9 Emotional States vs. 4 Wants

[RandyM789]

Hi there,

I've been using the SDM for a few months now, and as I am reading the book again I notice that as soon as I got to the section about releasing the four basic wants, that's what I've been focusing on. Looking at the tree diagram, it makes a lot more sense to me to be working on the root issues(wants) instead of trimming the branches. However, if it were not necessary to also be working on the 9 emotional states, I can't see why there would be such desciption on how to deal with them. In TSM, Hale sugggests reviewing and working on the chaper of letting go of emotions multiple times before moving on. At what point is one ready to move onto focusing on the four basic wants? How does one decide whether to be sorting a feeling into the 9 emotional states, or into the 4 basic wants (and their counterparts)? Again, in my mind, going for the roots would make much more sense, so why even focus on the emotional states? Perhaps there is so much foliage in the way, one can't access the roots until enough is cleared out?

Thanks

[DelilahCertifiedSMCoach]

Hi RandyM789!

No one is required to follow a particular path when releasing. When learning how to release, it's useful to start from the beginning and move on through all the processes because one process lays the groundwork for understanding the next process. However, lots of people ask similar questions. That's partly because some folks want to rush their process while others find that they don't get traction with one or more of the processes the way they do with others. Trying to rush one's process only slows it down because it indicates resistance. When resistance appears at any time, it's best if we release on the resistance by WELCOMING it. That will dissolve it, and allow our process to unfold as it does more efficiently. If we don't get traction with a process, we simply let it go and move on. We will find that later, that process will serve us well. Our initial exploration with releasing is not a reflection of how far, or deep, or high we can go with releasing. Only continuing to release, trying all of the processes out, and coming back to them again and again, and layering them will begin to reveal what can happen.

Being able to identify a feeling and connecting it to the wants, which can vary from moment to moment, further refines our releasing abilities. It's true that sometimes even an experienced releaser may not be able to identify a feeling or feelings, but at that point their facility with releasing allows them to keep letting go anyway and that's when a feeling or feelings become(s) more apparent. Many people have not developed the ability to identify a feeling. The lists of feelings are quite thorough and support developing a more and more sophisticated feeling vocabulary. There are many reasons why this is helpful, not only in releasing, but in life in general.

Best,
Delilah

[RandyM789]

Thank you very much for your response Delilah,

I think I was rushing my process, and ended up skipping over releasing emotions, thinking the 4 wants were more important becuase like you said I was in a rush. I think another one of my errors in thinking was that the path was linear/sequential - so realizing that it's not will be very helpful. So like you said, coming back to visit the different process' was very helpful. Maybe I simply wasn't ready for it the first time around. I wasn't able to quite place my emotions the first time I read through the book, but this time it is overwelmingly apprent that I am spending most of my time in the states of apathy and grief. At least once a year, I try taking a break from my anti- depressants to see if anything has changed. I stopped them in the last couple weeks and the same feelings came up that always do, the feelings of apathy and grief that normally have me running back from another script, but with the assistance of what I've learned with TSM I feel like I have a better understanding of what's going on and might be able to deal with it this time without so much avoidance. I realize the SSRI's just masked those feelings, and though they were still present, they were so much in the background that I couldn't quite feel them. Which would seem to make it much more difficult to release the lower emotions and move to the higher if you can't even really notice them.

Cheers,
Randal