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Any tips for suppressed anger?

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  • Any tips for suppressed anger?

    Hi everyone!

    I've been experiencing a lot of problems with my mother for pretty much my entire life. I live at home with her, and it really bugs me that she keeps on encroaching on my personal space without listening to my requests to stop and leave me alone. For example, I'm currently unemployed, and she keeps sending me job suggestions via whatsapp. Even when I told her I was going to a career fair, for example, instead of leaving me alone and dialing down the harassment like what you would expect from a reasonable person, she instead ups the harassment by sending me even MORE job suggestions, and on the morning when I was going to the job fair she even knocked on my door before work and asked me if I was still going to the fair since it was getting late. (I was waiting for the laundry to finish washing so I could hang it before going.) Telling her to leave me alone doesn't work as nothign seems to sink in and I get the impression that she is not listening or doesn't want to listen at all, and she doesn't change her behaviour at all.

    She also does a lot fo things that make me f***ing irritated, like for example when we are eating dinner and she asks me if I want the chicken soup, I said no and she still insists and pours it for me, and that makes me f***ing rage. Or for example when we went shopping and we passed by a shoe shop and she asked me if I want any shoes, and I said no, and she still went inside to pick out shoes. And since young, form my memory, she keeps doing this sort fo thing like when we as a family (me, dad and her) are walking and shopping, and we always go ahead of her and turn to find her missing, and it turns out she is browsing stuff at her own pleasure without even bothering to think of us or tell us to wait.

    The worst is she keeps asking if her food is "nice or not" and she keeps calling my name longingly every morning, and it makes me irritated as nothing I do or say will get her to shut up or change her behaviour.

    Anyway, the main problem is that I have a great deal of anger inside me, but I can't get angry no matter how hard I try. I tried journaling about it and expressing my anger, and I can get angry but there's a wall blocking me from fully feeling it, and I just end up scrawling violently on the paper and making ugly scrawls but am unable to bring it to completion.

    Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

  • #2
    Hi sammyboy!

    You might get more traction with this is you allow the resistance to your mother to come up. And that might help dissolve the anger too. So, this would look like, "Could I allow all the resistance to my mother to come up?" You might find that by doing this the anger will emerge to and you might find it much easier to release it when it does.

    Best,
    Delilah
    www.theaccordcenter.net

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Delilah,

      Yes, I tried that after doing the Relationships chapter in TSM book, and the question "Could you allow yourself to disapprove of them/their actions as much as you do?" popped up in my mind. It feels good allowing myself to do this. I'm guessing there's an underlying want of approval in there, and I am finally allowing myself to be the giver of (dis)approval instead of seeking it.

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      • #4
        Hi sammyboy!

        Sounds like you are able to trust your intuitive "knowingness" to guide you and find the right questions in the book and that's Excellent!

        I hope you'll explore allowing resistance to com up too. When we don't like something or someone there is a reflexive resistance to them. Often people avoid the resistance because resistance has such a bad connotation. In TSM we don't judge resistance to be a negative. We see it as just another feeling/energy that EVERYONE experiences. Resistance is not an indication that we are bad. It's an indication that we're human. Having written this I encourage you to follow and trust your own "knowningness". IOWs, if you don't resonate with exploring resistance then just disregard this suggestion.

        Keep up the good work!
        Warmly,
        Delilah
        www.theaccordcenter.net

        Comment


        • #5
          Awesome Deliliah!

          I'm wondering what is your take on issues of having a conflict between wanting something but at the same time being too fearful to let yourself want or take action to get it in your consciousness? For example, I have a sweet tooth, and am tempted by desserts and sweet treats, but at the same time I'm fearful of indulging in it too much and consuming too much sugar since my mother has diabetes and it's hereditary as my grandmother had it too, which means I'm probably at high risk for it. Sometimes I walk by some cake shops and am wanting to buy a slice of cake that looks so good, but I don't allow myself to buy it because of a) concerns about eating too much sugar leading to diabetes and fear of amputation of my leg b) fear of spending money and running out on it. Most of the time I end up splurging later on lower-quality chocolates and sweet snacks that doesn't taste as nice but is cheaper, and I end up imbibing more sugar than I would have otherwise have, lol.

          The internal energy/feelings I have on this issue has kind a pins-and-needles quality to me, having agitation, fears, tension, etc but no overt dense, heavy, "colourful" feelings of any kind like say rage or sadness. It's more "colourless", and I would associate the words "numb" "anxiety" and "feeling-less" with it.

          Any advice?

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi sammyboy!

            First welcome everything you wrote here. Read through it all again and allow all the thoughts, feelings, sensations and images to come again so that they can release. Since you are attuned to the sensations then take time to be with them, Notice them. Give them the space and the time to do what they are doing. Those sensations are energies that are coming up to be released. That's why you feel them. You feel them because they are actually releasing so don't stop them from releasing. ...It will be helpful too if you release on whatever wants come up around what you have written.

            A releasing process that can help is:

            Is there a feeling of being controlled by sugar?
            Welcome your answer.

            Could you let go of wanting to be controlled by sugar?
            Welcome your answer.

            Is there any wanting to control sugar?
            Welcome your answer.

            Could you let go of wanting to control sugar?
            Welcome your answer.


            Also, explore the adv/disadv process (see book) to eating sugar and not eating sugar and release on all of that too.

            Warmly,
            Delilah
            www.theaccordcenter.net

            Comment


            • #7
              Ok got it. So the first instant when the sensation or feeling comes up, that means I already am aware of it (because how else could I know they exist or I am feeling this way) and am feeling it, at least to a limited extent before the mind jumps in and wants to stop it, control it, work on it etc causing further suppression or resistance to the feeling, thus blocking the "completion" of the feeling in consciousness. So I don't really have to "do" releasing per se, as in the first instant when the feeling pops up I am already feeling it and thus releasing it, and I just have to let it continue and do its thing. Right?

              Comment


              • #8
                Yes, exactly sammyboy. And remember to allow the process to unfold naturally, let go of wanting to rush.
                www.theaccordcenter.net

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