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Releasing trauma.

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  • Suyoung
    replied
    Thank you.

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  • DelilahCertifiedSMCoach
    replied
    Yes Suyong, you can do that. That's a fine way to release.

    Best,
    Delilah

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  • Suyoung
    replied
    I let go of desperation and frustration and grief today, going to school by subway.
    Can I just start with wanting straightforwardly? Without the process of finding feeling and then finding the feeling came from wants.
    I mean, can I start right from can I welcome wanting security and could I let it go and would I let it go and when would~?

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  • DelilahCertifiedSMCoach
    replied
    Hi Suyoung!

    1.) Yes, welcoming and allowing and even noticing are all the same thing.

    2.) When we are feeling a "bad" feeling it makes sense that we want to get rid of the "bad" feeling. In releasing, the processes sometimes don't make sense to the logical mind. In releasing when we want to get rid of a feeling or a thought we are resisting it. Resistance creates persistence. So, what we do is first welcome the resisting, welcome wanting to get rid of the feeling. allow yourself to really feel the feeling of wanting to get rid of it. Remember that welcoming is the second most fundamental way to let go. So when we welcome we are actually already releasing. Then check and ask, "Could I let go of wanting to get rid of the feeling?" Welcome whatever answer you get. And if you get a no then just keep welcoming. You can ask if you can let it go every now and then and if you can't then go back to welcoming. Everything can release from welcoming. But check and see what your reaction is to the letting go question.

    3.) No you don't need to know where the wanting security is coming from or what it's about. The wants are universal. Everyone wants them. Welcoming the wants is also very helpful. Notice what wanting security feels like and just let it happen. Keep allowing the want to be here and then as above, check and see if you could let it go. If not then just keep welcoming.

    Please release not only several times a day but for hours at a time sometimes. There is not down side to releasing. We can't release too much. Welcoming wanting any of the wants and checking to see if we can let them go and if we can't welcoming again is OK to do as many times or for as long as we want.

    4.) Self loathing can be tied to feeling disapproval for ourselves. It's not that that self loathing can't be tied to the other wants too but it can be very helpful to allow any disapproval for ourselves to come up so that it can move on through the bodymind and release. The more we let go of disapproval for ourselves the better we feel about a lot of other things. So as mentioned above, welcome disapproval for yourself and check and see if you can let go of that and if not then go back to welcoming it. Remember, welcoming is releasing.

    You wrote: "My guess is I use self loathing and depression to be secure in this world because i believe this grief will save me."

    Could you welcome that belief?

    Could you be open to the possibility that the self loathing and depression and grief are just feelings and have nothing tod with saving anyone?

    Would it be OK if you let go of that belief?

    When would it be OK for you to let go of that belief?

    Could you let go of wanting to get security from believing that again?

    Welcome whatever answer you get.

    Repeat this process until you feel freer and more peaceful.

    Warmly,
    Delilah

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  • cyi
    replied
    hi, suyoung
    I mean now.
    whether you are spinning, or you feel extremely calm and serenity, it means, now.
    not the memory. but the mind, well,
    here is a semantic thing: memory actually only happens now. however we speak like it happens in the past.
    it only lies in now.

    also, when there is no memory, see that' what's that?

    and another question is on releasing the wanting to be wrong actually.( I made a mistake using capital letters, it's on "has" and "has not" rather than on "mind". and I've updated it.)
    whenever you found yourself in a feeling of denying yourself, you could let the wanting to be wrong go.
    and I want to say personally to you it'g good talking to you because I see how girls are quite sensitive than guys..haha... you also helped me to identify destruction feelings to anger and self-hatred, I normally mix them allotter o3
    wanting to be wrong means....
    well.. ... it doesn't even mean wrong, it's just a want, and any want covers your beingness, like without memory, you are that, you are awareness, you are presence, you are every-- thing, the beingness that white paper.
    also, I highly recommend you let go of wanting to figure out,
    it's actually of a obstacle to knowing, to have the knowledge.

    try it and see how this unravels to you,

    oh and fianllly, you sound dumb to me? no, not at all. and a good way to release is by welcoming! see you did it by writing these thoughts down. you feel good aint you,

    And.... I still wanna to make some of my points clearer.

    They don't allow to copy links here, but I found a blog entry of a coach about what's the different between ranting/venting and letting go helped me in understand the difference... so here is my version:::

    Venting is like doing it, open the lid but still kept the fire on burning.
    Letting go is like you could always have the lid open, that's faster, or not if that's not convinient; but you turn off the fire and fuel behind it.

    And yes I think you are a good releaser, according to what I had about the similiar experienced before, simply make it "constant"


    all the best,
    yi

    - - - Updated - - -

    hi,
    mean now.
    whether you are spinning, or you feel extremely calm and serenity, it means, now.
    not the memory.wellm,
    here is a semantic thing: memory actually only happens now. whoever however we spearlike it happens in the past.
    when there is no memory, see that' what's that>

    and another question is on releasing the wanting to be wrong actually.
    whenever you found yourself in a feeling of denying yourself, you could let the wanting to be wrong go.
    wanting to be wrong means....
    well.. ... it doesn't even mean wrong, it's just a want, and want covers your beingness, like without memory, you are that, you are awareness, you are presence, you are every-- beingness that white paper.
    also, I highly recommend you let go of wanting to figure out,
    it's actually of a obstacle to knowing, to have the knowledge.

    try it and see how this unravels to you,

    best,
    yi
    Last edited by cyi; 05-07-2017, 09:06 PM. Reason: Adding some points

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  • Suyoung
    replied
    Hello, cyi?
    Thank you I think you are right.
    It was really helpful to let go of wants to control of what Has or has not happend in my mind.
    I think you're meaning 'thoughts' by 'what has happened in my mind' or the opposite.
    Are you meaning my memory? What really happened or didn't happen in reality? Actually I don't really care about my past.
    I'm not digging up my past to see what happened. It's digging up what I'm doing.

    However, I don't understand the last question.
    I feel guilty a lot for my parents and I hate myself.

    However, what I said above made me feel better. I didn't really feel it was self destruction so I felt confused when you said it.
    I thought that was self reflection.
    I think attributing everything to oneself helps her to live happy because if she thinks it's others fault, she can't change the fault.
    After you said it seems like self destruction, I started to feel "I'm dumb to people? "
    I felt I do good for people but dumb by reading it seems self destruction to you.
    However, that i hate myself is true.
    It's not that I think I should punish myself or something like that.
    It's just self reflection and new start.
    I don't feel bad writing the post above, I feel healed.
    I think it's not my self destruction but truth.
    I feel released. Writing is my way to release...

    Thanks
    Suyoung

    Leave a comment:


  • Suyoung
    replied
    Hello, Delilah?
    I understand. I think I confused you because I'm affected by Neale Donald Walsh, Byron Katie and Michael Newton and I mix it with sedona method and assume people all think including their philosophy.
    To get help from sedona method,
    First question is if welcoming feelings or wants is the same with allowing it to be here?
    Second is I usually feel depressed and I hate that. How can I release it?
    Third, can I release on wanting security without asking where my feelings come from? Or should I ask about it repeatedly everytime I release?
    Can I release wanting security several times a day w/o asking about feeling which come from it and would it be helpful?
    When I ask what want my self loathing, my depression and grief come from, it's wanting security.
    My guess is I use self loathing and depression to be secure in this world because i believe this grief will save me.

    Thanks
    Suyoung
    Last edited by Suyoung; 05-07-2017, 12:39 AM.

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  • cyi
    replied
    hi suyoung,

    yousaid:

    Originally posted by Suyoung View Post
    trauma is made by me who think bad things and feel the worst when I see him or my mom or people. I see them and think gloomy things. Suyoung
    besides all these, and I've read all this posts and thinking I am being clear of what's happening.
    I want to offer you a suggestion here.
    you seemed to feel strong self-destruction, anger towards yourself and guilt,

    so...could you see them as one energy?

    if so, or not,
    could you feel does it come from you want to control what HAS HAPPENED in your mind?

    if you don't see an option here or the mind goes really chaotic, it's totally okay. you might just have to add what this question reckons out of you into your total thinking,

    again, do it the opposite

    could you feel all theses feelings pictures thoughts memories... comes from you want to control of what HAS NOT HAPPENED in your mind?

    a hint: it's like when one is guilty, he focuses on the fault, but he subconsciously maybe thinking of the right thing to do! just he is never aware of it! this is also what my personal experiece feels like.


    try to do this process for a few, and see how it does for you.
    you're welcome to let me know how you do and feel!

    and one more thing,
    this is my personal experience and nothing about letting go/release:
    is it that you are just extremely sensitive just so that you feel other people's feelings, like they are not aware in the example I gave above?
    you might want to do some adjust on this, if that's so.
    I personally find of living alone and not with my parents extremely helpful on this, and perhaps living with other people you enjoy and love

    all the best,
    yi
    Last edited by cyi; 05-07-2017, 07:59 AM.

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  • DelilahCertifiedSMCoach
    replied
    Hi Suyoung!

    You mention that you have lots of negative feelings. Releasing can help with that. Perhaps what's confusing for me is that you are combining the Byron Katie material with releasing. We don't address anyone else's teaching or process here. That's not to say that Byron Katie's work isn't of value. It's just that we are only focused on TSM here. Also, I understand that you are not certain about what did happen or what you think might have happened. We are not judging anyone in your family. We are not judging you. We don't do that here. We just want you to be safe. We can only help you with the releasing processes. We are not able to address psychological or physical problems. We don't claim to do that. You have written about how releasing works for you and have had some questions about releasing. These are things that we can help you with. You have done nothing wrong! Please son't feel as though you have because you haven't. It's just that we are limited to being able to focus on releasing and releasing only.

    Warmly,
    Delilah

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  • Suyoung
    replied
    I know I'm in mental problems. However, I can't afford it just now. I don't work and I'm a student. It's also hard to talk about these things with my parents. They are also in bad financial state and they support me financially because I'm undergraduate. It's already too much for them. However, if I meet the time when I can afford it, I plan to get a professional help from a psychiatrist.

    I want to say my parents didn't do violence to me. I don't remember if he said bad words to me or hit me a lot.
    My trauma is made by me who think bad things and feel the worst when I see him or my mom or people. I see them and think gloomy things.
    Actually, they were very paitient for this complicated and sensitive kid. I think they gave up disciplining me because I couldn't stand any of it and I looked too stressed to them. It's like a kid cry on purpose because she knows her father does what she what for her if she crys. It's rather my father who wants to be free of me. He knows I'm wrong and he know I was a bad kid because he observed a lot of abnormal words or attitudes from me since I was a kid. He can't control me. I grew up bad because they let me do whatever I want. He knew I was really wrong. However, he wants to protect me because I'm his daughter. I wanted to say this because I made him like a criminal here. I want to say it's my fault even though I really felt like that at that time.

    It's just that I go deeper and deeper in negative feelings because they let me do. It's like a kid who gets more and more spoiled because her parents let her be. Doing whatever and however she likes is bad for her because she doesn't know what's right. Parents should teach her. I'm not saying this because I think it's their fault but just let you know I know how my parents had tough time raising me and I forgave them.

    The few factual incidents I wrote above are true but it wasn't regular violence. It was my assumption that I put between the several images I remember.

    The fascinating thing happens when I chane 'He' from the post above to 'I'.
    I was the hell that I wanted to escape from.
    I observe people tend to talk about themselves all the time in life.
    They talk pointing other people but everything just seems related to them.
    I think like this because Byron Katie affected me.
    Like she said, if I change 'he' or 'she' to 'I' in my sentence referring to other people, I see the truth of me.
    Good luck,
    Suyoung
    Last edited by Suyoung; 05-06-2017, 09:11 AM.

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  • DelilahCertifiedSMCoach
    replied
    Hi Suyoung!

    Is it possible for you to get some professional help with any of this? We want you to get all the help you need. Releasing is great but sometimes we need the right professional help with these sorts of the things. You haven't done anything wrong by sharing any of this with us. It took a lot of courage to share these things. And yes, releasing can help but perhaps you can combine releasing with talking to a professional person about what you are grappling with. Also, if you are in any physical danger then please see if you can get help with that too. Again, I know this was hard for you to share this kind of thing and I want you to know that it is a really good thing that you were able to share this. It takes a lot of courage to talk about these kinds of things. Please look into getting someprofessional help with this. You can still release even if you do that.

    Warmly,
    Delilah

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  • cyi
    replied
    hi, suyoung
    the first thing I want to say is thanks for the video. thanks for the info, I have been with the super-course for a long while and didn't know of this.

    and aside from what zannierose had been added, this pair of wantings is also what I am releasing recently.

    I want to share something that Hale commmented about this in the super-course.

    a guy comes up with pretty a confusion on what this is, he said he cannot feel it at all, he could go right smoothly at w/c, w/a and wanting security. but that wanting to be one he just kept thinking of and has no direct experience. and hale offers a clearer help. he said:" when you are in the crowd, you sometimes wanting to get out of there, getting into nature.. getting out of this room.. haha (laugh), this is the wanting to be one."

    and there is the opposite,(seperate), that means you feel you are different from others, and hence wanting to be different,stand out, special.

    and simply allow yourself to explore with this, welcome them to come up.
    it's a way to let go
    Last edited by cyi; 05-03-2017, 06:09 AM.

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  • zannierose
    replied
    I can understand- and encourage you to be gentle with yourself- and to continue to welcome all of these thoughts, feelings and emotions etc.

    I read a helpful holistic release in Hale's book- Happiness is Free.

    I am an individual separate from the all - I am the All.
    I find it very useful...and continue to play with it

    zannierose

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  • Suyoung
    replied
    I guess those confusion is related to big grief from parents divorce or whtever.
    I did some releasing and I feel a little relaxed like feeling after vomiting from nauseation.
    I think these are related to that I feel alone. I was also obsessed with my father too.
    It's like using my emotions to make them pay attention to me or stop them from leaving me...
    Thank you for the quickest reply and attention! I just didn't want to be alone. If anyone has advice for me, please do it for me.
    Love,
    Suyoung
    P.s I found that video on YouTube too and thanks for Hale all the time too.

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  • zannierose
    replied
    hi there- this seems quite a challenge at the moment.

    have you done a clean up- or several..on your father?

    This might be very freeing for you.

    I also noticed today on youtube that Hale did a clean up on your father, on fathers day..I have not listened to it yet as I am listening to the Living Love retreat...I do plan to go back to it later....

    good luck

    zannierose

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