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How to release self-hate?

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  • How to release self-hate?

    I am familiar with the method and have been using it for months, and have had many gains with it. But lately I've had some problems with this issue. Are there any good ways to release self-hate? What I've tried to do is bring up self-hate and just welcome it as much as I can, but the problem is 1)it's very painful 2) it feels like no matter how much I let go of it, there's more left. Subconsciously I must hate myself at a core level, and I have high expectations for myself, always criticizing myself.
    I would appreciate it if someone has experience with letting go of self-hate and if they've gotten over that issue. In a way it feels like the more I bring up self-hate, instead of releasing it, the more I feel it. Before I started releasing, I did not feel it as much it seems.

  • #2
    even though I have not released on this specific issue I chose to reply anyway.
    I often find holistic releasing to be helpful . in this case I might ask.
    could I allow myself to hate myself as much as I do?
    could I allow myself to love myself as best I can?

    Comment


    • #3
      A few hours ago I was "shoulding" on myself. I had not done what I should have, and I had done something else, so again I hadn't done something. Condemning myself over it. Not even noticing I was but I was engaging in distracting activities and wanting to talk which is a sign I recognised as wanting to join because I had separated myself. If this isn't making sense, what I mean is you can separate yourself from others, by being angry or rude, this then creates a need to join. It is a hatred of others. In the same way you can separate from yourself by hating yourself. I hope I make sense to you. So, I decided to do the welcoming etc routine on the feeling to myself. Hale says on the cds to welcome the sensations, thoughts and feelings that arise. I didn't used to know what he meant. Now I do. The sensation when I welcomed the anger feeling to myself for not having done stuff, was intense, I started breathing really heavily and then a sense of fear, and a visual picture came to mind as well, back when I was very young, maybe 3 years old, and my parents drove off and abandoned me in the forest. Sure, they came back and got me, laughing at my intense crying, howling. I'm sure they thought it was no big deal and I got over it, but that incident has come up a few times in releasing. I only began welcoming the feeling and that came up, so strongly, with breathing so heavily, I forgot about the allowing and letting go, but I was allowing. I suppose I've done some letting go of it by just allowing it to come up. Anyway then I wanted to talk about it, so I didn't stay with it. I posted here. I have calmed down. I have slightly more self acceptance. I hope all this is useful to me, and that I am progressing because it takes alot of time and so I don't want to be doing it for nothing. To take it for checking, it's not enough to have reached love, so I cannot say definitely it has worked. I think I have to bring up more and release more to reach love for myself. The only thing I can say in my checking, is it caused a dramatic physical reaction and a young childhood memory to come up. It is suprising to me to think that memory would be associated with self hatred and the "should have done"s, but it is. Perhaps at the time the message from my parents was I should have behaved. All I remember was I was having the best time ever in the forest and we were all really happy and even singing and the next thing I was abandoned, and they drove off without me, so I imagine I must have refused to leave because I was having a good time. It doesn't matter what the story is. It seems to matter. What matters is welcoming, allowing the feeling and letting it go. Even welcoming and allowing the feeling of self hatred. Otherwise it remains, like a messenger whose message hasn't been heard. I hope I'm on the right track and not mad doing this stuff. Ok, Astro, what I did to give myself some security to handle it while it was coming up, is sit on my bed with pillows behind me, and it sounds a bit mad, but floss my teeth. To do something with my hands makes some security for me. You said it is painful for you and what can you do to make it easier. I'm not even sure if I'm on the right track. I have gone way outside normality. However, even today, when someone did something I really didn't like, and I felt at first like telling her not to ever do that again, I used the method, released the anger, saw things from her point of view, and asked her very gently not to do it again and had a friendly interaction with her, so to have reacted without the method I would have been angry, more mad, and using the Method I was more sane and mature. So, even though it feels a bit mad to be so deeply involved in this, and a bit abnormal, it is having a sane making result to some degree.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi Bertti!

        Can you (welcome) allow all the self loathing (disapproval) for yourself to come up?

        Is there any wanting to hold it close, get rid of it, figure it out?
        Could you welcome that?

        Is there any feeling that this is personal, about you, who your are, what you do, etc?
        Could welcome that?

        Would it be OK if the feeling that this is personal just dissolved?

        Welcome whatever answer you get...

        Best,
        Delilah
        www.theaccordcenter.net

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Bertti!

          Can you (welcome) allow all the self loathing (disapproval) for yourself to come up?

          Is there any wanting to hold it close, get rid of it, figure it out?
          Could you welcome that?

          Is there any feeling that this is personal, about you, who your are, what you do, etc?
          Could welcome that?

          Would it be OK if the feeling that this is personal just dissolved?

          Welcome whatever answer you get...

          Best,
          Delilah
          www.theaccordcenter.net

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks for the replies Zannierose, Berttie and Delilah. I think the difficulty for me is that while I can see myself as "separate" from other emotions and release them, self-hate seems to be a big part of my identity and who I am (which is the 3rd question of triple welcoming, so I guess I should use that). I've done the holistic releasing questions several months ago, but now that I am better at releasing I did them for several rounds again. I guess another part of is fear, fear to bring up my self-hate thinking that it might make me hate myself more, or be painful or something else.

            Berttie I understand what you mean about wanting to be separate from yourself. So I tried releasing on wanting to be ONE with myself, that was interesting. I am also working on releasing childhood memories, including one especially traumatic one because it's worth it and that's where a lot of emotions and beliefs come from.

            Another realization or "gain" I just had was that my self-hate comes from wanting to control myself - wanting to control myself so that I don't achieve my goals and punish myself. I just can't figure out if I punish myself what want is that coming from?

            Comment


            • #7
              Punishing yourself would be from wanting control wouldn't it? But I find just the "You have been punished enough idea," which is somewhere in the Course, has helped me. It isn't necessary to find which want it is coming from, that is to go deeper, you could just do the releasing questions on the feeling, like it would be an "anger to yourself" feeling probably, so can I welcome the feeling, etc. Dare I say it here, I like Larry Cr ane's release technique questions for this, can I let go of disapproving of myself, and some more, and some more etc on for ages, then eventually when you've got it down to no disapproval left, can I give myself some approval, and some more etc on and on. And the point is, it's just a decision to let go of disapproving of yourself. You can decide to. That is in the Six steps, step two- decide you can have your goal etc. You are in command after all, not the emoticons- that's what I call them. Glad you got what I'm talking about Astro. About when I was left at the forest and they drove off, I think a child is so very much on their parents side that if the parents act as if they hate the child then the child sides with the parents against itself. That is what I think from that incident. Actually I was very loved by my parents. But all the story about how we got to condemn ourselves, I don't feel that I self-loathe, I don't, but I have been just very should-have-done, got-it-wrong, etc, self critical, all that matters is to bring it up and out. Today, I have had, as often, alot of the worry feeling, too much to do. I am just asking myself, What is my "now" feeling? Then welcoming it, allowing, can I let go? Etc. I seem to be back on track for letting go again as I was when I first started the method. I got stuck for a while and couldn't seem to let go. The Six steps if you've got the 20cd course, they're glossed over quickly, but they're very useful. The fifth step of the six steps, is If you get stuck to let the stuckness be there. It's just about resistance. Astro that might help. But there is stuff I don't want to go near and I'm not going near. I just work on something else. Like today, it came up when I was welcoming the worry, about someone who had harmed me and I dislike that person alot. Well, I didn't even begin on her, other than to acknowledge my feeling. I just stayed with working on the worry. I suppose I will make big progress if I address those people I don't want to think about. I am doing this to fix up my life, including financially. It seems releasing on them has nothing to do with that but I suppose it does.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Astro!

                I understand the fear that if you bring up the self hate it will increase but the opposite is true. The mind tells us that suppressing gives us relief when in fact it just buries our suffering more deeply and pollutes our insides even more. See if you can let the self hate come up a little at a time. Even just one drop at a time and that might feel more safe and manageable.

                Best,
                Delilah
                www.theaccordcenter.net

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi Astro!

                  I understand the fear that if you bring up the self hate it will increase but the opposite is true. The mind tells us that suppressing gives us relief when in fact it just buries our suffering more deeply and pollutes our insides even more. See if you can let the self hate come up a little at a time. Even just one drop at a time and that might feel more safe and manageable.

                  Best,
                  Delilah
                  www.theaccordcenter.net

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Great work Berttie!

                    Keep letting go into flow,
                    Deillah
                    www.theaccordcenter.net

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Great work Berttie!

                      Keep letting go into flow,
                      Deillah
                      www.theaccordcenter.net

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I have a lot of experience with self hate...could almost call myself a master (half joke )
                        Go to You Tube-"gangaji" - "the heart can bear it all" and release while watching it.

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