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Troubles with fox-hole releasing

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  • #16
    Hi Horacio and everyone on this thread,

    What's lovely about this thread is that we can all relate to having someone zing us right where the zing will have the most impact. The reason the zing has impact is because we ourselves actually believe what the "zinger" is saying about us before it ever popped out the other person's mouth. If we didn't already believe it we would hear the comment and just drop it because it wouldn't be relevant to our own experience of ourselves. The most powerful antidote to this is to just keep releasing.

    This might help,

    Can you remember when you used to believe _______________about yourself?

    Can you welcome that?

    What want does that stir up?

    Can you welcome wanting that?

    Could let go of wanting that?

    And could you let go of wanting to believe that again?


    Please keep us posted on how things unfold,

    Delilah
    Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 02-22-2011, 04:07 PM.
    www.theaccordcenter.net

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    • #17
      Great stuff man.

      The "you're only kidding yourself" feeling, for me, has to do with thinking there is only one "solution" to the problem, and that it's completely implausible.. so i'm releasing SO THAT x will happen, and it feels pointless. Just releasing the feelings around it and the feeling itself, it allows for y to happen, whatever that might be, something we didn't even consider.. usually much better than x!

      It also stands to reason from what Walton said that if he did NOT have his stutter, he probably wouldn't have become the basketball player he did.

      This might sound sarcastic but it's really not- a huge percentage of most talking is overrated and is just a distraction anyway
      <a href="http://www.consciousnessjunkie.com">Consciousness Junkie</a>

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Evan View Post
        Great stuff man.

        The "you're only kidding yourself" feeling, for me, has to do with thinking there is only one "solution" to the problem, and that it's completely implausible.. so i'm releasing SO THAT x will happen, and it feels pointless. Just releasing the feelings around it and the feeling itself, it allows for y to happen, whatever that might be, something we didn't even consider.. usually much better than x!

        It also stands to reason from what Walton said that if he did NOT have his stutter, he probably wouldn't have become the basketball player he did.

        This might sound sarcastic but it's really not- a huge percentage of most talking is overrated and is just a distraction anyway


        Evan,

        The reason I highlight the above is because I've been feeling this way for a long time...
        you know it is socially crippling really to some extent but I can't engage in small
        talk..I HATE IT. I can't do it. I had too much pain in my life to play stupid common clay.

        When I go out to lunch during breaks from work I see people go "blah..bla..bla..blah.."
        endlessly..it becomes so annoying. I want to do something to make them stop..Often I
        wonder: "Why can't people savor the silence?". Most of their babble is going to be
        crap anyhow one way or the other it will not render higher life values or have any
        immediate or long-lasting impact in them.

        I recall when I was 20 and converted to Buddhism I spent 11 days in a monastery in Sao
        Paulo, Brazil. We spent many hours a day in what was called "Noble silence". People even
        carried a note on their shirts saying: "Please don't speak to me, I am experiencing the
        noble silence
        " (roughly translated from portuguese)

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        • #19
          Thank you Evan and Horacio for these posts. It brought to mind memories of feeling shy as a teenager and how ashamed I felt of being afraid to talk then. A long time ago, but somehow I carried on believing the commonly held belief in the importance of talking, and reading your posts brought a sense of releasing and of compassion for the girl who used to believe she was shy so many years ago. It’s got me thinking about the many ways children are given contradictory messages about talk, and the effect that probably has.

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          • #20
            Hi friends,

            I used to have real resistance to small talk myself. I too have experienced and love the exquisite space that occurs in silence. I felt that this was much more meaningful and valuable than the chatter. As I continued to release I discovered that I was resisting. I was resisting the noise, I was resisting the people making the noise, I was resisting the content of the noise. I was engaged in a whole lot of resisting. Eventually I began to use each social or professional situation as a chance to release. I found that I had so much energy bound up in reisisting others and when I released I then had access to that energy for me and the things that I really cared about. I also found myself loving all the folks who were chattering. But what is also fascinating is that I discovered the silence that is always here no matter who is talking and no matter what they are saying.

            Here's a thought. Next you find yourself around chatterers, see if you can notice the silence that is always here.

            Best,
            Delilah
            www.theaccordcenter.net

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            • #21
              I used to feel strong feelings about conversing / small talk, etc. and like Delilah says it was definitely rolled up in all sorts of resistance, including the idea that I'm SUPPOSED to do it or be more social.

              What I wrote about talking being overrated, is more in the sense that you can feel completely fine without it, you can be fully liberated and "learn" what you need to do know without it- there's no reason for anyone to be down on themselves for not talking much or feel like they are missing everything.

              Ironically, as Deliliah wrote, I too am finding myself completely indifferent to it and just smiling in those situations as I continue to release more and more intensely. I also realized that I on more than one occasion today spoke to people in an elevator / entrance and just asked them general small talk stuff. This would, not very long ago, be considered this "big deal" or somehow some accomplishment, and also against my nature, but I didn't think twice about it, it just sort of happened. All of the pressure associated with it, as well as judgement for the seeming shallowness of much human behavior / interaction, was really a huge weight on my shoulders that I was turning into a big deal that only created suffering. There was also a lot of pride/separation for letting myself feeling like I was somehow "above it" because I was into "deeper" stuff, which given the fact that I was judging and so not released every time I did that, just sounds hilarious and ironic to me now!
              <a href="http://www.consciousnessjunkie.com">Consciousness Junkie</a>

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              • #22
                Thanks for sharing this dear... But I am conscious about just one thing. But, I think I should discuss with
                my some friend and then share here.
                Hope for a nice time.
                regards

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