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  • Need help with pet related emotional issues.

    Hi everyone,

    After having to euthanize my last dog in March, I was without a dog for the second time in my life. I am 40 and always had dogs since I was born.

    I adopted a new dog that I recently had to give back to the rescue after he, out of fear, bit 2 people. He seemed to be scared when strangers got near his collar.

    I had the dog for 4 months, I thought the first bite was an adjustment issue to the new home. I sought out two trainers. He was doing great and I really loved him then last week he bit my niece that he knew very well and I had to return him.

    I am having trouble with guilt, feelings that I abandoned him, and guilt from the rescue that kind of interrogated me about returning him (I spent close to 2K in training). I feel very sad when I am around the house and he is not at home and the memory of him pulling to get away from the rescue when I brought him back haunts me.

    I really have problems with guilt from people (whether right or wrong) and found solace in my dogs. This guy was 2 years old, I was his second owner and although I think I made the right decision in bringing him back, I am suffering.

    The method has done wonders for me but just can't seem to shake this.

    Any help would be appreciated.

    Thank you,

    John

  • #2
    Sounds like the guilt should belong to the individuals who harmed the dog that caused him to be anxious about being touched at the collar and might even have trained him to bite. That cannot always be trained out of them. I too had to take a dog to the shelter and felt bad about it. After a week I returned to the shelter to get another dog. In the grand scheme of things dogs are with us for a short period of time. Sometimes we have to let someone else love them.

    You didn't abandon him on the street or dump him in the bush. You returned him to the shelter where someone else may give him a home. Remember you didn't cause him to behave that way. That you loved him but someone else made him what he is.

    I don't know how often I've felt the guilt of having to hand over an animal I loved to someone else to care for. It is grief. Because they have left our lives. So I recommend using the grief audios. Welcome the feeling as best you can.

    Alex

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Alex,

      Thank you for your response. I think there might be grief there but a lot of it is definitely guilt. I have worked with thousands of dogs and kind of see them for their individual identities. Plus, I have long standing issues with guilt in general. I feel guilty about what the owner of the rescue thinks (btw they are no kill and a rescue for siberian huskies, not a shelter) and that I abandoned a friend.

      Either way I think it is a strong feeling and I think it is just a lot of releasing to do.

      I found releasing on wanting to be one with the dog and wanting control of the situation helpful. I think maybe since for me it is a very had issue I just need to accept that it might return from time to time.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi Alex,

        Thank you for your response. I think there might be grief there but a lot of it is definitely guilt. I have worked with thousands of dogs and kind of see them for their individual identities. Plus, I have long standing issues with guilt in general. I feel guilty about what the owner of the rescue thinks (btw they are no kill and a rescue for siberian huskies, not a shelter) and that I abandoned a friend (I had him for 4 months).

        Either way I think it is a strong feeling and I think there just might be more releasing to do.

        I found releasing on wanting to be one with the dog and wanting control of the situation helpful. I think maybe since for me it is a very had issue I just need to accept that it might return from time to time.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by jkarnish View Post
          Hi everyone,

          After having to euthanize my last dog in March, I was without a dog for the second time in my life. I am 40 and always had dogs since I was born.

          I adopted a new dog that I recently had to give back to the rescue after he, out of fear, bit 2 people. He seemed to be scared when strangers got near his collar.

          I had the dog for 4 months, I thought the first bite was an adjustment issue to the new home. I sought out two trainers. He was doing great and I really loved him then last week he bit my niece that he knew very well and I had to return him.

          I am having trouble with guilt, feelings that I abandoned him, and guilt from the rescue that kind of interrogated me about returning him (I spent close to 2K in training). I feel very sad when I am around the house and he is not at home and the memory of him pulling to get away from the rescue when I brought him back haunts me.

          I really have problems with guilt from people (whether right or wrong) and found solace in my dogs. This guy was 2 years old, I was his second owner and although I think I made the right decision in bringing him back, I am suffering.

          The method has done wonders for me but just can't seem to shake this.

          Any help would be appreciated.

          Thank you,

          John
          Hi John!

          See if there is any wanting to change how the dog was, how you handled it, what the outcome was, etc. It's understandable if those feelings are here at all. See if you can open up fully and allow all that wanting it to be different as much as you do. Take your time. And then see if you could let that go. Would you if you could? When?

          I understand how important your dogs are to you. I am a dog person myself and totally get it. I had to give up two different dogs when I was a kid for two different reasons and I've had dogs die several times later in life. In the interest of complete disclosure, I had to put my 17 year old dog to sleep a year ago and I still miss her terribly. But I miss every single dog I've ever had terribly too. There is just something so incredible about dogs and what they bring to my life. I used to want to avoid the sadness and the longing for them but now I allow it to come up when it does. It's very helpful. I miss how much they love and how much fun they are and their unique personalities. I like to allow my love for them to come up fully because it opens my heart to the love I share with my dogs and feeling love is a good thing. Sometimes I get a little weepy but I let the tears come because those tears are "wet love" brimming over in my heart. And I confess, I talk to the dogs that I have lost when ever I need to. I tell them how much I love them and how much I miss them and what I miss about them. Ex: Minute loved to fetch on land and in the water so there are lots of times when I think "Oh Minute would love to swim in this creek and go after the stick if she were here." I tell her I miss her and thank her for all the years we had fun together in that special way. I open to my love for her as much as I possibly can and I can feel her with me! It's true I can't hug her or kiss her nose or scratch her butt or her belly but I can feel her and the love and the fun we shared and it makes me so happy to have had what we had together. My love for her or any of my dogs never dies. And that love is a constant blessing for me even when those dogs aren't here in body.

          I know that fit between dog and person can be tricky sometimes. And some dogs have special needs that only certain people can give them. My dogs have mostly been rescues and each of them has their unique quirks. Those quirks work for me and I am just the right person for those dogs. They need exactly what I have to give. And I also know that I am not the right person for some other dogs I've encountered. They need what I can not give not because I'm deficient or bad but because it's just not the right fit.

          See if there is any disapproval for yourself in the way things worked out for that dog and see if you can let it come up as fully as possible. And then see if you could let that go.

          And just keep letting all the thoughts and feelings come up around all the dogs you've ever loved so that you can allow that love to saturate you completely. It's a wonderful thing to have shared love with a dog.

          Best,
          Delilah
          Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 10-13-2014, 10:33 AM.
          www.theaccordcenter.net

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you Delilah, I have copied your suggestions to a separate file and will work on releasing later tonight. I do think there is disapproval, especially of myself even though I know that bringing him back was the best choice for both of us. Logic and emotions don't always go together.

            Thank you, I think this will help.

            John

            - - - Updated - - -

            Thank you Delilah, I have copied your suggestions to a separate file and will work on releasing later tonight. I do think there is disapproval, especially of myself even though I know that bringing him back was the best choice for both of us. Logic and emotions don't always go together.

            Thank you, I think this will help.

            John

            Comment

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