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When I let sexual energy flow, I loose control and safety and end up in regret

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  • When I let sexual energy flow, I loose control and safety and end up in regret

    Dear Hale, Dear Community,

    I recently spent a few weeks in which I would spend a lot of time almost every day meditating and listening to the Inner Circle retreat recordings. As a result, I felt a surge in sexual energy flowing through me, energy I was presumably suppressing or just disconnected from before that. And I started going through my days nurturing love-feelings for everyone I would meet. Connected with a long-standing desire to have more sex, I ended up in a situation where after many "unsuccessful" months of no sexual activity at all I suddenly had two women inviting me to have sex with them in the same week. I felt more or less clear on where I would need to draw the line in order to stay responsible to myself and both women, not taking too many risks for our sexual health. The problem is that while together, one of those women crossed the line I had explicitly set, and instead of politely saying stop, I took that as an excuse to go all the way. The next day when I was back in my "normal" mind I regretted it and resented myself and her for going too far. All the love I felt and nurtured for her the day before turned into anger and frustration and the need to cut off from her, which was hard for her as well. All in all I feel like the Sedona method has let me down by inviting me to allow to open up to energies I cannot control, much like the Sorcerer's Apprentice. I feel like the Sedona Method, which up until now seemed safe and wise, may actually be a dangerous and reckless method for me to use.
    These last few days while trying to "let go" of all the anger I feel for her and myself, trying to reconnect to opening up to feelings of love, I automatically feel those sexual energies awaken as well. And I remember questions like "can you let go of wanting to be safe", "can you let go of wanting control". And I can see myself living a life as a leper (STDs), losing my job, my friends, respect from society, and living a blissful life of the Sedona method dying an early death.... you get the picture. I feel the Sedona Method is inviting me to be happy and sick, not worrying about my health and safety. Isn't there a better way that doesn't demonize the mind but rather tries to let it help us control and protect our health?

    Thanks for any help you can offer me on this topic. I am truly shaken.

    Chris

  • #2
    Did you know sexual energy also rises when you go out in nature? People often notice a rise in sexual energy when they go camping. They find themselves having more need for sexual release.

    I assume the concern is you feel you broke a moral code when you "crossed the line". I don't think you need to release on the woman, nor to blame her since her sexual energy was also high with or without releasing. I do think you need to release how you feel about yourself for having crossed the line, your moral values.

    Since you're holding onto your code, the one that creates a line you must not cross. holding onto the wrongness of crossing that line, you will manifest crossing that line. Because it's not a free choice.

    You can be aware of sexual energy and not test someone else to cross the line for you, by letting go of that sexual energy without having to have sex. Much the same as letting go before eating. If after letting go you still decide you're going to eat it, It's then a conscious choice.

    Alex

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    • #3
      Dear Alex

      Thank you for taking the time to answer.

      My main concern is not moral, as in don't have sex before marriage, don't have sex with multiple partners, don't go sleeping around, or any other religious or traditional codes. My concern is purely of health and risk. Some might call this ethical or perhaps moral as well.

      When I visited the woman in question, I was clear about how far I wanted to go and which line I didn't want to cross. The problem is that I seem incapable to say stop if the other person crosses that line and even take it as an excuse to break my decision ... I'm not sure I understand yet how to apply releasing to this issue. For the moment the only way I feel I can stay safe is not to see this person unless I'm willing to sleep with her. Sadly, that seems to require cutting myself off from the natural flow of sexual energy.

      Any suggestions on how the Sedona Method could help in this situation would be much appreciated.

      Best regards,
      Chris

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by UserChris View Post
        Dear Hale, Dear Community,

        I recently spent a few weeks in which I would spend a lot of time almost every day meditating and listening to the Inner Circle retreat recordings. As a result, I felt a surge in sexual energy flowing through me, energy I was presumably suppressing or just disconnected from before that. And I started going through my days nurturing love-feelings for everyone I would meet. Connected with a long-standing desire to have more sex, I ended up in a situation where after many "unsuccessful" months of no sexual activity at all I suddenly had two women inviting me to have sex with them in the same week. I felt more or less clear on where I would need to draw the line in order to stay responsible to myself and both women, not taking too many risks for our sexual health. The problem is that while together, one of those women crossed the line I had explicitly set, and instead of politely saying stop, I took that as an excuse to go all the way. The next day when I was back in my "normal" mind I regretted it and resented myself and her for going too far. All the love I felt and nurtured for her the day before turned into anger and frustration and the need to cut off from her, which was hard for her as well. All in all I feel like the Sedona method has let me down by inviting me to allow to open up to energies I cannot control, much like the Sorcerer's Apprentice. I feel like the Sedona Method, which up until now seemed safe and wise, may actually be a dangerous and reckless method for me to use.
        These last few days while trying to "let go" of all the anger I feel for her and myself, trying to reconnect to opening up to feelings of love, I automatically feel those sexual energies awaken as well. And I remember questions like "can you let go of wanting to be safe", "can you let go of wanting control". And I can see myself living a life as a leper (STDs), losing my job, my friends, respect from society, and living a blissful life of the Sedona method dying an early death.... you get the picture. I feel the Sedona Method is inviting me to be happy and sick, not worrying about my health and safety. Isn't there a better way that doesn't demonize the mind but rather tries to let it help us control and protect our health?

        Thanks for any help you can offer me on this topic. I am truly shaken.

        Chris
        Hi Chris!

        First I'd like to commend you for your courage to bring up this topic and to share you feelings and experiences in the way that you have.

        It's true that when we release more energy flows more freely. When more energy flows more freely sometimes it is experienced as sexually stimulating. It is important to understand that having more energy flowing more freely is not license to behave in ways that go against your personal boundaries or your own or society's moral and ethical codes.

        Let's talk about this in another context. Many folks discover that they have been suppressing anger for years and when they release the anger comes up. It is not coming up for the purposes of inappropriate expression or action. It is not coming up for the purposes of "acting out." It is coming up to be RELEASED.


        I strongly recommend that you release more on the thoughts and feelings and fantasies and fears internally around sex until you have cleared your own internal controversies and ambivalences before you take action. If you release fully on the topic and issue of sex before you take any action you will discover that you are not in any way inclined to do anything destructive to yourself or to others. If you release fully you will discover that you are in fact much more likely to "take right action" in this and any other area in your life.

        With regard to the things that you have written above it would be helpful to release on the lacking control feelings and lacking safety feelings. So check and see if you can let go of the lacking control feelings that are coming up. And also see if you can let go of wanting to be controlled by sexual impulses. Also, welcome wanting to feel and be safe around sexual impulses. And lastly, check and see if you can let go of wanting to take any unhealthy risks around sexual impulses.

        Best,
        Delilah
        Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 11-09-2013, 07:33 PM.
        www.theaccordcenter.net

        Comment


        • #5
          Dear Delilah, Dear Alex,

          I really appreciate the time you both took to answer my question.

          I resonate very much with what you say, Delilah. Thanks for your input. Your suggestions make sense to me and I'll try releasing on the topics you mentioned.

          One thing that still puzzles me at the moment is the fact that I wasn't aware that there was such a strong emotional issue for me around control and safety until AFTER I had gone too far. This scares me, as it gives me the impression that I can feel perfectly fine in the moment and then the next day (in fact the whole next week!) be overwhelmed with all kinds of strong regret, anger and resentment I never saw coming. The negative impact of the latter on my relationships, moods and self-esteem BY FAR outweigh the positive experience that triggered it.

          For now I'll just keep as a lesson to stay extra careful/protective when I have any ambiguity about an action, to prevent backlashes like the one experienced last week. I.e. to keep out of "danger" until I'm un-ambiguous about it in a calm and safe place. Once I get involved with another person, at least for the time being, I seem to be incapable of making judgments that I'll remain happy with the next day... :-(

          I'm hoping that with time the parts of me that I currently perceive as separate (anger/fear vs sexual desire) will integrate more harmoniously into my personality and future decisions... and that I don't run into any more unpleasant surprises like the last one!

          Comment


          • #6
            One thing that still puzzles me at the moment is the fact that I wasn't aware that there was such a strong emotional issue for me around control and safety until AFTER I had gone too far. This scares me, as it gives me the impression that I can feel perfectly fine in the moment and then the next day (in fact the whole next week!) be overwhelmed with all kinds of strong regret, anger and resentment I never saw coming. The negative impact of the latter on my relationships, moods and self-esteem BY FAR outweigh the positive experience that triggered it.
            An interesting by product of being more open as you are, You get to become aware of issues that need work with grand effect, rather than lying under the surface not quite in your awareness for days months or years before you realise this is something important. Nope it hits you where you don't miss it and awareness gives you a chance to process it. In other words I say you're more switched on. That's why you noticed it with so much emotion.

            Another way I could explain it. The other way to handle it would have been to bury your head in the sand (as most do with the difficult issues). There it's protected from noticing the self harm, instead you pulled your head out of the sand and got whacked in side of the head to make another selection, to choose something better for yourself. Since we pay more attention to what we find scary.

            Alex

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