept going "higher." So I have assumed it must be a "great" feeling. But I try not to "assume" or "expect."

                        So probably as you mentioned what I could do is welcoming what I feel right now, which I actually do when I try to be "aware" and feel lonely or boredom etc., but it doesn't seem to help so far...
                        Last edited by terrym; 05-06-2017, 02:16 PM.

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