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Dead Heart? Can't Feel & Can't Release

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  • Dead Heart? Can't Feel & Can't Release

    I apologize in advance for the long post. Wanted to state the issue with some background info and ended up being a bit long.

    Hello. First post here. Signed up as a last-ditch effort because I've been trying to release after reading the book, but having so much trouble and needed help.

    As I understand, feelings is the main ingredient in being able to release.
    Need to be able to feel the feeling.
    And need to be able to let it go.

    ### PROBLEM ###
    My problem is in the very first step. I can't feel...
    I say the words and try to see my NOW feeling, but I don't know if I am.
    And I have no idea if I am welcoming it when I say the welcoming part.

    Mentally, I know what I want to let go of and why I need to.
    But I just can't feel it.
    I could bathe in despair and hopelessness all morning, then when I try to release it (whether it's right then and there or later), I just can't feel that feeling.
    The moment I try to feel it to begin the releasing process, it seems to go "missing" only to return later with the next trigger.

    And it's not for lack of motivation. Decided to share a bit of background info in case it helps someone here to help me...
    I have been struggling financially for over a decade.
    Pretty smart and can get really absorbed into work, but when it comes to my finance related work (stuff that earns me money), I find that I can't focus and stick it out.
    I'm constantly procrastinating and afraid to pull the trigger after spending days on a mini project.
    It's almost like I distract myself with work to get the projects ready, then chicken out.
    Or I distract myself with videos or games or news while I know in the back of my head that I should be working.
    But maybe the added pressure makes me procrastinate more.
    And when I try to release on any of this - poof - it's gone. I just can't feel it.
    It's so frustrating.

    As a result of this:
    - I've been on social security for years
    - Living on borrowed money
    - CCs near maxed out
    - Almost zero income & increasing expenses
    - Can't support family or elderly parents
    - Severe and constant negative self-talk (i.e., "Not worth the air you breathe", "Waste of human skin", etc...)
    - Episodes of thoughts of escaping it all and checking out
    - Crumbling self-confidence, assurance, esteem, or anything else "self-" for that matter except for the negatives (i.e., self-hatred)

    I have ideas and people teaching me what to do to make my business work and to become more financially secure.
    I only have to take the actions, which I can't seem to do. And can't seem to release. I feel ... trapped.
    And finance is where most of my current issues are rooted.
    But I feel like my problems leading to the financial issues are stemming from something else.
    I may have been neglected as a child. Was jokingly but truthfully told by my nanny that I was left alone in a room for long periods of time around when I was a toddler.
    I was sexually molested (or raped?) around age 10 (foggy memory as to when) by a family friend's daughter. She was about 5 years older than me.

    This may have led to a whole host of other problems, of which I think one is worth mentioning here.
    My wife had noticed, and subsequently, I have as well, that I don't seem to feel much emotion. Maybe it's a guy thing.
    I find that I'm lacking general interest in my wife or even in my kids. I love them. I care for them. I dismissed it as "I'm too busy and mind too caught up with other things".
    I care for them, but not too much about them if that makes any sense. I'm not too sure myself on how to word this or what I feel or don't feel.
    I don't really care about their day or how things are at school. That sort of thing. But a bit more than that...
    My wife sometimes jokes that I must be a sociopath.

    I do genuinely feel. When I watch sad movies, I cry. I'm not completely devoid of emotions, just so you understand in case I was painting thing a bit too extreme.
    Emotions flare up in the moment, but they quickly disappear as I mentioned above.
    It doesn't matter if I try to remember the event or things that were said. It only registers in my head but I don't really feel much.
    As you can imagine, this attributes to overcoming procrastination as well. I could psych myself to get things done, but in a few mintues they dissolve away.

    I apologize for the long post...
    Feels like just getting this out has lessened the burden somewhat for now.
    Don't even know if this is something that Sedona Method can help with but it's pretty much my last hope I can think of.

    But it feels like this could be the key and the ability to turn the key rests on finding that feeling so I can let the darn things go.

    Thanks kindly in advance to all those reading it replying.

  • #2
    Hi Rookie!

    It might be helpful if you just bring awareness to the lack of feeling. I know this is counter-intuitive since we make a big deal about feelings here but it's a good place to start. Notice what it feels like from the chin down not to feel any feelings. Just stay with that for a while. A good long while. Again, I know this sound strange but eventually a feeling will come up. Or even a thought. A thought might come up that you can't do this. Notice what feeling accompanies with that thought. Frustration? That's a feeling. Instead of thinking about letting go thing more about allowing what is here right now to be here. Even if it's no feeling. I guarantee that no feeling is a feeling that will lead to feelings if you hang with it. Welcoming is best for folks who can't feel feelings. Welcoming is the same as notice, allow , open too, invite up, bring awareness too, make space for, be with, etc. this will definitely lead to feeling things and help to become a really good welcomer. the better welcomer we are the better releaser we are. Also, remember that welcoming is the second most fundamental way to let go.

    Thoughts like " "Not worth the air you breathe", "Waste of human skin", etc.." can also become feelings if you pay attention to what is going on from the chin down. These thoughts are often very much already tied to feelings. So, again, notice what is going on from the chin down and see what these thoughts feel like in the body. Take your time. " "Not worth the air you breathe", "Waste of human skin", etc.." are strong thoughts and they will connect to strong feelings if you are patient and willing to really look around in the body. Check your throat, shoulders, chest, stomach, lower abdomen, back, buttocks, see where these thoughts are located in the body because they are. They might be subtle but if you are patient and hand in there you will start to see where they are and what they feel like. Again, welcome them, notice, allow , open too, invite up, bring awareness too, make space for, be with, etc. instead of trying to let them go. Slowly you will feel them if you are willing to give yourself the time to do that.



    • #3
      Thank you, Delilah for your reply.

      Do you mean that the feeling I'm supposed to look for is not an emotion but a physical sensation in the body?


      • #4
        Hi Rookie!

        Perfect excellent question!!!! YES!! Feelings are sensations in the body. We call them feelings because we feel them in the body. I would also add that the sensations that we call feelings (because we feel them in the body) are energy in motion (e-motion).



        • #5

          So the goal of the Method isn't to let go of the feelings (as in emotions), but the physical sensations?

          Emotion = physical sensations?

          Then aren't I just physically relaxing or physically isn't the releasing limited to the physical level?
          What is the difference then between releasing and just learning to relax and loosen up, as an example?


          • #6
            Hi Rookie!

            Emotions are the same as feelings. Feelings are the same as emotions. Feelings and emotions are experienced as physical sensations in the body. How can we tell that we are angry or happy? We feel distinct sensations in the body. Many of us don't realize that we can tell that we are feeling an emotion because of the sensations we are having in our body because we aren't taught to actually check and see what is happening right now as a feeling/emotion is happening. The next time you feel a feeling/emotion like joy or anger ask yourself "How can I tell what I am feeling?", "What is actually happening RIGHT NOW that informs me of the feeling/emotion I call fear or grief?"

            To some releasing might seem like an intellectual process because we use words, sentences and questions to support a release. But it is much deeper and far reaching than that. To some others it might seem like a physical process because they feel more relaxed and more physically comfortable after they release. Releasing is an energetic process. We are energy beings. When folks go to an acupuncturist they are getting help to unblock energy so that it can flow properly. When we let go we are really letting go into flow. Everything in our lives flows with more ease and joy. Thoughts and feelings are essentially energetic phenomena. So are stories and tendencies and patterns and programs and issues. The outcome of releasing will appear as a more relaxed muscular feeling or as a more spacious and expanded feeling inside or as a quieter mind or as a more peaceful mind or a joyful mind or as a more unlimited/limitless mind or as a energized body or as a feeling of connectedness/oneness with everyone and everything or as love itself (ourselves) or as all of the above.



            • #7
              Hi Rookie,

              I had the same issue when i started of. In fact, most of how you describe yourself applies to me as well. I think the 'dead-ness' that you talk about is a result of being disconnected from our feelings and our body, which will naturally impact how we interact with the world. But it can be reversed

              For the first month or so I would just sit or lie down and scan my body. (eyes closed, quiet room, steady breathing, and just focus on each part of your body one at a time). It took some time to realize that the sensations were always there but that i had tuned them out. tingling in my fingers, tightness in my chest, churning stomach, twitching/throbbing/pulsating of the facial muscles, throat, neck, back etc. They started to show up subtly at first, hard to notice, but the more i just allowed them to come up without interfering with them the stronger they got. to the point where it would get physically uncomfortable and sometimes painful.

              the skeptic in me wondered how physical manifestations of emotions would help with feeling in my heart, and then the answer came! with buckets of pain and tears, probably from the repressed feelings i have been carrying around. you wont need to do anything, the feelings will come up on their own. but since you are not used to experiencing them you may find yourself resisting them. but the more you allow them to come up, the more you will experience. and the more you will exprience the more you will settle into the process and look at them with a centeredness and balance.

              so to answer your question, yes you can feel and you will feel like youve never felt before.

              These days I'm feelings strong emotions all the time. well, they are under the surface all the time and i can access them whenever i choose to, so i'm not on edge 24/7. but when i want to be with them, they are there.

              what im struggling with is release. its likely different forms of resistance that i havent yet identified. i feel tiny pieces of release, and those bring in tiny pieces of peace and contentment, but those are so pure that it makes all the struggle worth it.

              iim working on making the tiny pieces bigger and i'll get there eventually i hope


              • #8
                Hi ps129,

                Thank you for your reply. It helps me a lot to hear from others in similar situations and having gone through what I hope will go through soon.

                I have been trying to pay more attention to the bodily sensations after I read replies from Delilah (thank you!). I still don't see the connection between the two in a hard evidence sort of way. Just a vague understanding that the mind and the body are not exclusive to each other and that one can affect the other.

                Maybe it was because I couldn't feel, but I had a very disappointing experience with attempted releases as well. When I tried them in the moment when I actually felt the emotion (not sensations in the body), I didn't notice much of a release or lessening of the emotions. I found myself just going through the words and saying "yes", but not really understanding or thinking about the meaning of what that meant. But then again, my understanding is that we're not supposed to think about so much as feel it so it's all confusing. I'm used to thinking and not really the feeling.

                Funny, all my life I thought of myself as a "sensitive" type that could feel, but I'm now finding out that I actually have very much resistance to it and have been avoiding it perhaps.

                I wish you well in your journey as well.


                • #9
                  Hi Rookie!

                  An interesting exercise would be to explore the adv/disadvs process as described in TSM book. This exploration can open things up for us and help us to access feelings with more ease when we start here.

                  1.What is an advantage to not feeling feelings?

                  Welcome your answer.

                  What want does that arise from?

                  Welcome that want.

                  Could you let go of wanting that want?

                  Could you let go of wanting to get that want from not feeling feelings?

                  2.What is a disadvantage to not feeling feelings?

                  What want does that arise from?

                  Welcome that want.

                  Could you let go of wanting that want?

                  Could you let go of wanting to get that want from not feeling feelings?