so much to release

[eyeeyeeye]

Hi!
Firstly I want to greet everybody here.

I've got one big obstacle that sometimes stops me from releasing and get me paralyzed in terror.
Realization how much is there to release, huge fear about me not doing it right/ enough/ in time and letting bad things happen that way.
Logically enough, some of them happen. It's a spiral of fearing fear, side effect from knowing what it can do.
So in parallel with creating some miracles sometimes I just drown in this. In these states you get so far from inner knowing.
Some advice might help.
How do I translate the knowing to a panicking mind falling into old patterns? how do I get myself back?
As soon as I get caught in pain by something happening, it's getting harder to set back.

Thanks

[DelilahCertifiedSMCoach]

Hi eyee!

Can you welcome wanting to release right, enough, fully, etc?
Welcome your answer.
Remember in releasing "no" is as good as a "yes".
Then see if you could let go of wanting to release right, enough, fully, etc?
Welcome your answer.
Repeat this regularly so that you can let go of this more and more.

When the paralysis in terror appears it too is coming up to be released. See if you can stay with consciously even for a couple of seconds. When we do this we are really welcoming. Welcoming is the second most fundamental way to release. The better welcomer we are the better releaser we are. If stay with it, notice how uncomfortable it is, notice how much you dislike it, notice how you want to get rid of it, notice any wanting to figure out what is the cause and/or what to do with or about it. Just being able to stay with it consciously is a big gain. It is also very helpful to notice how all of the discomfort, the terror, the paralysis, etc isn't going to actually kill you. I know that may sound silly or maybe even too hard but it's useful to see for ourselves that these kinds of experiences will not kill us. This allows us to stay with the experience a little longer each time and to tolerate it a little better each time. As we are able to stay with it longer, IOWs welcome it further, we can begin to welcome all the fear thoughts so they too can come up and release.

This might not make any sense to the logical mind but check this out:

Is there any wanting to prevent spiraling?
Could you let go of wanting to prevent spiraling?

Once there is spiraling is there any wanting to get back?
Could you let go of wanting to get back?

Again, this is counter-intuitive:

Is there any wanting to control your experience?
Welcome your answer.
See you can let go of wanting to control your experience?
Welcome your answer.

Keep paying around with these and see if any of it shakes loose.

Best,
Delilah

[eyeeyeeye]

Thank you very much Delilah!

But I could use it only when I'm open to classic Method ideas.

Creating the reminder that could help me switch and open back - the statement or suggestion that could widen back the perspective - this is needed in the first place.

And welcoming isn't clear to me still. I could cry all day long while it's a must to do something quickly - and it'll only get worse. I don't think I welcome then... They mix - the resistance and welcoming.

[DelilahCertifiedSMCoach]

Hi eyee!

Perhaps try this:

Are you your feelings?

Welcome your answer.

Recognizing that paralysis and terror come and go can be helpful.
When the paralysis and terror disappear do you disappear?

Welcome your answer.

If the paralysis and terror disappear but you don't disappear, are you your feelings?

Please let us know how your process unfolds,
Delilah

[eyeeyeeye]

Hello once again!

These tips you advised - I think they can help realize how integrated the ideas of Sedona are in one's vision.

I'm practicing the Method for several months, and only recently I started to get in touch with idea of NOT BEING my feelings and beliefs. And it's more like moments of enlightenment, it doesn't last long yet.

So when I'm in usual state, and especially in moments when I'm buried under faithlessness and tiredness - yes, i feel like I AM my feelings. I think it's a habit to cling to a system of coordinates, even if it causes suffering.
And answer to a question 'would you disappear if terror disappear' would be something like - I'll stay but there's a probability this terror is truth, and other angles are just wishful thinking, and I just use them to comfort myself, too afraid to face the fact that things ARE bad.
And even more - feeling like I endanger myself when comforting myself, because I blind myself with wishful thinking and don't control reality, and it can get worse, and it WILL get worse, because I secretly realize how things are and my fear feeds it.

Add the tiredness of doing processes - and consciousness just totally rejects any question that is in style of method.
(I think that's also because of some leaning on the Method that appears with time, feeling hurt a bit - like, why doesn't it come and save me? why do I still feel bad? maybe that was a mistake to trust it?)

That's why I was asking about an instrument to break through. It's gotta be not like Method processes, it's gotta be shaped another way, so mind won't get defensive.

I think with time and analysis I'll understand what fits me perfectly.
For example, I discovered that sometimes opening to a 'fact' works better with me than 'at least a possibility' or questioning. (for example - "...and then could you be open to a FACT that in this moment you're complete")
Like, a sense of possibility leaves this unbalanced feeling while fact is solid and stable.
And sometimes that helps me get back to releasing - some reminder phrase, laconic and confident. "Only you generate your own experience". It's so lovely when it helps - something clicks, things get back transparent and simple, anxieties start looking funny and touching from the side.

But still - a lot to be explored in that direction.

[DelilahCertifiedSMCoach]

Hi eyee!

You wrote, "And even more - feeling like I endanger myself when comforting myself, because I blind myself with wishful thinking and don't control reality, and it can get worse, and it WILL get worse, because I secretly realize how things are and my fear feeds it."

This is actually a common worry, that if we feel better we will be blinded by fantasy and the reality is going to crush us. And also, sometimes we think that if I let go of THIS suffering then THE NEXT suffering will be even worse. Some of us fear that if we aren't terrified that we won't take action, that we need to suffer in order to mobilize ourselves into action. These thoughts convince us that letting go isn't a good idea, that it's not safe to let go. Sometimes the mind can use a little help with some logic. Just because we feel better inside, just because we aren't paralyzed with terror inside, doesn't mean we aren't going to be able to look at our circumstances objectively and factually and find constructive and effective ways to negotiate with those circumstances. In fact we are MUCH MORE LIKELY to be able to look at our circumstances objectively and factually and find constructive and effective ways to negotiate with those circumstances when we are calmer inside. Fear, and terror cause stress hormones to release in the body and often times those hormones make us less functional not more functional and not better functioning. Releasing is an internal process. It's a process that allows us to let go of the very things that get in the way of our functioning optimally. We have more clarity, more objectivity, more understanding, more vision, more energy, more confidence, more staying power to deal with what life sometimes brings. When we let go inside we are much more effective outside. The way that Hale talks about this is to say, "We get from letting go what we think we'll get from holding on."

So, some questions that you might explore and might be helpful are:

1. Check and see if you are worried that things will get worse if you let go and feel better inside?

Welcome your answer.

If yes, could you be open to the possibility that letting go and feeling better inside will help you to function better in all circumstances?

Welcome your answer.



2. Is there a fear or expectation that things will get worse in the future?

Welcome your answer.

If yes, see if there is any wanting to prevent that fear or expectation from happening?

Welcome your answer.

Could you let go of wanting to preventing that fear or expectation from happening?

Welcome your answer?

Lastly, could you let go of wanting that fear or expectation to become real?


Warmly,
Delilah

[eyeeyeeye]

thanks a lot, Delilah!!
I'll experiment with that.



I'll have a couple more practical questions to you, if you don't mind.

first is:
when suggesting a structure of working with goals, Hale recommends not to stop until courageousness, acceptance or peace, and that really makes sense to me.
But sometimes it's page after page, and still feelings continue to come up. And releasing gets harder because I get tired/distracted/worried with this topic itself or other stuff that waits to be done already. What can you advice in this case? something like step 5?
how do I increase my stability and sustainability at all?

second question is:
i see it's very helping to find 'knots' in this mass of our feelings, points that hold some bunch of feelings, but when you find them and release on them - it speeds up the whole thing.
(it may be some strong belief, for example, even a belief that with some particular topic it'll require a lot of time and courage to let go, because it's so big and important)
so I want to ask - is there an easy way to optimize the releasing, to find underlying beliefs that are useful to let go more quickly? (but not too big so I won't freak out and back off while processing)

thank you in advance!

[DelilahCertifiedSMCoach]

Hi eyee!

Yes, many of us have things that we need to do besides releasing. And many of us want to expedite our process. On a practical level, consider that we come to releasing with many years of holding on to thoughts, feelings, ideas, beliefs. It makes a bit of sense that it will take a bit of time to unravel and let go of those things, yes? So one way to expedite our process is to become really good welcomers. Tired feelings are best welcomed because that is just the next layer coming up to be released. If we release on resistance to releasing and to the topic and all the thoughts and feelings about the topic, including and especially worry we will expedite the process. Every thought and feeling is coming up to be released. Release when you can and see if you can be open to the possibility that the bodymind is benefiting and still releasing as you go about your daily activities. Releasing is cumulative. Over time releasing will be more effective and more long lasting because the bodymind actually like releasing because relief from suffering is a positive reinforcement. And our facility with releasing increases, be get better at it over time. So practice welcoming everything. Welcoming in the second most fundamental way to let go. If we become really good welcomers we become even better releasers. We can remind ourselves to welcome things while we are in action too. Just check ever now and again "Could I welcome this?" And then welcome our answer. That shouldn't disrupt your activities too much and eventually you'll get in the hapbit of welcoming while in action which will also help expedite the process.

If by knots you mean that there are places in the body where sensations are more intense then yes, this is a good thing to welcome too. When we ask ourselves if we can open to the sensations, to give them as much room as they need to come and release and then welcome whatever your answer is. Remember that "no' can still result in a great release.

One of the things we can do is tip toe towards intensity. Allowing the sensations to be only as big as we can tolerate and then check to see if we're alright for having done that we can see that nothing bad or unsafe will happen as we allow the waves of feelings to move through and release. As we get more comfortable with one level of intensity then we can see if we can allow the next and possibly more intense wave to move through. Many of us hold our breath when we are releasing which actually makes the process more uncomfortable. If we remember to exhale intentionally we find that the releasing is more tolerable and more efficient. We don't need to go past our comfort level. It is helpful though to have some awareness that if we are very uncomfortable it's because we are resisting the release. It's best to just keep welcoming resistance because that is the most loving and effective way to dissolve it.

Best,
Delilah

[eyeeyeeye]

Hi Delilah!

"Knot" was a confusing term, I guess
I actually meant not physical senses, but... I think I can describe it as feelings about feelings. It can be a belief about feelings or wanting to do something with them.
You know, moving a bit up.
Like, I can release a lot about some bunch of related anxieties OR I can look if I have some generalized belief about me apt to get these anxieties. And dissolve this belief first, and then the whole process will speed up.
We can see this sort of optimization in every process designed by Hale for different types of feelings.
And I think it'd be great to learn how to see the structure from above and see what to release first.
I don't feel eagerness or like it's necessary, it's just curiosity in exploration.

About welcoming - oh, you know, I still got problems with being 100% honest with myself.
Beating and judging myself for not being perfect has become such a habit, I think I'm afraid of myself. Sometimes I get upset during the process and forget to continue.
I know it's a matter of time and it'll become easier... but sometimes focusing is like torture.
And that gets in the way of real deep releasing, because it's superficial focusing through "nooooo"
But you're right. It's very important thing.
Think I've gotta release on being afraid to welcome

[DelilahCertifiedSMCoach]

Hi eyee!

You wrote, "And I think it'd be great to learn how to see the structure from above and see what to release first." The map to what youa re asking about is in the wants. Every single thing we release on can be traced back to the wants.

You wrote "but sometimes focusing is like torture. And that gets in the way of real deep releasing, because it's superficial focusing through "nooooo" That IS the deep releasing.

You wrote, "About welcoming - oh, you know, I still got problems with being 100% honest with myself. Beating and judging myself for not being perfect has become such a habit, I think I'm afraid of myself. Sometimes I get upset during the process and forget to continue." Sounds like you could benefit from letting go of all the judgement and disapproval that you have for not being what YOU BELIEVE is perfect. And could you let go of wanting to be perfect? Would you if you could? When would you let go of wanting to be perfect if you could? Nobody's perfect and yet everyone is exactly perfect. Being attached to what we think is perfect is a huge barrier to moving forward in our lives.



You wrote, "Think I've gotta release on being afraid to welcome." YES!!!! Release on any resistance to welcoming. It might help to know that in releasing welcoming doesn't mean we like something. It simply means that we allow it to be here. And if torture comes up then it's torture that needs welcoming. Words that mean exactly the same thing as welcome are, notice, allow, open to, give room to, open to, give it enough room inside to come up fully... Notice the experience you are calling torture and as best you can let it be here.

Also try:

Could you resist torture as much as you do?

Could you welcome torture as best you can?

Make sure you take in the "as best you can" part.


Best,
Delilah

[eyeeyeeye]

Hi Delilah! How is it going?
Every answer you give me is a joy and relief. Thanks for that.

I'm still a lazybones though I release a bit every day.

And I'd like to share: yesterday I was listening to the one of Hale's monologues (rather deep one, about life as a lucid dream and so on) and from time to time it made me laugh SO hard, it was even frightening.
Like, all the sense of responsibility fell away and "me" started dissolving in expansion, looking back and laughing.
That's a lovely state.

Could you be so kind to answer couple more questions?

First one is about creating and recreating the resistance.
I feel like when I postpone releasing of some problems, they kinda get bigger.
What is really going on there? Is it about the new layers being created? Or does it just come up because it's being stirred up while I suppress it?
To me it feels like resistance is like yeast cells if you have left some - it can multiply.

Also I'd like to know what you think about meditation.
From the very beginning I got a teacher and discovered a meditation - it felt like a chore.
The contraction was so big I could feel worse after meditation than before it. (and it's still like this, and yoga pisses me off as well)
Though in the rare moments when I was in harmony with it - It felt really good.
Then by chance I discovered the Method and it struck me, it felt so right and suited my ideals so right that I happily abandoned any further attempts to meditate

So I want to ask - do many of Sedona people meditate? Do you practice any of it?
Should you recommend me release on meditation and combine the two for more effectiveness?
I know it's up to me but I'd love to hear what you think.

Love,
E.

[eyeeyeeye]

oh, and another one - about LISTS.
omg I love lists.
usually I don't care about them once I finished writing them, but...

and with releasing it's the same urge all the time, only stopped because I remember Hale recommending not to do that in some cases.
is it always a bad idea - to make a list of things I'd like to release or goals I'd like to get?

[DelilahCertifiedSMCoach]

Hi eyee!

Glad that you find my comments of value.

Releasing every day even a little is a great gain.

Sometimes the release is expressed through laughter. A good laugh is good on so many levels. Sounds like you had a deep release.

Not sure what you mean by "I feel like when I postpone releasing of some problems, they kinda get bigger." I can say that once we start releasing things can sometimes become more intense because we are no longer suppressing. In TSM we don't think of resistance as a bad thing. We think of resistance as just another thing that is coming up to be released, another wave of energy that we are calling resistance, that is coming up to be released. Everyone has resistance. Everyone. We may want to give the resistance meaning, like that we are "lazybones" but that is just the mind wanting to help by offering some kind of explanation for resistance. Resistance is a funny thing because sometimes we even resist things that we actually enjoy or even love. Resistance doesn't mean anything other than there are some human tendencies coming up to be released. So I recommend that when we notice resistance we can just allow it to be here, open to it, and welcome it so it can release. It can be very helpful to release on resistance to resistance. If that resonates with you then start with welcoming the resistance. And then notice the next layer of resistance to the resistance and welcome that up too. Then you can work your way backwards and see if you can let go of resistance to the resistance. Welcome whatever your answer is. And then see if you can let go of the first layer of resistance. And welcome your answer to this too.

Sometimes a practice like meditation is challenging because we want to do it perfectly and that makes it hard to engage in the practice. Releasing can help release that pressure to be perfect and then if other practices have value for us we find that they are much easier to engage in. I have found that my meditation practice is enhanced by releasing. Many of my clients have found this to be true about meditating as well. Keep releasing and eventually you will organically discover if meditating is of value for you. Can you be open to consider that it is possible that AT THIS TIME it may not have value for you but that it might be later on? I actually see releasing as a type of meditation. There are meditations that are specifically processes of self inquiry. Releasing is a modern process of self inquiry. So, IMHO, I believe that when we are releasing we are also meditating.

Writing things down, even in lists, is actually also a type of letting go. That's why some folks find writing in journal is so helpful. they "dump" AKA release everything in the journal and they feel somewhat better. If you find making lists useful then I don't see any harm in creating lists. I am not sure what Hale was referring to specifically so I can't speak to what he meant. I can say that once you make a list of goals to only focus on one or two until you feel free to have or not have the goals and feel free to take action steps on behalf of those goals, because when we are releasing on more than that we tend to dilute the process too much. Focusing on one or two goals allows us to access more deeply and fully the internal controversies, conflicts, and obstacles that get in the way of our success in those areas.

In support of your freedom,
Delilah

[eyeeyeeye]

Hello!

About lists - that's a good news! I think in basic course and effortless creation course Hale's mentioning from time to time to refrain from making list.
But I think he was telling so only about focusing during process - to pick one thing at a time.

By the way, you know what? I just discovered fifth way... and I don't have words to describe what I feel about it.
I finally got in touch with welcoming itself. Gosh, the results are surprising.

But now I don't know how to work on goals, haha!
Feels like labour to do all this stuff compared to just welcoming and uncovering.
And I have a goal that has a deadline actually. And it takes bravery and sustainability to achieve it.

I wanted to ask what to do in this case, but that's obvious - I know what I feel, I know how to discover and welcome what's underneath.
At some point I don't care at all like I cared before, and everything is fine and fun.
And even fear about not caring as a bad thing - will be welcomed or released at some point.

I was smiling almost whole day yesterday.

Thank you for all the advices Delilah, you're doing a great thing
Still, really open to any of your comments and tips on the subject

[DelilahCertifiedSMCoach]

Hi eyee!

Yes, isn't the fifth way amazing?

So if you find welcoming the most productive and freeing thing to do right now then I suggest you trust your own innate knowingness and jut go with it. Welcome everything that comes up around the goal, especially any resistance to anything pertaining to the goal, so that it can all come up and release. Welcome whatever is appearing as the opposite to bravery and sustainability so that it can come up and release.

There is a difference between being hootless and not caring. Being hootless is essentially being free to do, have, be whatever we want to do, have or be. So that means that if there is a goal and there are action steps to accomplish that goal we are able to take those action steps without any fear or resistance. Not caring is really apathy and apathy is coming up to be released. Not caring and apathy are covering over things like fear or rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of overwhelm, fear of change, etc etc etc. So when apathy and not caring appears in awareness that means they are coming up to be released so that what is under the apathy can come up and be released too.

Happy smiling eyeeyeeye!

Best,
Delilah