Anxiety and communicating with people

[vitong]

Dear all,

Thanks for taking the time to read my posts and hope to hear from the coaches here. I have been living with OCD/ anxiety for the past 8 years. Stopped meds about 2 years back as I knew I could conquer it somehow.

My pressing problem is communicating with people from all walks of life, regardless is it with my parents, friends or even my partner. As such have lost most of my confidence in dealing with life successfully. I am unable to maintain proper eye contact, and if I do I end my staring at the person when speaking to them.

I would like to start by working my communication skills with my partner, who has been ever so supportive over my struggle with OCD. When communicating with her, my pressing thoughts tell me to look at her shoulder when all i want is to look at her normally when speaking to her.

This happens when speaking to other people as well, my anxious thoughts keep telling me to look elsewhere intead of their eyes, and I try so hard to keep into the conversation by looking at the person, but it seems to result into more a staring contest instead.

I hope to get your advice through the application of the TSM for my OCD/ anxiety.

I have been on the program for the past 2 weeks, and in doing the process mentally, i have occasional bouts of freedom and knowingness. But when communicating with people, how can I do the process and focus on the conversation at the same time?

I thank you for your valuable advice and look forward to hearing from you.

Vitong

[laughter]

go easy on yourself

Hello vitong,

I'm very new at the Sedona Method, but since no one has replied to you yet, I will share my thoughts in hopes they will be supportive to you.
Please go easy on yourself. I suggest you practice releasing your "eye contact" issue while you are alone (or just with someone who is helping you release)----rather than trying to release, just yet, while talking with someone. Maybe the later is just too much pressure all at one time for right now! You could even practice in your mind, imagining that you are talking with someone----and you could do releases while having these imaginary conversations. I bet you'll be amazed how helpful that can be! Later, it may become easier to release while talking with someone.

Although this isn't psychotherapy, psychotherapists often have clients practice in imaginary settings before practicing in real life! Especially in situations where the person is very stressed or fearful. So the above approach may work wonders! Best wishes! Please let us know how you do!

[Evie]

Hi Vitong,
I agree with Laughter that the first thing is to be easy on yourself. I have no experience of OCD, but I’m sure that releasing helps with it as with anything. The more you release when away from others and you will gradually find that you will be able to release when with others.
If I feel anxious around someone what I find very helpful is just to welcome that anxiety. Sometimes I’ve said to myself, ”It’s okay to feel anxious right now. I can welcome it, and I can let it go.” Very often that’s all that’s needed to feel able to cope - the welcoming brings the release. If you are worrying about how to behave or what to say with someone then I would say that welcoming your feelings would be a good place to start.

[Liesbeth]

Hi vitong

I agree with laughter and with evie.
Here is some suggestion :
Can you allow what you call 'my ocd/anxiety' to welcome as JUST energy.
As a wave that is part of the ocean............. Can you just welcome the wave
without trying to label it, judge it etc.
And while welcoming the wave you may notice that some unraveling will happen immediately
because you do not label it this time. It is being allowed for, for what it is. energy.

And also welcome any wanting to do anything with this energy.
(that is the 2nd wave) any wanting to control, get rid of, understand etc........
also any resistance to the first wave....
just also welcome that wave and allow yourself to feel again that this is just energy.

thirdly welcome how personal this appears to be.
Welcome how real it feels . Welcome all identification with it......
Welcome how familiair it feels.
This is an invitation to let go of all identification.

And can you let go of wanting to make this real again?

If you do this a couple of times a day you will slowly get more relaxed when you talk to people.

Also, if you become 'hootless' about whether or not you will look a person in the eyes , the voice in your
head that tells you to look elsewhere will lessen. Because it has nothing to stick to!!!!
when the resistance is gone it cannot survive.

Take care! let us know how you are doing.
And it is great that you share this with us. You help a lot of people by doing that.

Liesbeth

[sendale]

Just go easy on yourself ,do what you want for free,all would be easy.

[Kate]

Hi Vitong
Thanks to the posts above too, sound great and guess they could well have cleaned it up by now.
Nonetheless, just for fun hows about , standing in front of the mirror for say 10 minutes (or 5mins to start) and make eye contact with the beautiful eyes that you look at If you begin to laugh , just enjoy it but continue as best you can allowing any awkwardness to come up when and if it does, thats perfect too....
Can you do this as relaxed as comfortable as best you can...or even visualise doing that while communicating to another, and release on what comes up as you visualise it....for example, is there any wanting "something" to not happen when you make eye contact?
Could you just notice that and allow it, just for now?
Could you let it go?
Would you let it go ?
When?

Hows it feel now?
Once again gaze into the mirror for 10 mins...check and see, what are you expecting to happen?
Could you just welcome /notice that?
Is there any wanting to change that, fix it make it go away.... any wanting approval, security, separation or oneness?
Could you let that go, just for now? Would you ? When?

How does it feel now? What is the feeling that you notice when gazing into the mirrior exercise for 10mins again?
What is it that is AWARE of that feeling?
Could you welcome that awareness.....and welcome it some more, and even more...
and could you just rest as that which needs nothing more to be and is perfect and whole just as that awareness, that just is, what it is
Hope all is well and enjoy