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so much to release

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  • #16
    Hi Delilah!
    I've got something weird happening.
    I've lost faith about getting best results by the deadline I have.. and I lost ability to fall asleep. I actually have problems with sleep often. In this state I couldn't use the 5th way effectively, couldn't actually do anything, just some awful mix of apathy and panic, and I started listening to recordings I haven't yet got to... there was Hale talking about us as not doers, with following release based on WE NEVER DO ANYTHING. like, we are just happening...

    Now I have kind of nervous breakdown, I just cry and can't put it together, because I'm exhausted and lost in self-disapproval and self-blame, and suddenly I'm listening to person I trust so much... talking about that I never do anything, never did anything?? How do I go on getting my job done? do we have only one scenario? if my player is going to fail - I just have to stop judging it as fail??
    please help. Thank you!


    • #17
      it kinda logically follows all the statements I know, but that's too deep for me to be ok with right now.
      do we make ANY decisions?
      you know, ok, about 'me' as a thought, about bodymind as just a faint concept - ok.
      at some point mind couldn't get that anyway, it's beyond.
      I can accept it as a game.
      but we operate with bodymind
      and I feel trapped in confusion right now. so everything including finding the method and using it is just happening? even decisions to welcome or let go aren't by us? so that doesn't matter whether I cry a river now or decide to release this state or go out and kill a man - it's not by me and it isn't good or bad?

      I'm not sure if the answer can be properly worded, but maybe writing these questions wasn't decided by me.
      thanks in advance, Delilah!


      • #18
        If there's nothing 'up there' and each one of us represents the ultimate being itself (and I'm in harmony with this idea almost-consciously since childhood), then there can't be any 'external' scenario, and more, it would be very 2-D to think that scenario can be represented by very particular deeds and circumstances.
        Digging into Sedona ideas I was once suddenly hit by inner question - is there fate? But later I came to a conclusion that there's some deep balance between "leading" or "creating" life and just "uncovering"-"discovering" pre-written script.

        But I'm still questionable.

        Because I have a sense of being young, sense of ambition, hurry, hunger for adventure and beauty (because there's SO MUCH of it inside and outside)
        And I understand that this sweet suffering keeps everybody stuck, and most of art is based on it, and people usually make sense of life out of it, and we all know why.
        But it kills. It makes you drown in comparison and struggle...

        So, anyway... where is choice? To be or not to be the flow? To be lost in circulating of sweet painful push-pull or to fly beyond?
        It's the only answer I can form...

        And what to do about this crazy race?
        I'm always lost when deadline is way too soon - should I get my shit together and work as hard as I could - or to just sit and release, release...
        It seems the most powerful way to solve this and at the same time it feels ridiculous because there's no time for that.

        Lol, I'm already writing a book here waiting for comments from you


        • #19
          Delilah, I'd be really grateful for your answers.
          I've got some insights on the topic of my last posts here, but still working on balance.


          • #20
            Hi Eyee and Delilah,

            I also feel the same way. I fell like I have so much to release and do not know where to start. Also, when I start practicing releasing, I overanalyze everything. How I feel, How I'm supposed to feel, why I don't feel anything, why are all my thoughts gushing out, I feel as though I am controlling it more than releasing it. I can't seem to get the releasing/welcoming right.