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cajole yourself to get deeper into the emotion & other question

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  • cajole yourself to get deeper into the emotion & other question

    I want to get rid of the emotions (lies) from a relationship. It's easy to get into the feeling of the actual emotion (anger, sadness) about what happened and I can release. However these emotions keep coming back. And I am so done with them. How come I keep wondering what I was lied about? Everytime I read an email or think bad about a certain event in the past these feelings keep coming back. I assume that after a while things get better. Do I need to get into the actual feelings before I release or would I think about the details. I realize this sounds like a silly question. But when I think about the details I keep coming up with 'could this have happened' or 'would my spouse have lied about that too?'.
    I want this behind me so badly, I need the day where I take a deep breath and feel that it's behind me.

    Also, in the same context. I feel that I am getting stronger now. I have a sense of proudness that feels like an anker that keeps me going. I want to hold on to that but at the same time it also reminds me of what was in the past. Can I rely on my gut feeling that at one point things will settle down and I can release on that proudness as well?

    I want to trust again. Because I want to love again. It feels so far away in the future but wonder how releasing to get trust back would look like. Maybe I know the answer but feel that this is all so fresh I can't believe it is actually out there. I feel such an idiot that I have let it come to this level in my life, I consider myself well educated but let love run away with my gut feeling....

  • #2
    I want to get rid of the emotions (lies) from a relationship. It's easy to get into the feeling of the actual emotion (anger, sadness) about what happened and I can release. However these emotions keep coming back.

    ******** I have heard Hale say that it is more layers coming up , rather than them coming back. *****

    And I am so done with them. How come I keep wondering what I was lied about? Everytime I read an email or think bad about a certain event in the past these feelings keep coming back. I assume that after a while things get better. Do I need to get into the actual feelings before I release or would I think about the details.

    *** letting go of feelings is great. ****

    I realize this sounds like a silly question. But when I think about the details I keep coming up with 'could this have happened' or 'would my spouse have lied about that too?'.

    ********* I wonder if it would help if you noticed if there is any trying to figure things out , and could that be released?
    and if you go into this mire- it might be helpful if you took it to the wanting and let that go as well ***



    Also, in the same context. I feel that I am getting stronger now. I have a sense of proudness that feels like an anker that keeps me going. I want to hold on to that but at the same time it also reminds me of what was in the past. Can I rely on my gut feeling that at one point things will settle down and I can release on that proudness as well?

    ** Well, there is a lot under 'pride' in the table of emotions- and I understand there is a lot more energy available from the level of pride. ****

    I want to trust again. Because I want to love again. It feels so far away in the future but wonder how releasing to get trust back would look like. Maybe I know the answer but feel that this is all so fresh I can't believe it is actually out there. I feel such an idiot that I have let it come to this level in my life, I consider myself well educated but let love run away with my gut feeling...

    *** Have you done a clean up on the other person ? **.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi 2dimples!

      "However these emotions keep coming back. And I am so done with them." If the feelings are coming up then that's what you release on. The comment that you are "so done with them" shows that you are resisting them...yes? So, just keep welcoming the resistance and the feelings and they will release.

      The mind is always wondering what, why ,when. Those are just thoughts coming up to release. Keep letting go of wanting to figure things out and everything that you need to know, understand etc will present itself to you effortlessly.

      Also, sounds like there is a lot of disapproving of self going too. Can you welcome any disapproval for "let(ting) love run away with my gut feeling..."? Can you let it come up so that it can release? IOW, welcome it and then check and see if you can let it go. if you get a no, welcome the no and then keep welcoming it up. Welcoming is a very powerful way to release. Disapproving of oneself makes it hard to trust oneself or others and to love oneself or others. When you let go of the disapproval and feel love for your self for everything you think you did wrong (and everything you did right) then you will be able to love others.

      Please keep us posted on how things unfold,
      Delilah
      www.theaccordcenter.net

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach View Post

        . Keep letting go of wanting to figure things out and everything that you need to know, understand etc will present itself to you effortlessly.
        Originally posted by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach View Post
        Welcoming is a very powerful way to release. When you let go of the disapproval and feel love for your self for everything you think you did wrong (and everything you did right) then you will be able to love others.


        Delilah
        I read your reply this morning and I took a long walk in the local nature park. It's nice to get to that feeling of emptiness after releasing and feeling that it works. And I had to think about what you said Delilah (and that's what I took the walk for. I will keep you posted, thank you guys for providing this insight.
        (shame I don't know any of you guys but still have such a sense of gratitude to your help!)
        The Irving Nature Park is a 600 acre (243 hectare) site created by J.D. Irving, Limited (JDI) to help protect an environmentally significant area.
        Last edited by 2dimpels; 09-10-2017, 04:53 PM. Reason: tried to make the link less present but it wouldn't let me

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi 2dimpels!

          You do know all of us! Lester says, "Talk about me, talk about you, what's the difference?" We are all one. <3

          Glad you find the forum of value.

          Warmly,
          Delilah
          www.theaccordcenter.net

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach View Post
            Hi 2dimpels!

            Lester says, "Talk about me, talk about you, what's the difference?" We are all one. <3

            Glad you find the forum of value.

            Warmly,
            Delilah
            I do. I really appreciate the help.
            Releasing is a string of very lonely personal victories. Every victory ends in a void of nothingness, a fresh start. I am starting to cherish that void, just like how I recognize the emotion it began with. A small ball of dough that I can bake into a bread or not use at all. I have baked a lot bread in the past. Now I'm stuck with a lot of dough.

            Comment


            • #7
              I do want to ask if releasing is instant. I was so angry this afternoon and I tried to release. But the emotion was so strong that it kept coming back and only when I started to talk to others online (hoping to feel normal again) I had to ask myself 'will this keep going on like this'. It's a miracle I feel a lot better now (I even cry over it for happiness) but I wish I could let things go instantly after releasing. Or trying to three or four times. But sometimes I'm so angry and frustrated the dark cloud seems so thick.

              A little later...
              I feel so much better now. I guess that when you have 25 years of a certain amount of questionable things (i.e. a shitty relationship) it's not released as quick. It needs time. It hurt. And it hurts over and over again. But I should recognize the hurt first (see it as a ball of dough - something that I made up to see the emotion as a whole). And I guess I was going through that earlier today. When that is over I can actually say 'do I really need this? Can I let it go? When?'
              Last edited by 2dimpels; 09-15-2017, 02:17 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                I noticed today that individual rejections built up to frustration. For example I contacted my local bank for a technical issue and the rep didn't understand what my problem was. Because I was at lunch break and didn't have the time I hung up while on hold but that instance still kept coming back in my mind. I should have released it then and there. But I thought 'I will call back later and solve the issue'. But I didn't release.
                The second issue arose when I tried to pick up on a certain event I wished to attend once every two weeks. When I contacted the people in charge it appeared there was no more such event. I was dissappointed about that. But it felt so trivial and figured 'I'll find a way to get to it" and because it felt not relevant I didn't release.

                However, looking back at the numerous rejections I feel I have faced in the past, these two added to the large number I had to deal with. And this led to my frustration yesterday. I ended up chatting with a friend and making some notes about what was buggin me until I released and slowly I came back to earth (see above).

                Today started new in a sense that I should pay more attention to the emotions when they are there. And at the very moment they occur. That didn't feel like a rejection but more like a revalation. I ended up in a conversation with my spouse after all this happened and there was
                not
                a
                grain
                of
                frustration

                none what so ever

                This is all so new to me, there are big blobs of peace in me. I'm not there yet but I'm growing. I should be more patient, with myself, I see there is development possible that I can control. It's a bit scary and I laugh for no reasons one and while now because I see the potential my spouse must think I stepped out of a Stephen King story.

                Of course I haven't been sharing much about my past here but I hope there is someone out there going through the same thing and will get a grain of hope. I am still uncertain what my role is all this frustration in my relationship and when I have figured that out I will make a decision whether I want it to continue. I have hope and see the good things. But I see the good things also with myself. I'm changing. Getting stronger.

                Comment


                • #9
                  "I want to trust again. Because I want to love again. It feels so far away in the future but wonder how releasing to get trust back would look like. Maybe I know the answer but feel that this is all so fresh I can't believe it is actually out there. I feel such an idiot that I have let it come to this level in my life, I consider myself well educated but let love run away with my gut feeling..."

                  I wrote this last August. A lot has changed since. I'm stepping away from this toxic relationship, or maybe more precise: I'm stepping away from the toxic person and I explained this to them yesterday. I feel free now. Releasing is not instant. It's constant, and many times the same thing. I felt better before and even better now. But at the same time I know I have a bit to go. But there is hope, I have a tool that makes me strong and I am allowed to think for myself and do things for myself now.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi 2dimples!

                    #7 Releasing usually is instant but sometimes it takes us a little while for us to notice that we are feeling better.
                    Releasing is instant but think about the fact that we have accumulated a lot feelings and layer and layers of the story over many years. Sometimes we let go instantly but other times when there are layers of story and thoughts, feelings, images, that have been collected over many years we need to release many many times. Sometimes we have to release hundreds of times, sometimes for hours or days or weeks or months. Eventually everything releases. Lester asks "Could you be open to this being the last time you have to release on this AND could you allow your process to take as long as it does?"


                    #8 Try this:
                    Is there a feeling that what is happening is personal (a rejection, a misunderstanding, or a change in schedule) is there a feeling that this is about you, or about who you are?

                    Welcome your answer.

                    Would it be OK if the feeling that what is happening is personal (a rejection, a misunderstanding, or a change in schedule) is there a feeling that this is about you, or about who you are just dissolved?

                    Welcome your answer.

                    When would it be OK if it just dissolved?

                    #9 Sounds like you've made some great gains! Good for you!!!

                    Keep letting us know how your process unfolds,
                    Delilah
                    www.theaccordcenter.net

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Changes have been good for me. I was on the right track. I had these clear thoughts and everything went fine but just one thought (a negative one) made me slide and it seems now I'm back to where I was. I hate it that now my old feelings and thoughts are back with a vengeance. I feel like a fool. Release, release, when will this ever be over. EVER

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Could you let go of wanting this to be the last time you release?

                        Alex

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi 2dimples!

                          Negative thoughts are like clouds in the sky. When you see a cloud in the sky do you get bent out of shape? When you see the sky is overcast do you get bent out of shape? You know the clouds will pass and you don't hold on to them because you know that they will. Thoughts are like clouds in the sky...they are just passing through. Even if you didn't release they would pas through...eventually. Releasing allows this process of passing through to happen much more quickly and efficiently. You can hold on to a thought and wrap yourself in it or you can just let it go. Perhaps you might explore the adv/disadvs of having negative thoughts, AND attachments and aversions to having negative thoughts, AND likes and dislikes about having negative thoughts and release on whatever comes up.

                          Check and see you if you welcome wanting to be controlled by any thoughts. And then see if you could let that go.

                          Check and see if you could welcome wanting to control your thoughts. And then see if you could let that go.

                          Also, ask, "Where do thoughts come from?" And ask, "Where do thoughts go when they are no longer present in awareness?"

                          If we are wanting anything to be over we are resisting whatever we want to be over. What we resist persists. Welcome all your resistance to everything and anything and let us know how things go for you.

                          Best,
                          Delilah
                          Last edited by DelilahCertifiedSMCoach; 12-28-2017, 03:19 PM.
                          www.theaccordcenter.net

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Releasing leads to the feeling of loneliness.
                            I listened to a customer complaining today (I'm accountant) and I thought: "yeah that would have upset me too. Last year. Not anymore. So don't fret about it sister". My oldest son complaints about his teachers.
                            The principal of my middle child complaints to me about his behaviour (and readin her email I think "Are you really a principal of a school, or a seven year old complaining about what my 11 year old did?"). I shouldn't feel like that, I should be happier.

                            I guess you figured out that my marriage has been a big issue for me. I am still in that relation, primarily for the reason that we built up a lot together and we have children. I know, I was the one yelling "if you stay together 'for the sake of the kids' you're nuts!" Now I do it myself. It's a more valid argument if you actually have children. But all this releasing and soul searching (staring in the fire of the woodstove, meditation, thinking about releasing, and getting plain old angry helped a lot).

                            Until recently I reached a point where I realized that I approximately half way my life and I have to keep releasing for as long as I am with my partner. No releasing is ever going to take away the doubt I will have with any of my spouse's story. Because it's self protection. I am at this point considering if I should physically move away from the toxic person in my life. Despite the consequences (children). I question my spouses mental capabilities and how she responds to sudden changes. And this made me realize: this is not me, I can not control someone else actions. But when they affect me I can release myself by going away. Distance myself from the toxic which feed my emotions.

                            I wanted 'releasing' to be some path to freedom. But when releasing becomes a daily task like washing the dishes, it's time to buy a dishwasher, or put someone in charge of washing the dishes.

                            And all of this (I know, you are probably wondering: 'where is this all leading to?) makes me realize, I am the only one in my family thinking about releasing. trying to make life better. And then there is you Delilah and Alex where ever you are in the world that I want to connect with because I think 'yeah they will understand', I'm not the only one. Releasing, meditation, going to the gym, journaling, it's all part of the bigger part which leads to growth. If only it wasn't so damn lonely...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hi 2dimpels!

                              First, thank you for posting all of this. It takes courage to be so open. And it helps so many people when we share our process.

                              Can you welcome the thought that you should be happier? Can you really let that come up fully?
                              And then could you let go of that thought? Would you if you could? When would you if you could?

                              Also, welcome wanting to be happy. Really take your time with this and allow all that wanting to come up.
                              And then check, could you let go of wanting to be happy?
                              Notice the question asks could let go of WANTING to be happy, NOT could you let go of BEING happy.

                              Always answer the questions honestly, not how you want to answer them or how you think you should.
                              You can have a really great release even if you get a no for an answer!

                              All the things you are doing for yourself can only help your family. Even if they don't know what you are doing or why and it doesn't seem like you are having any impact on them you are. Once a person in a group (a family is a group) start to change the whole rest of the group starts to change. At first the people in the group might balk because people tend to resist change for a whole host of reasons. But if we are consistent and keep doing what we need to do to feel freer and more joyful and become more productive and more tolerant this changes the whole environment of the group.

                              If releasing has become a chore then there is likely some resistance. Remember that EVERYONE has resistance so this doesn't mean that you are bad or wrong. It just means that you are human. Could welcome any resistance to releasing? It's just coming up to be released.

                              One of things that is very helpful to do with our relationships is to release on adv/disadv to staying and going. You might decide to leave the relationship after doing that and if you release first on staying and going you will have more clarity and optimal functionality in how you leave. If you stay you'll be able to do that with more clarity and optimal functionality too.

                              Keep releasing and doing all those other very loving and constructive things!

                              You might find it very rewarding to have a releasing partner.
                              You can post a request for a partner here.
                              It might take a bit to connect with one but that might help you with loneliness.

                              Keep letting go into flow,
                              Delilah






                              www.theaccordcenter.net

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