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  • Troubles with fox-hole releasing

    Yesterday, I went through a dismal experience. Probably the worst I have in a long time.
    I knew this life covertly stuttering would be hard, you just can never imagine the extent
    of the hurt..

    Yesterday I was singled out by a relative as being someone who did not get an education..
    I was vilified, treated with contempt for "being almost 30 and not even having a university
    degree"...right on one of the strongest aspects of myself which is my intelect. It is
    adding insult to injury in the worst form.. it is as though someone would think he can
    defeat you in your own field of expertise..it's a writer who can't write, a singer who can't
    sing, a dancer who can't dance and some john doe out there thinks he knows better.

    It begs the question, what am I doing keeping myself alive?

    Think about this for a while..imagine Hale Dwoskin had the sorry fate of having been a
    stutterer. He wouldn't have been the face and voice of the Sedona Method..he
    probably wouldn't even have a wife..certainly not the woman he wanted.. nobody would
    ever know him, and those who did, probably found it easier to brand him a brain-
    damaged or simply, a loser.

    But hey, none of that happened right so life is good... Well not for me..I got
    the brains, the courage and the zest for life..but I ain't got the destiny. As I got back to
    my grandma's house (where I live) there was no way i could pick myself up from the
    sense of psychic rigidity that binded me. It was as though this was the definitive pain that
    could never go away and I could not turn on the TV or eat something to escape from it.
    Not this time. Not again.

    So I just sat there for hours doing my best to allow/welcome/accept until I drifted off to
    sleep completely fractured inside..sort of slept. Soon I woke up, took my medications
    and after some hours of intense mental scrutiny I went to bed and closed my eyes to
    release.. As expected I was unable to release on anything, just allowing and saying "no"
    to everything.

    But it felt so much better. Still. I should become something else than a foxhole releaser
    - as Hale calls people who only release when things get really nasty. You see, some of us
    have to accept that fate has thrown an anvil on top of our heads and that's that.

    I have to become prolific in releasing. My destiny demands that.

  • #2
    Your decision to continue releasing is Courageousness. You are courageous. Courageous enough to not let what someone said to you keep you from the freedom that you are, that we all are. Give your self some love "because it's Tuesday" as Hale has said before. Love yourself because you are the way you are and keep releasing as best you can. The method does work. Keep up the good work.

    Happy Releasing.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanx George. Yes, you are right. I am courageous. It takes more than a backbone to
      accept a life having to block in speech and have your very thought process become
      unreliable on a daily basis. It's pure damage control. You have to dodge humilliation a million
      times everyday.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hola, Horatio,

        Was very moved by your post. I wonder if you've seen the new film "The King's Speech"? It's the story of King George VI (father of the present Queen Elizabeth) who had to overcome a severe stuttering problem as King of England. I recommend it highly. Are you getting releasing support with a partner or a coach? That would be my next question, as I know that this is essential...

        Joan
        joanie

        Comment


        • #5
          Hello Horatio
          I felt for you so much when I read your post but was glad that you feel able to express yourself on the forum, knowing you you have support and love and friendship. I hope that you get some coaching becuase I am sure this would help you to get out of the loop that you find yourself in. Something which helped me when I couldnt say yes to allow/welcome etc, was the question " Could you "notice" the feelngs. I found this liberating because I could always say yes to this question. It feels good to answer yes and release happens as well, Then I could often graduate to "allow".
          I also want to tell you about a very sepcial man who helped me through an extremely difficult time. His name is Roy and he is an acupunturist.At the time I was totally wiped out by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and after trying all avenues of help heard about this amazing man called Roy. I was desperate and travelled a five hour road trip to find him. I walked into his rooms and out came this small beautiful ethereal looking man.He opened his mouth to talk and stuttered. his first words. At first I was nervous and didnt know how to be with this. However he had such a calm and healing presence that I gradually relaxed and waited until he would get his words out I found myself lisening more than ususal and becoming calmer myself. After he gave me the treatment I felt so different and started to travel once a month to the city to have treatments. I tried other acupunturists but only Roy was able to lift my energy the way he did.I felt that he had a healing abilitiy that went beyond the needles.
          He is a humble man and and yet confident in wht he does but obviously not bothered by the stutter, I sure there are many who would not recognise his genius and think he is not intelligent but he moves among those who want to be in his presence.

          Could you imagine Horatio what it would be like to have the stutter but not all the feeligns that you have around it>
          I really encourage you to have coaching and experience that love that will help you to see through the confusion of other people's opinion of you, to the you who is beyond all that and is lovable no matter how you present. I cannot speak about other coaches but I know how much I have been helped by Annrika James and her husband Tim. I go into the sessions often ressitant and overwhlemded but always come away clearer and feeling the love within.I am still challeged by my body but am learning to accept where I am and clear thelimiting beliefs which make it all much easier to handle
          Love Dharma

          Comment


          • #6
            Horacio -

            Courageous indeed! Thanks for sharing your story.

            If it helps any, here's a partial list of famous people who stutter(ed): (from Famous People Who Stutter)

            Historical: Aesop, Aristotle, Clara Barton (Founder of Red Cross), Arnold Bennett, Lewis Carroll, Winston Churchill, Thomas Jefferson, Moses, Marilyn Monroe, Anthony Quinn (Actor).

            Contemporary: Senator Joseph Biden, James Earl Jones (Actor), Sam Neill (Actor), Jack Welch (Chairman of General Electric), Bruce Willis (Actor).

            Keep releasing! (But don't beat yourself up when you don't!)
            All expressions of thought and emotion - including words - can only point to the Truth, never tell it.
            What's Enlightenment?: http://whatsenlightenment.wordpress.com

            Comment


            • #7
              Horacio, Examine...really look at your story that you're living out of. The beliefs about yourself that you hold as true. Ignore all the proof that you can produce to validate your story of pain and suffering for a brief time. Just observe the thoughts that you repeatedly produce on the screen of your mind. Keep in "mind" that they are just thoughts. They have no real substance except what your beliefs and the attention you give them "allow" them to have.
              For an example: Let's say this relative you spoke of earlier said because you have brown eyes(blue, whatever)and have not secured a college degree you will always be a failure and your life will always suck. Now, depending on the BELIEFS you hold to be true you will either let such a statement tear you apart, or you will let it pass like a cloud considering it to be just a dumb-ass remark made by an insensitive dumb-ass relative. The point being, the statement that you give attention or belief to can become part of the "story" you live your life out of.
              A persons disability does not define that person. It is what that person perceives to be true about themselves that defines who or what they will become. And that brings you to the possibilities of what your life can look like if you decide to "let go"of the stories and beliefs that do not fit or support you in having, doing or being what it is you choose.
              You've received advice and encouragement from this community. Follow it as best you can. T S M may very well be what will assist you in creating a life more to your likening. Persist with the releasing...in the fox hole or out. BTW, we've all been in the "fox-hole".
              And quit picking on Hale. Would you really rather be a short, balding Jewish guy with fallen arches and a goofy laugh?? I mean rrrreally, what's so bad about a little studdering, er, I mean stuttering? Maybe.... everything is perfect as it is. Peace...

              Comment


              • #8
                Horacio,

                I have followed some of your posts. I can relate to your story, having had similar issues in the past with strong emotions.

                In my own experience, I found that the Story I created looked far more omnious than it really was. Triple welcoming was incredibly helpful in letting go of the Story. It helped me drop alot of stuff all at once. And wow, what a breakthrough. Great big tumbling walls.

                Humiliation or the feeling of humiliation, all just energy, just sensations. They cant touch your true beingness. So let it be. Let people say what they say until they are blue in the face. It's just noise.

                And take care of yourself. Release.
                See you on the other side.
                B

                Comment


                • #9
                  Personality types

                  Hello everyone, and thank you for responding. I took a while to answer back because I
                  wanted to clear the air before writing. So now I will...

                  Before I want to thank Planthead, bhavesh, Dharma and joannie for the uplifting
                  messages of support. I will see to recieving coaching immediately.

                  What I want to make clear and a subject which is fascinating has to do with personality
                  types. When people respond with "one-size-fits-all" answers, cliché-like responses it
                  just misses the point even though one can see the good intention behind. If I where a
                  more laid-back person probably I wouldn't even be on this forum and just accept that
                  there are worst kinds of disabilities and carry on with whatever life bestows upon me...

                  Except my personality is of the cerebral kind, the one who anticipates what could and
                  most likely would go wrong, the kind who prepares a strategy to win in every scenario
                  and intends to gather as much ammunition possible to defeat my enemy/ies. I am the
                  kind who is always wary when everybody around is lost in the moment.

                  I like to think I have a lawyer's soul and I prepare everything as though they where cases.
                  I intend to leave no flanks open and present the strongest evidence. What I want to
                  stress is that people like me are built to thrive in the world
                  . The degree of attention
                  to detail and mental scrutiny dedicated to most any activity is non-negotiable. I've noticed
                  the vast majority of people are nowhere near this competitive. My pain and suffering have
                  to do with the knowingness that in a year time span I could do what most people do in
                  ten or twenty. I am built to be a leader...and I can't excercise that leadership.

                  ....I know this way of being is against spiritual values probably, but like I said, I am built
                  this way and I love to be like this. And you, how are you built?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Congratulations Horacio, You're just the person the world's been waiting for. Another apparently misunderstood, unappreciated, nit-picking, scheming and competitive individual. That is, if I understood correctly, how you discribed yourself. Oh yes, with a "lawyer's soul"(a possibility many would argue that a lawyer possess). And quite often unrecognized as the smartest one in the room, ever ready and prepared to sieze the moment....while those less gifted flounder about "lost in the moment".
                    Man! I love your posts. And I thought I had some "victim" issues. Pal, you light up the big screen of victimology. Life hasn't "bestowed" anything on you except the opportunity to discover who you are. Not the distorted illusion of who you think you are or could be....if only. What??
                    In my opinion(questionable worth), you're the poster child for "Spiritual values". Who knows what "damage" you could create if you had not received the gift of your "disability". Ironically, your disability is in large part responsible for the way, as you say, you love the way you're built. So, triple-welcome on your resistance to the apparent "disability". Then go to work on releasing and letting go of this sense or belief that you are a victim...of anything. When you let go of that belief, perhaps you'll discover that stuttering no longer defines you, your life or your possibilities. Imagine the freedom you could experience without the illusion of being a victim of life.
                    Another thing H, perhaps your situation is so NOT unique as to warrant more than "one size fits all" responses. It is not important whether you recognize the good intentions behind them. They are there regardless. Best wishes for your releasing success. Peace...
                    Last edited by Jack; 02-19-2011, 10:43 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Another perspective: YouTube - Brent Smith - How To Stop Being The Victim

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Horacio View Post
                        Yesterday, I went through a dismal experience. Probably the worst I have in a long time.
                        I knew this life covertly stuttering would be hard, you just can never imagine the extent
                        of the hurt..

                        Yesterday I was singled out by a relative as being someone who did not get an education..
                        I was vilified, treated with contempt for "being almost 30 and not even having a university
                        degree"...right on one of the strongest aspects of myself which is my intelect. It is
                        adding insult to injury in the worst form.. it is as though someone would think he can
                        defeat you in your own field of expertise..it's a writer who can't write, a singer who can't
                        sing, a dancer who can't dance and some john doe out there thinks he knows better.

                        It begs the question, what am I doing keeping myself alive?

                        Think about this for a while..imagine Hale Dwoskin had the sorry fate of having been a
                        stutterer. He wouldn't have been the face and voice of the Sedona Method..he
                        probably wouldn't even have a wife..certainly not the woman he wanted.. nobody would
                        ever know him, and those who did, probably found it easier to brand him a brain-
                        damaged or simply, a loser.

                        But hey, none of that happened right so life is good... Well not for me..I got
                        the brains, the courage and the zest for life..but I ain't got the destiny. As I got back to
                        my grandma's house (where I live) there was no way i could pick myself up from the
                        sense of psychic rigidity that binded me. It was as though this was the definitive pain that
                        could never go away and I could not turn on the TV or eat something to escape from it.
                        Not this time. Not again.

                        So I just sat there for hours doing my best to allow/welcome/accept until I drifted off to
                        sleep completely fractured inside..sort of slept. Soon I woke up, took my medications
                        and after some hours of intense mental scrutiny I went to bed and closed my eyes to
                        release.. As expected I was unable to release on anything, just allowing and saying "no"
                        to everything.

                        But it felt so much better. Still. I should become something else than a foxhole releaser
                        - as Hale calls people who only release when things get really nasty. You see, some of us
                        have to accept that fate has thrown an anvil on top of our heads and that's that.

                        I have to become prolific in releasing. My destiny demands that.
                        Horacia,
                        It looks like you have had lots of great support so far. Thanks for sharing and being out there. Keep releasing and all will be well. I too did not graduate from university. I only completed 3 years. I have not let it stop me. Lester used to say that true intelegence is a measure of how able you are to be happy. You do not learn that in school but through releasing and being yourself.
                        Love,
                        Hale

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Jack View Post
                          Congratulations Horacio, You're just the person the world's been
                          waiting for. Another apparently misunderstood, unappreciated, nit-picking, scheming and
                          competitive individual. That is, if I understood correctly, how you discribed yourself. Oh
                          yes, with a "lawyer's soul"(a possibility many would argue that a lawyer possess). And
                          quite often unrecognized as the smartest one in the room, ever ready and prepared to
                          sieze the moment....while those less gifted flounder about "lost in the moment".
                          Man! I love your posts. And I thought I had some "victim" issues. Pal, you light up the
                          big screen of victimology. Life hasn't "bestowed" anything on you except the opportunity
                          to discover who you are. Not the distorted illusion of who you think you are or could
                          be....if only. What??
                          In my opinion(questionable worth), you're the poster child for "Spiritual values". Who
                          knows what "damage" you could create if you had not received the gift of your
                          "disability". Ironically, your disability is in large part responsible for the way, as you say,
                          you love the way you're built. So, triple-welcome on your resistance to the apparent
                          "disability". Then go to work on releasing and letting go of this sense or belief that you
                          are a victim...of anything. When you let go of that belief, perhaps you'll discover that
                          stuttering no longer defines you, your life or your possibilities. Imagine the freedom you
                          could experience without the illusion of being a victim of life.
                          Another thing H, perhaps your situation is so NOT unique as to warrant more than "one
                          size fits all" responses. It is not important whether you recognize the good intentions
                          behind them. They are there regardless. Best wishes for your releasing success. Peace...

                          Jack, just like I am the poster-boy for victimology, your posts have the habit of lighting
                          up the room...they are soo profound...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Horacio View Post
                            I like to think I have a lawyer's soul and I prepare everything as though they where cases.
                            I intend to leave no flanks open and present the strongest evidence. What I want to
                            stress is that people like me are built to thrive in the world
                            .
                            You might get a lot out of exploring the belief that cunning intellect = wired to thrive in the world. I would, for most of my life, describe myself in a similar fashion to the sentence above. Work everything out, from every angle, ready to take down anyone with whatever they said and always have the better answer.

                            Once you are established as the best, you can be successful- because the "best" person always gets the reward.. the gold medal.There is a lot of evidence of very worldly-successful people that have this combined with that 'go-getter' approach to prove the idea that that is just what it takes.

                            If you physically just can't run, for example, you can't possibly win the gold medal- so you're done before you start, it's pointless.

                            You can release all you want, but in the end, you're really just sort of kidding yourself.

                            Is that how you feel at all? I've felt that way many times and I don't even have a disability, just what my mind likes to call a "disadvantage" in natural talent compared to brilliantly talented super-prodigies in my field who are more successful than me, much better and younger, seemingly without working for it.

                            But there are examples the other way- you will find more, and more, and more of people at an *extremely* high, often the highest levels of success, who come from a place of letting go. Things that just don't seem to make any sense. One of the great percussionists in the world is deaf.. but aside from examples, just try to get yourself around a 'released' person who is very successful and see how stuff just lines up for them. Explore this and look for it if your mind just needs some confirmation that this is even possible.

                            Then go for it with releasing- just go all out man, there is nothing to lose.

                            It might seem like weakness - to prove that family member wrong, one up them, show them their place vs. just laugh and not give the slightest damn, but all the power really is in the latter.
                            <a href="http://www.consciousnessjunkie.com">Consciousness Junkie</a>

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Thank you Evan, that was a great post.

                              You wrote:


                              "If you physically just can't run, for example, you can't possibly win the gold medal- so
                              you're done before you start, it's pointless. You can release all you want, but in the end,
                              you're really just sort of kidding yourself."

                              That line says it all. To wait for a miracle in life is absurd. The situation with me was that I
                              was always caught in the middle between abnormality and whatever the normal standard
                              was by something that is not evident as lacking a limb or suffering from an accepted
                              disease. Seriously, no one makes fun of a blind man or a cancer-stricken person, yet the
                              stutterer is usually openly treated with contempt and it's socially acceptable to make a
                              mockery of him!

                              It took many years to see that there were people who went through similar struggles..
                              I just recalled one a few days earlier and would like to share with you. I recalled that nearly
                              15 years ago I found this "sports illustrated for kids" mag in my school's library. Typical
                              of me, I browsed through it as I did with every book around..There I found a section
                              where legends of the sport would present their life stories in comic-like form.

                              It turned out it was Bill Walton, chosen as one of the 50 Greatest NBA players in history.
                              I was -then - mad for the Chicago Bulls and was already suffering terribly by the stutter.
                              And, voilá, Bill Walton's "story" was all about how he found in basketball an opportunity to
                              escape the pressures of having to speak as he was paralyzed by a stutter from an early
                              age. There were pictures portraying him as the laughing-stock of the class, nothing
                              strange there but what really struck me was that in his early days in the game he earned
                              a reputation for fleeing in panic from journalists excusing himself with any sort of stupid
                              made-up excuses.

                              He was shun by his teammates because many thought him to have an ill temper as he
                              would decline social gatherings...no matter how much he would have liked to get along.
                              He was so paralyzed by facing the media and having to speak up and have people find
                              out he was "not normal" in such a terrible light it was only when he was 28 that a
                              broadcaster was keen to find out about why this great ball player was such a pain in the
                              ass with his bad manner and atittude that things started to change.

                              And boy they did...Today he broadcasts basketball games despite he says he's still not
                              entirely cured. I've known people to dislike his slow pace voice and apparent mis-use of
                              the language. Bob Costas, who broadcasts along him says: ''But he has to work so hard
                              to control his stutter. I've seen him practicing in front of a mirror, over and over, before
                              he goes on air."

                              Walton says: ''I took refuge in things that I did well as a youngster. . . . Basketball was
                              my religion, the gym my church . . . a convenient way of avoiding developing my human-
                              relations skills". And concludes: "The greatest accomplishment of my life was not
                              basketball, it was my victory over the stuttering".

                              Now this man is worth his weight in gold. And he's a 7ft giant. Did you know any of
                              this?

                              ;0)

                              Comment

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