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Cant stop wanting to release in order to fix or get rid of my issues.

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  • Cant stop wanting to release in order to fix or get rid of my issues.

    Since recently being introduced to TSM I have had many gains and personal realizations. I have become much more intact with my self and personal feelings. For the longest time I have been living with fear and anxiety that I wasn't even aware of, in fact I refused to even accept it, I was blind. I somehow had excuses for everything and spent most of my time suppressing them with drugs. (which seemed pretty normal for someone who socializes a lot at my age) Just feeling like something is wrong with me just not knowing what. I have since released on so much that I am able to see more clearly what is going on I feel.
    The problem I feel I am having now is that I have this discomfort/ anxiety/ resistance almost all the time to life, people and the list goes on and on and all I want to do is be rid of it, nail it down and live life. I keep releasing yet it feels that I am really releasing as a means to get "rid" of or fix my troubles. Then when I release on trying to "Fix" I let go a little but I still feel uncomfortable and all I want to do is release. Its like when Im home alone releasing I feel great and it feel like I'm releasing so much yet it just seems to come right back. Its like all of a sudden I think of something I feel doubt and I'm like I NEED TO release to get rid of it. In fact I feel like my life has been justified by trying to get rid of my issues for the last few years. (although new to TSM I have been through many diff methods) Anyway as soon as I let go of wanting to "fix," that same issue or new issues pop up that I judge and dislike or my mind constantly looks for things to fix or change or could be better, improve or that I am not happy with, and then boom I NEED TO release to get rid of these issues. I just can't accept some of these things or allow them to be cause I dislike them and they bother me so much.

  • #2
    What you describe is common as releasing isn't a straight line. As you release and start truly letting go of issues and conflicts new ones pop up. It is a lot like a log jam. You start clearing logs only to find another log, but you are making improvements. You also mentioned your recognition of needing/wanting to change this or that, however that is a HUGE step.

    The very act of recognizing this behavior is breaking the pattern. TSM is about breaking out of the mind trap and getting to silence - no mind if you will. A feeling or thought can no longer control you once you realize it is trying to control you. You have risen above it. Now it may make take some time to fully free yourself from that thought pattern but you have stepped beyond it.

    When you simply watch your thoughts you are no longer your thoughts. The mind can not watch itself. Only your true self, your consciousness, can watch your mind. As soon as you do that a new dimension has just opened and you are no longer the same person. You are being to break the chains of the egoic mind.

    You have some options here:

    1) You can release on the feeling of needing/wanting to release.

    2) You can simply watch those feelings and thoughts and as best you can don't judge them. You simply pay full attention to them and express them if need be but all you do is watch them. You become the silence observer. In time they will start to diminish.

    3) You continue as-is and see what happens as things can change on their own. You are after all releasing.

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    • #3
      Hi rojo,

      What you describe here is one of the most common experiences. Everyone is always wanting to fix or change things. And it is not uncommon to want to get rid of uncomfortable feelings and to use the releasing process to do that. That you have had this insight is invaluable and fantastic. Releasing on wanting to get rid of things or wanting to fix things are good releases to have handy at all times. First, there is no down side to releasing. We can't release too much. And second, at the beginning there is often a lot of "stuff' that comes up so don't worry that that might be happening for you. It feels so good to let go and so we want to let go more and more...I'm not sure that's actually a problem LOL...

      But one question that might be of use: If you don't refer to the body or the mind or to memory can you find the one that needs fixing? If you get a yes, first welcome that and then see if you can notice that you are identifying with the body or the mind or with a memory? If you actually check to see what is really here right now, in this minute, ...does anything need fixing? Notice any tendency to look into memory to find the thing that needs fixing. And just welcome that. But then check again, right here, right now, can you find anything that actually needs fixing.

      Thanks for you share! And keep us posted on how things are going,
      Delilah
      www.theaccordcenter.net

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