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Releasing trauma.

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  • Releasing trauma.

    One more problem that I have now is about my trauma.
    I have a trauma related to my fathers violence.
    The pressured relationship between him and other family members including me has been long although he never admit. It also could be only my story I make, not logically.
    Now I'm 24 and I want to be free of him.
    My father and my mother divorced several years ago and of course they live seperatly.
    I started to live in her house as I become a undergrauate this time again, and again my brother had problems with him and
    my father wanted him to get out of his house.
    Now, we 3 live together in the small house of my mom.
    When I visit him again and I didn't really greet him but leave him with backpack my clothes packed in after a day slept,
    he seem to be dissapointed or worried if we all leave him again?
    I don't really know what made my dad so upset but he called me with very frustrated voice like he can cry that day I left.
    I think he is so obsessed with me. I just want to be free of him.
    I have been lying and acting to him because he can't stand my real mind.
    He says he dosen't know why I am so afraid of him when he doesn't hit me or treat me bad.
    That's right. It's only because of his own personality and my trauma.
    I don't want to act no more. I just want to be myself.
    Now I feel the dramatic fear.
    I'm terrified and frustrated about that nobody helps me and understand me.
    I'm very frustrated and upset about abused kids are always without defense.
    How they can defense themselves when he is born from mad and silly parents and live with them in their house? It's a prison.
    People don't know if their parents abuse their kids.
    What if their parents act so normal and hide it when they go out?
    Who can stop the abusing and save kids?
    I feel like he can't stand that I act as I want or that I hate him.
    I think he is just insane. He just often talks about violence he did to people around him whenever we eat dinner.
    Army, school or his younger brother. Even my aunt tried to suicide after he said " yes kill yourself" to her words"you want me to kill myself?"
    I heard he was abused a lot when he was a kid and in school and he was from one of the most poor family in south korea at that time.
    However, it's only his story he use to talk to us.
    Even the memories I have related to him, how can I say that I'm not making this? It can be just lies that I say to me!
    It can be only my imaginations.
    Memories of my childhood makes me suffer too much.
    My mom is weaker than him so she can't protect us.
    Even though my brother and I were playing good with each other,
    if it becomse the time he arrives home, we had to pretend to sleep because his expression of his pressured anger and violence can be toward us and mom and it happend so often.
    My first memory of my life starts with mom being beaten by dad in the room and my baby brother was crying after he got hit by a bottle by drunk father threw.
    I of cousre am not sure about it because it's only memory. If it's only memory, who can be sure.
    I don't want him to compensate anything but just let me be free but I still can't talk to him. He will anyway the conversation to that he is totally normal and right.
    I'm frustrated about my lost school days because I always spent it with depression.
    I think he lost his life totally. He may be too young. Why should I suffer all these?
    I feel I'm not strong enough to be free of him.
    To me, he seems the eternal hell that I can't be free of.
    He seems so evil and so strong that I can never overcome.
    I want him to die and that's what I only want from him. He lives in his own world that he is so right. It can be me who living in her own world where she is so poor.
    Why I feel like I'm acting now?

    Please just help me be free of him and free of trauma.
    My trauma makes me afraid of sounds people make when I'm in closed room.
    I'm depressed all the time. I just want me to be out of his control.
    I can't say all these happened for sure.
    We make our memory. I just hate him so much. I also feel he doesn't love me or anybody. He is just so afraid of everything and obsessed with me.

    What kind of releasing would help me this time? when I want to be free of him.
    When I tried to release on this, I also want to let go of sedoan method but maybe too much at the same time.
    I'm in dramatic confusion now.
    I don't want to believe sedona method or anything more at the same time.

    I'm also worried of if this post would be matter or make any troubles.

    Please help me.

    I'm afraid of him .... I also feel I'm making all these.

  • #2
    hi there- this seems quite a challenge at the moment.

    have you done a clean up- or several..on your father?

    This might be very freeing for you.

    I also noticed today on youtube that Hale did a clean up on your father, on fathers day..I have not listened to it yet as I am listening to the Living Love retreat...I do plan to go back to it later....

    good luck



    • #3
      I guess those confusion is related to big grief from parents divorce or whtever.
      I did some releasing and I feel a little relaxed like feeling after vomiting from nauseation.
      I think these are related to that I feel alone. I was also obsessed with my father too.
      It's like using my emotions to make them pay attention to me or stop them from leaving me...
      Thank you for the quickest reply and attention! I just didn't want to be alone. If anyone has advice for me, please do it for me.
      P.s I found that video on YouTube too and thanks for Hale all the time too.


      • #4
        I can understand- and encourage you to be gentle with yourself- and to continue to welcome all of these thoughts, feelings and emotions etc.

        I read a helpful holistic release in Hale's book- Happiness is Free.

        I am an individual separate from the all - I am the All.
        I find it very useful...and continue to play with it



        • #5
          hi, suyoung
          the first thing I want to say is thanks for the video. thanks for the info, I have been with the super-course for a long while and didn't know of this.

          and aside from what zannierose had been added, this pair of wantings is also what I am releasing recently.

          I want to share something that Hale commmented about this in the super-course.

          a guy comes up with pretty a confusion on what this is, he said he cannot feel it at all, he could go right smoothly at w/c, w/a and wanting security. but that wanting to be one he just kept thinking of and has no direct experience. and hale offers a clearer help. he said:" when you are in the crowd, you sometimes wanting to get out of there, getting into nature.. getting out of this room.. haha (laugh), this is the wanting to be one."

          and there is the opposite,(seperate), that means you feel you are different from others, and hence wanting to be different,stand out, special.

          and simply allow yourself to explore with this, welcome them to come up.
          it's a way to let go
          Last edited by cyi; 05-03-2017, 06:09 AM.
 Home of the Sedona Method


          • #6
            Hi Suyoung!

            Is it possible for you to get some professional help with any of this? We want you to get all the help you need. Releasing is great but sometimes we need the right professional help with these sorts of the things. You haven't done anything wrong by sharing any of this with us. It took a lot of courage to share these things. And yes, releasing can help but perhaps you can combine releasing with talking to a professional person about what you are grappling with. Also, if you are in any physical danger then please see if you can get help with that too. Again, I know this was hard for you to share this kind of thing and I want you to know that it is a really good thing that you were able to share this. It takes a lot of courage to talk about these kinds of things. Please look into getting someprofessional help with this. You can still release even if you do that.



            • #7
              I know I'm in mental problems. However, I can't afford it just now. I don't work and I'm a student. It's also hard to talk about these things with my parents. They are also in bad financial state and they support me financially because I'm undergraduate. It's already too much for them. However, if I meet the time when I can afford it, I plan to get a professional help from a psychiatrist.

              I want to say my parents didn't do violence to me. I don't remember if he said bad words to me or hit me a lot.
              My trauma is made by me who think bad things and feel the worst when I see him or my mom or people. I see them and think gloomy things.
              Actually, they were very paitient for this complicated and sensitive kid. I think they gave up disciplining me because I couldn't stand any of it and I looked too stressed to them. It's like a kid cry on purpose because she knows her father does what she what for her if she crys. It's rather my father who wants to be free of me. He knows I'm wrong and he know I was a bad kid because he observed a lot of abnormal words or attitudes from me since I was a kid. He can't control me. I grew up bad because they let me do whatever I want. He knew I was really wrong. However, he wants to protect me because I'm his daughter. I wanted to say this because I made him like a criminal here. I want to say it's my fault even though I really felt like that at that time.

              It's just that I go deeper and deeper in negative feelings because they let me do. It's like a kid who gets more and more spoiled because her parents let her be. Doing whatever and however she likes is bad for her because she doesn't know what's right. Parents should teach her. I'm not saying this because I think it's their fault but just let you know I know how my parents had tough time raising me and I forgave them.

              The few factual incidents I wrote above are true but it wasn't regular violence. It was my assumption that I put between the several images I remember.

              The fascinating thing happens when I chane 'He' from the post above to 'I'.
              I was the hell that I wanted to escape from.
              I observe people tend to talk about themselves all the time in life.
              They talk pointing other people but everything just seems related to them.
              I think like this because Byron Katie affected me.
              Like she said, if I change 'he' or 'she' to 'I' in my sentence referring to other people, I see the truth of me.
              Good luck,
              Last edited by Suyoung; 05-06-2017, 09:11 AM.


              • #8
                Hi Suyoung!

                You mention that you have lots of negative feelings. Releasing can help with that. Perhaps what's confusing for me is that you are combining the Byron Katie material with releasing. We don't address anyone else's teaching or process here. That's not to say that Byron Katie's work isn't of value. It's just that we are only focused on TSM here. Also, I understand that you are not certain about what did happen or what you think might have happened. We are not judging anyone in your family. We are not judging you. We don't do that here. We just want you to be safe. We can only help you with the releasing processes. We are not able to address psychological or physical problems. We don't claim to do that. You have written about how releasing works for you and have had some questions about releasing. These are things that we can help you with. You have done nothing wrong! Please son't feel as though you have because you haven't. It's just that we are limited to being able to focus on releasing and releasing only.



                • #9
                  hi suyoung,


                  Originally posted by Suyoung View Post
                  trauma is made by me who think bad things and feel the worst when I see him or my mom or people. I see them and think gloomy things. Suyoung
                  besides all these, and I've read all this posts and thinking I am being clear of what's happening.
                  I want to offer you a suggestion here.
                  you seemed to feel strong self-destruction, anger towards yourself and guilt,

                  so...could you see them as one energy?

                  if so, or not,
                  could you feel does it come from you want to control what HAS HAPPENED in your mind?

                  if you don't see an option here or the mind goes really chaotic, it's totally okay. you might just have to add what this question reckons out of you into your total thinking,

                  again, do it the opposite

                  could you feel all theses feelings pictures thoughts memories... comes from you want to control of what HAS NOT HAPPENED in your mind?

                  a hint: it's like when one is guilty, he focuses on the fault, but he subconsciously maybe thinking of the right thing to do! just he is never aware of it! this is also what my personal experiece feels like.

                  try to do this process for a few, and see how it does for you.
                  you're welcome to let me know how you do and feel!

                  and one more thing,
                  this is my personal experience and nothing about letting go/release:
                  is it that you are just extremely sensitive just so that you feel other people's feelings, like they are not aware in the example I gave above?
                  you might want to do some adjust on this, if that's so.
                  I personally find of living alone and not with my parents extremely helpful on this, and perhaps living with other people you enjoy and love

                  all the best,
                  Last edited by cyi; 05-07-2017, 07:59 AM.
         Home of the Sedona Method


                  • #10
                    Hello, Delilah?
                    I understand. I think I confused you because I'm affected by Neale Donald Walsh, Byron Katie and Michael Newton and I mix it with sedona method and assume people all think including their philosophy.
                    To get help from sedona method,
                    First question is if welcoming feelings or wants is the same with allowing it to be here?
                    Second is I usually feel depressed and I hate that. How can I release it?
                    Third, can I release on wanting security without asking where my feelings come from? Or should I ask about it repeatedly everytime I release?
                    Can I release wanting security several times a day w/o asking about feeling which come from it and would it be helpful?
                    When I ask what want my self loathing, my depression and grief come from, it's wanting security.
                    My guess is I use self loathing and depression to be secure in this world because i believe this grief will save me.

                    Last edited by Suyoung; 05-07-2017, 12:39 AM.


                    • #11
                      Hello, cyi?
                      Thank you I think you are right.
                      It was really helpful to let go of wants to control of what Has or has not happend in my mind.
                      I think you're meaning 'thoughts' by 'what has happened in my mind' or the opposite.
                      Are you meaning my memory? What really happened or didn't happen in reality? Actually I don't really care about my past.
                      I'm not digging up my past to see what happened. It's digging up what I'm doing.

                      However, I don't understand the last question.
                      I feel guilty a lot for my parents and I hate myself.

                      However, what I said above made me feel better. I didn't really feel it was self destruction so I felt confused when you said it.
                      I thought that was self reflection.
                      I think attributing everything to oneself helps her to live happy because if she thinks it's others fault, she can't change the fault.
                      After you said it seems like self destruction, I started to feel "I'm dumb to people? "
                      I felt I do good for people but dumb by reading it seems self destruction to you.
                      However, that i hate myself is true.
                      It's not that I think I should punish myself or something like that.
                      It's just self reflection and new start.
                      I don't feel bad writing the post above, I feel healed.
                      I think it's not my self destruction but truth.
                      I feel released. Writing is my way to release...



                      • #12
                        hi, suyoung
                        I mean now.
                        whether you are spinning, or you feel extremely calm and serenity, it means, now.
                        not the memory. but the mind, well,
                        here is a semantic thing: memory actually only happens now. however we speak like it happens in the past.
                        it only lies in now.

                        also, when there is no memory, see that' what's that?

                        and another question is on releasing the wanting to be wrong actually.( I made a mistake using capital letters, it's on "has" and "has not" rather than on "mind". and I've updated it.)
                        whenever you found yourself in a feeling of denying yourself, you could let the wanting to be wrong go.
                        and I want to say personally to you it'g good talking to you because I see how girls are quite sensitive than guys..haha... you also helped me to identify destruction feelings to anger and self-hatred, I normally mix them allotter o3
                        wanting to be wrong means....
                        well.. ... it doesn't even mean wrong, it's just a want, and any want covers your beingness, like without memory, you are that, you are awareness, you are presence, you are every-- thing, the beingness that white paper.
                        also, I highly recommend you let go of wanting to figure out,
                        it's actually of a obstacle to knowing, to have the knowledge.

                        try it and see how this unravels to you,

                        oh and fianllly, you sound dumb to me? no, not at all. and a good way to release is by welcoming! see you did it by writing these thoughts down. you feel good aint you,

                        And.... I still wanna to make some of my points clearer.

                        They don't allow to copy links here, but I found a blog entry of a coach about what's the different between ranting/venting and letting go helped me in understand the difference... so here is my version:::

                        Venting is like doing it, open the lid but still kept the fire on burning.
                        Letting go is like you could always have the lid open, that's faster, or not if that's not convinient; but you turn off the fire and fuel behind it.

                        And yes I think you are a good releaser, according to what I had about the similiar experienced before, simply make it "constant"

                        all the best,

                        - - - Updated - - -

                        mean now.
                        whether you are spinning, or you feel extremely calm and serenity, it means, now.
                        not the memory.wellm,
                        here is a semantic thing: memory actually only happens now. whoever however we spearlike it happens in the past.
                        when there is no memory, see that' what's that>

                        and another question is on releasing the wanting to be wrong actually.
                        whenever you found yourself in a feeling of denying yourself, you could let the wanting to be wrong go.
                        wanting to be wrong means....
                        well.. ... it doesn't even mean wrong, it's just a want, and want covers your beingness, like without memory, you are that, you are awareness, you are presence, you are every-- beingness that white paper.
                        also, I highly recommend you let go of wanting to figure out,
                        it's actually of a obstacle to knowing, to have the knowledge.

                        try it and see how this unravels to you,

                        Last edited by cyi; 05-07-2017, 09:06 PM. Reason: Adding some points
               Home of the Sedona Method


                        • #13
                          Hi Suyoung!

                          1.) Yes, welcoming and allowing and even noticing are all the same thing.

                          2.) When we are feeling a "bad" feeling it makes sense that we want to get rid of the "bad" feeling. In releasing, the processes sometimes don't make sense to the logical mind. In releasing when we want to get rid of a feeling or a thought we are resisting it. Resistance creates persistence. So, what we do is first welcome the resisting, welcome wanting to get rid of the feeling. allow yourself to really feel the feeling of wanting to get rid of it. Remember that welcoming is the second most fundamental way to let go. So when we welcome we are actually already releasing. Then check and ask, "Could I let go of wanting to get rid of the feeling?" Welcome whatever answer you get. And if you get a no then just keep welcoming. You can ask if you can let it go every now and then and if you can't then go back to welcoming. Everything can release from welcoming. But check and see what your reaction is to the letting go question.

                          3.) No you don't need to know where the wanting security is coming from or what it's about. The wants are universal. Everyone wants them. Welcoming the wants is also very helpful. Notice what wanting security feels like and just let it happen. Keep allowing the want to be here and then as above, check and see if you could let it go. If not then just keep welcoming.

                          Please release not only several times a day but for hours at a time sometimes. There is not down side to releasing. We can't release too much. Welcoming wanting any of the wants and checking to see if we can let them go and if we can't welcoming again is OK to do as many times or for as long as we want.

                          4.) Self loathing can be tied to feeling disapproval for ourselves. It's not that that self loathing can't be tied to the other wants too but it can be very helpful to allow any disapproval for ourselves to come up so that it can move on through the bodymind and release. The more we let go of disapproval for ourselves the better we feel about a lot of other things. So as mentioned above, welcome disapproval for yourself and check and see if you can let go of that and if not then go back to welcoming it. Remember, welcoming is releasing.

                          You wrote: "My guess is I use self loathing and depression to be secure in this world because i believe this grief will save me."

                          Could you welcome that belief?

                          Could you be open to the possibility that the self loathing and depression and grief are just feelings and have nothing tod with saving anyone?

                          Would it be OK if you let go of that belief?

                          When would it be OK for you to let go of that belief?

                          Could you let go of wanting to get security from believing that again?

                          Welcome whatever answer you get.

                          Repeat this process until you feel freer and more peaceful.



                          • #14
                            I let go of desperation and frustration and grief today, going to school by subway.
                            Can I just start with wanting straightforwardly? Without the process of finding feeling and then finding the feeling came from wants.
                            I mean, can I start right from can I welcome wanting security and could I let it go and would I let it go and when would~?


                            • #15
                              Yes Suyong, you can do that. That's a fine way to release.