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My mother wants to control my experience and is not open to releasing

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  • My mother wants to control my experience and is not open to releasing

    My mother has constantly wanted to control my experience.

    It pisses me off.

    She's not been open to releasing.

    I'm 23 years old, it's time to move on and not be hampered by her.

    How?

    Thank you.

    Robert

  • #2
    You can't change someone else

    Hi Robert,

    you can't change someone else. But you can release your feelings about the situation. This might or might not change the situation, but you'll feel much better about it.

    One possibility is to use the Triple Welcoming process (like in the LettingGo movie):
    • can you welcome the situation, the feelings, thoughts, pictures and sensations that come up with it?
    • can you also welcome any want to change or fix that, and any aversion or attraction to it?
    • can you welcome any sense this is personal, about you or your mother?


    You can repeat this triple welcoming until you feel open, relaxed or neutral etc. about it.

    Also, have a look at the great blog Susan wrote about this:
    http://www.sedonamethodcommunity.com...u-waiting.html


    Happy releasing,
    Clarie
    sigpic
    Clarie van de Langenberg --- Sedona Method® Certified Coach
    E-mail: [email protected] - http://www.sedona-methode-coaching.nl
    Sedona Methode Nederland - Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=...690791391&ap=1
    Reconnect Yourself - Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/ReconnectYourself
    Official Sedona Method websites: http://www.sedona.com - http://www.lettinggo.tv

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Hotsauce View Post
      My mother has constantly wanted to control my experience.

      It pisses me off.

      She's not been open to releasing.

      I'm 23 years old, it's time to move on and not be hampered by her.

      How?

      Thank you.

      Robert
      Hi, Robert,

      Are you wanting her to change?

      Could you let go of wanting to change or control her?

      Susan
      Susan Seifert
      Certified Sedona Method Coach
      http://www.yoursedonacoach.com
      Register for my Free Sedona Method Support calls

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi Robert,

        I think what Claire and Susan are writing here will be very helpful.

        I will just add a little something else...

        See if you can welcome how pissed of you feel.

        Then check; Could you let go of the anger?

        Remember that in TSM "no" is as good as a "yes".

        If you get a no, see if you can welcome the anger and allow it to be here as much as it is right now.

        I would keep releasing on the anger.

        Also, just check and see if you are feeling resistance to your mom.

        If yes, then can you welcome the resistance?

        Then check could let go of the resistance?

        Letting go of the resistance doesn't mean you become a lap dog for your mom. It just frees you up from being affected by what you feel she is trying to do.

        Play around w/ everything that has been mentioned here and let us all know how things unfold.

        Delilah
        www.theaccordcenter.net

        Comment


        • #5
          It's been unfolding OK!

          I got off the phone with her a couple hours ago, she was at it and telling me the things I "must" do... I caught myself wanting to control her back, asked myself "Could I choose to drop it? Could I choose to let go of wanting to control her back?". I felt a shift and my energy became much more self-assured... I noticed my voice got Louder! and I witnessed myself turning what she was saying into a joke and blowing it out of proportion...

          She even chipped in and continued the joke/banter when I was done... Wow. Fantastic. I don't remember a time when she would have relaxed and let go enough to make a joke with me when we've been speaking 1 on 1.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Hotsauce View Post
            It's been unfolding OK!

            I got off the phone with her a couple hours ago, she was at it and telling me the things I "must" do... I caught myself wanting to control her back, asked myself "Could I choose to drop it? Could I choose to let go of wanting to control her back?". I felt a shift and my energy became much more self-assured... I noticed my voice got Louder! and I witnessed myself turning what she was saying into a joke and blowing it out of proportion...

            She even chipped in and continued the joke/banter when I was done... Wow. Fantastic. I don't remember a time when she would have relaxed and let go enough to make a joke with me when we've been speaking 1 on 1.
            Hotsauce,

            I love this! What a great gain - thank you so much for posting it.

            Limitation is the joke awareness plays on itself. When the blinders come off, it can be hilariously funny, and fun. Many of the releasing sessions and meetings are accompanied by gales and gales of laughter. Freedom is tremendous fun. And it's so great that your release helped your mom open to that, too.

            Thanks again for posting. This is inspiring for all.

            All the best,

            Susan
            Susan Seifert
            Certified Sedona Method Coach
            http://www.yoursedonacoach.com
            Register for my Free Sedona Method Support calls

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi Hotsauce,

              that's great! Thanks for posting - it is an inspiration to notice that new possibilities unfolding for you.

              Clarie
              sigpic
              Clarie van de Langenberg --- Sedona Method® Certified Coach
              E-mail: [email protected] - http://www.sedona-methode-coaching.nl
              Sedona Methode Nederland - Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=...690791391&ap=1
              Reconnect Yourself - Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/ReconnectYourself
              Official Sedona Method websites: http://www.sedona.com - http://www.lettinggo.tv

              Comment


              • #8
                hii coaches!

                I also used to have a similar problem that Hotsauce had.In my case my parents were fully accepting my inclination to sedona.But what they were saying is that "You complete your engineering degree and get a job and then continue with this stuff".It's my final year and i really do need to study hard in order to get into a good company.They told me that it's not the proper time and that it is disturbing your studies.They are right because i used to study very less and practice or hear the audio tapes more often.I was in a dilemma a few seconds ago.i need suggestions?.Shall i limit my sedona practice to limited hours and focus on my studies more.I was getting good momentum when this dilemma came in.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by gopaljee90 View Post
                  hii coaches!

                  I also used to have a similar problem that Hotsauce had.In my case my parents were fully accepting my inclination to sedona.But what they were saying is that "You complete your engineering degree and get a job and then continue with this stuff".It's my final year and i really do need to study hard in order to get into a good company.They told me that it's not the proper time and that it is disturbing your studies.They are right because i used to study very less and practice or hear the audio tapes more often.I was in a dilemma a few seconds ago.i need suggestions?.Shall i limit my sedona practice to limited hours and focus on my studies more.I was getting good momentum when this dilemma came in.
                  Hi Gopal,

                  why not combine the two? For example, release on what comes up with your study. Then you will have the best of both worlds!

                  the best,

                  Clarie
                  sigpic
                  Clarie van de Langenberg --- Sedona Method® Certified Coach
                  E-mail: [email protected] - http://www.sedona-methode-coaching.nl
                  Sedona Methode Nederland - Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=...690791391&ap=1
                  Reconnect Yourself - Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/ReconnectYourself
                  Official Sedona Method websites: http://www.sedona.com - http://www.lettinggo.tv

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    An update on what's been happening since the last post:

                    My mother and I live in different countries so we've scheduled a weekly skype conference. It's like a ritual, it's fun and now that I think back I've enjoyed speaking with her.

                    I used to feel so tense and mad after a little while of speaking with her. Has she changed? Hmm I don't think so, not much. But I have. I've been much more open inside me and outside with her. I'm so open and honest that I find myself just saying what comes up from inside... I used to calculate a bit more for fear of her "pounding" on me with the trying to control and disapproval. So what? I just love her for her more now. So my experience of her is different because I'm different.

                    Oh yeah which brings up a gain: I feel like I have a mother and she is my mother again. At some point in my teens it got to be so much that I disconnected and just became independent inside so as to protect myself. The cost of all the suppression and disconnection was a nagging feeling of being alone and feeling parentless. Well I'm not all the way there yet but I am allowing myself to be and feel vulnerable and be her son again, instead of wanting to be a grown up, independent, unflappable man who is totally separate from my parents.

                    Susan I called in to your last support call but had some nervousness or apprehension going on so I didn't speak up and just listened. Anyway I really like you so I'm going to be on the next call as well.

                    Warmest regards to you all from Finland

                    Robert
                    Last edited by Hotsauce; 10-12-2010, 04:30 AM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hey Robert,

                      I had the same issue with my mom.I tried to change her instead of let go
                      It all went good since I decided to let go.

                      Great story Robert!

                      Great suggestions guys. You really do work like a team, all of you!
                      Do what you do when you are doing it, and don't do what you are not doing when you are not doing it!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi Robert,

                        what an awsome gains!
                        Thanks so much for filling us in on how the releasing is unfolding for you and thank you for the inspiration.

                        enjoy,
                        Clarie
                        sigpic
                        Clarie van de Langenberg --- Sedona Method® Certified Coach
                        E-mail: [email protected] - http://www.sedona-methode-coaching.nl
                        Sedona Methode Nederland - Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=...690791391&ap=1
                        Reconnect Yourself - Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/ReconnectYourself
                        Official Sedona Method websites: http://www.sedona.com - http://www.lettinggo.tv

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Minja View Post
                          Hey Robert,

                          I had the same issue with my mom.I tried to change her instead of let go
                          It all went good since I decided to let go.
                          Wonderful and encouraging to hear. I felt encouraged and courageous just reading your words.

                          Comment

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