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Releasing an old trauma ....

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  • Releasing an old trauma ....

    Last edited by Humble; 01-09-2019, 05:38 PM. Reason: Too personal

  • #2
    I deleted it because it felt too personal but I want some help so I am going to post this anyways ...

    So the issue I am having a hard time with is loneliness. I'm in my 30s and I haven't really made any "new" friends since I was like 18-ish and the friends I had from back then ... we've all grown apart. Some have died. I was never good at making friends but around 17-18 built what seemed like a good group. I was the one that always kind of kept everyone together and eventually life got in the way and it all fell apart.

    I hate to admit it, but the truth is I don't have a single friend anymore. And I don't know how to make any as an adult. And I'd like to change that and let go of whatever holds me back from even having any ideas of how to go about making some friends. All the articles online that talk about lonely adults (and it is supposed to be really common) basically says ... Go make some friends. It assumes you know how to and if they do give any "tips" it's always cliche stuff like ... go join Toastmasters or something.

    All I want is a couple of close friends. And I don't know how to even do step 1.

    To add to it, I've uncovered some "trauma" revolving around abandonment from friends that probably doesn't help. A friend, probably my best friend at the time overdosed. I'm still fucked up from that one. And another one wound up committing suicide a few years later. So maybe that has something to do with it. Especially because I live in an area where drug use is common, I detest drugs and don't wanna hang around bars, party with folks who get high, etc, etc.

    The cliche answers for making friends are always things like go to bars or night clubs (drugs abound) or quasi religious stuff and I don't wanna join a church.

    Any help with some good releases would be much appreciated.

    P.S. I might have linked hard work with losing friends so maybe it hinders my success there as well. I used to work 2 jobs in my 20s and never had any time for anything other than sleep and work and so I lost touch with my remaining friends and I tried reaching out to them again and it kind of didn't go well.


    • #3
      do you have any goals for this ? eg . I now allow myself to have good friends with ease? Maybe after doing some releasing around the goal for a while, you might have new ideas about where to go/what to do ..or maybe some new people will come into your life, or maybe someone who is in your life now will appear more friendly.


      • #4
        Originally posted by zannierose View Post
        do you have any goals for this ? eg . I now allow myself to have good friends with ease? Maybe after doing some releasing around the goal for a while, you might have new ideas about where to go/what to do ..or maybe some new people will come into your life, or maybe someone who is in your life now will appear more friendly.
        Thanks, Yeah I guess I could turn it into a goal. I don't usually think of friends as a "goal" but I guess it is.


        • #5
          Small steps but I reached out to 4 people and had good conversation with 2. The other 2? Not so much but I won't worry too much about that. That was my "old" way ... I'd ignore the fact that I kind of gained 2 friends and focus on the 2 that didn't go so well.

          Thanks Zannierose!


          • #6
            focus on what went well - excellent change....good news about having 2 people to share good conversations with...will you continue releasing?


            • #7
              Yeah I'm going to keep releasing. I'm going to keep welcoming. And I am going to continue liking me.


              • #8
                sounds like a good plan!


                • #9
                  Hi Humble!

                  Glad you decided to post here. It took come courage to go ahead and do that. Good job!

                  Perhaps releasing on loss might be helpful. See if you can allow any feelings that come around that to come up so that they can release. And
                  it's possible that some grief counseling might help you to deal with the aftermath of loosing your friend who overdosed. We can still release even if we get some counseling.

                  Releasing can help a lot with stepping out to make new friends. I see that you've already started to do take some action steps and that's fantastic!

                  You mentioned that you will "continue liking you." We can actually release on approval and disapproval of ourselves and that helps a lot with discovering the love that we already are. A wholistic release you might try is:

                  Could I welcome how much I dislike myself as much as I do?
                  Could I welcome how much I like myself as best I can?
                  Just answer yes or no to each question and see what happens.

                  This isn't a releasing exercise but it's always useful to have a balanced appraisal of ourselves. It's not uncommon to find it's easier to see the negative and we have to work a little to see the positive about ourselves. Take a little time to make a list of all the things you like and appreciate about yourself. Really go for it. List the things you would never brag about to anyone else but you know to be true about you. And acknowledge these things, really take them in.

                  Keep us posted on how things unfold,
                  [email protected]


                  • #10
                    Thank you Delilah. I have been having some good insights that kind of are appearing from out of nowhere. I'm enjoying it unfold even when it seems a little "dark" at first. It doesn't last.


                    • #11
                      That's wonderful Humble!


                      • #12
                        Thank you Humble, for sharing. All the best for your being with friends.

                        I felt lonely a long time, so you are not alone with this. Just about a bit more than half a year I found a group of people I have quite good, nurturing relationships with. And I even dared to invite some of them to my place.

                        Releasing helps a lot with any issues that come up from being with them.


                        • #13
                          I'm still working on this one. Have had some good chats over the web with a few old friends. Still haven't made any new ones. But I kinda feel good about finally trying to let go of my friend. I feel bad because it's been 18 years and I am about the last one left who remembers her. It kind of feels like if I let go ... she doesn't exist anymore. I am working on letting her go. (If you can't tell she was a lot more than a friend) ... But I have been able to think about her and feel a range of emotions ... not just crying like a baby. So maybe that's good. I did learn something amazing from her. I learned your best friend could be your girlfriend. I know lots of guys my age who still never experienced that. So they don't think it exists. Her death also put me on the spiritual journey. I had one of those dreams that feels all too real where she was with me and told me she was fine. Broke me out of a 3 month depression where all I did was drink and get high by myself. Not sure what happened. Like maybe it was just a mind hallucination to save myself or something. But it did put me on a spiritual journey. Anyways, thanks for all the help Guess I got some internet Sedona friends too eh? So I'm going to keep unraveling this onion. See where it leads.
                          Last edited by Humble; 01-28-2019, 07:28 PM.


                          • #14
                            Okay so maybe I finally "get it" ... She's in my heart forever. And that's a good thing. I can't change what happened. I can appreciate the time we shared and let her be where she already is.



                            • #15
                              Wanted to update this: 3 of my old friends and I have reconnected so I feel like I have 3 of them again. Another that I kept trying to reconnect with, we kind of did a little through Facebook but not so much. Just one line replies.

                              I feel somewhat at peace with the fact that 2 of my friends passed on. Still kinda miss them. And then there's a silly "girl that got away" kind of scenario that's bothering me a little bit right now. I didn't really try to make that happen out of fear. So that kind of feels like a holdback. I kind of had this idea that she'd be a heart-breaker so I just held back and kept it platonic.

                              I still need money badly. And I keep getting distracted with all this old bullshit every now and again. Maybe that's my mind trying to keep me stuck???

                              But I also saw something else.

                              So that girl that got away? I still see her every once in a while. Rarely. But I do. And it was always when my life's been kind of crappy. So I would actually try to avoid her. But maybe that was the wrong move. Because she was cool. Maybe I should have seen it as God or the Universe putting her there all those times to cheer me up.

                              Maybe that's that Life is working for me and not against me frame of mind???
                              Last edited by Humble; 06-17-2019, 12:22 PM.