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Why do some things feel personal and others don't?

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  • Why do some things feel personal and others don't?

    I've been dwelling on the sense of "me" and wondering why some feelings or things I'm aware of feel personal while others don't.

    Is there a significance to the things that don't feel personal or are there varying degrees of "personal"?

    Either way, feeling personal or not, I don't tend to stay concentrated on the feelings for very long because I don't know what to "do" with them, which seems to be my default desire for control or understanding.

    Wanting to do something with the feelings is something I don't feel as though I can let go of permanently.

    It seems like I can certainly let go of wanting to do something with a particular feeling to a degree, but not totally.

    Any suggestions?

  • #2
    Hi rtarther!

    Keep releasing and the answer to your question about why some things seem to be personal while others don't will either be answered or it will fall away because you discover that the question has no value. Start by letting go of wanting to figure this out. That frees and opens the mind to a much broader, deeper and higher understanding. Remember that the question is an internal process and is asking to let go of wanting the answer. It is not asking to let go of HAVING the answer.

    Releasing is a cumulative process. So don't worry if feelings or wanting to do something with feelings comes back. BTW, feelings aren't bad of wrong or even a problem. Feeling or thinking that feelings are a problem is the problem. Keep bringing awareness to your experience and keep releasing and you'll find this out yourself. Just keep practicing letting go and even your query about feeling a feeling and doing something with a feeling will be answered. But to answer your question in a general way, releasing feelings gives a choice about whether we do something or don't do something with or about a feeling. It's the difference between having a feeling vs. the feeling having us.

    Best,
    Delilah
    www.theaccordcenter.net

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    • #3
      Thank you Delilah!

      I'm releasing and not caring so much about getting the answer to that question, but remembering that I cared and wondering if I still should/shouldn't. More wanting understanding it seems. I'll continue letting go and trusting the process. I feel like I've gotten better about trusting the process, but I feel like I'm putting my wanting on the back burner rather than letting it go sometimes, like with the desire to have an abundance of money for security for example. I say to myself that it'll happen on its own the more I release in general, but I tend to avoid focused releasing around that subject with the belief that it's hard or that I don't understand enough to release on that right now. I feel lost and like I need guidance.

      Also, I sometimes worry/imagine that my letting go is not cumulative and I wonder if I'm backtracking if I allow myself to more deeply feel a feeling that I dislike. I question if I'm getting more lost in the mind or if I'm actually welcoming and feeling the negative thing is actually me being on the right track and I just need to "sit with" those feelings and see what happens. I tend to be very passive or hesitant to go further, unsure of even how to go further.

      I did have an insight recently that I was trying to "jump the puddle" and not let myself truly feel some feelings, but I'm not sure how to "dive in" without getting so lost in the mind. I do notice the words dropping away and then my mind bringing me back into it unsure of what to "do" next or how to release the judgement on top of everything else. I'm not sure how to release the expectation that something will or should "happen" next that's different that what happens before the releasing. Some frustration is there and at that very frustrated point, I tend to angrily give up wanting to release rather than feeling at peace with confidence that I released enough. I seem stuck at this point and have a strong feeling that "this isn't working" even though I know I've felt releases, usually with help or on my own without effort - which frustrates me more at how easy it seems to be and how it doesn't have anything to do with "me" haha. More wanting control . I seem to have a hard time letting go of this though and the "doingness". Like, "I must have something to let go of and I must be the one to do it and I must have control over something. I can't have no control at all. That doesn't make sense. Something has to make sense or I feel crazy and apathetic." I'd much rather surrender to the letting go than to the apathetic/grief feelings, but I'm unsure how. I feel the giving into my mind as if that's the path to welcoming, but don't know how to break the cycle in between for good. I'm not totally letting this go.

      Sorry for the rambling! I hope that makes some sense to you and thank you in advance for any help you may be able to give me!

      Sincerely,
      Ryan

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      • #4
        Hi again rtarther!

        Every release that happens counts. So even if thoughts and feelings come up again and again progress is still happening. If you keep going you'll see that it's true. Like Lester says, don't take my word for it, check for yourself.

        If something is uncomfortable and you don't want to feel it, then see if you can just let it come up for a couple of seconds. Again, that counts. You'll find if you allow yourself to feel uncomfortable feelings even for a couple of seconds at a time your tolerance for discomfort will increase. See if you can bring some gentlelovingkindness to your process. Do whatever you can and give yourself approval for what you were able to do as best you can.

        Welcome ALL of the feelings, the feeling crazy, the feeling apathy and the feeling grief. Again, do this a little at a time in way that feels tolerable for you. And see if you can allow yourself to hold on, welcome any holding onto because that is releasing too! *Welcoming is the second most fundamental way to let go so paradoxically welcoming any holding on is a release too!

        Once you notice that you've gotten lost in the mind bring awareness back to the releasing. Keep doing this and the mind will become more accustomed to staying with the releasing. It just takes a little practice.

        If you want something to do, the questions in the workbook will give you plenty "to do" and it's very productive.

        Really take your time with the wanting, allow yourself to want "an abundance of money for security", *welcome it and keep allowing it to be here and see what happens. Let go of any disapproval you might have for wanting "an abundance of money for security" as best you can. The wants are universal. Wanting isn't an indictment of your character, your enlightenment or your releasing. Because the hallmark of releasing is letting go we can start to disapprove of ourselves for wanting and that's not helpful. Just welcome everything. The better welcomer we are, the better releaser we are.

        Warmly,
        Delilah
        www.theaccordcenter.net

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        • #5
          Hi Delilah,

          Sorry for the late response! That was very helpful and I'm adding that gentle loving kindness aspect to the welcoming now which seems to be helping. The forcing definitely wasn't and it just stirred up more feelings and I eventually would give up because of how overwhelming that was. I'm welcoming being "the doer" as well. I tend to "look for the one who is holding on" (the personal aspect of the feeling) and that's what I hold onto. I definitely seem to be letting go of that quicker maybe because I'm identifying less with certain feelings and shifting the focus to something else.

          You've been super helpful so thank you!

          Sincerely,
          Ryan

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